Monday, June 25, 2012

About me 51-100

51. Some days I think of myself as Tinkerbell running a home for lost boys.
52. I am not assertive with my children and am fortunate they are good, kind people.
53. I can be at a loss to understand why my daughter gets so ornery with me.
54. I wish I never sent my daughter to pre-school. She wanted to stay home with me.
55. I miss talking with my mentor. He was good for me.
56. I seem not to allow myself the pleasure of luxuriating in success.
57. Some days the only thing that can provide adequate comfort is wearing an anal plug.
58. My 'training' contained me and taught me to come to terms with my submissive personality.
59. I've learned not to sweat the small stuff but sometimes it happens anyway.
60. I pass 'depression' Internet tests with flying colors. My CBT therapy worked absolutely.
61. I'd love to ski well for the exhilaration but I remain fearful and cautious.
62. When we're done with school fees I hope my husband buys a motorbike.
63. I want to be his "bikie chick".
64. I adore school holidays so that I can sleep in.
65. Love to walk along a beach. Easy to do here.
66. Having a nap is one of life's little pleasures for me.
67. I love to be in the speed boat searching for the fish that always seems to get away.
68. I am an attention sponge.
69. I'll take a massage any day.
70. I tend to lounge on my husband the minute he comes and sits on the couch.
71. Secretly, I don't want my husband in the kitchen or laundry. That's my domain!
72. I recognize it is my role to hold the hammer but that is torture for me.
73. It gives me an enormous thrill to be dominated; tightly controlled; overtaken.
74. During sex, I often suck my thumb.
75. I don't mind correction. I even like it. I just hate to be dismissed. That's punishment.
76. Being told to be silent is agony and ecstasy at the one moment. It's a turn on most of all.
77. This is starting to feel like it did when cindi had to write 100 lines...getting tired.
78. 'Coming out' about my nature and needs transformed my life and brought huge happiness.
79. I often think that a spanking a day would suit me just fine.
80. I can procrastinate. Now is one of those times.
81. I am a bit phone phobic.
82. I struggle between loving clothes and feeling strongly I only want what is necessary.
83. Days like today I love my husband with a passion.
84. I love my mother so much but a day of non-stop talking totally drains me.
85. 'cindi' moments are the best moments of my life.
86. I'd adore a house cleaner but would feel too guilty to spend the money.
87. I want to go to Bali and learn about the culture/religion which is a surprise to the family.
88. I also want to do a yoga retreat on my own.
89. I drive a very old (but nice) car and it doesn't worry me the slightest bit.
90. To love and be loved: that's all that matters in the end to me.
91. I have to keep reminding myself that my daughter's choices are hers to make.
92. I am probably too hard on myself.
93. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt usually.
94. I can't stay angry. I see no value in it.
95. I love garbage day and I love the annual hard waste day even more.
96. I would love to have more rules. Containment works for me on the whole.
97. I'd rather be dominated with praise than punishment (but punishment can be erotic) *Sigh*
98. I can't imagine not being 'owned'.
99. I'm lucky in so many ways.
100. I'm happy.

2 comments:

  1. Vesta,
    No 53. Daughters will fight with their mothers. I would like to believe it is about learning how to be a good woman, a good person and at first we must battle. I fought with my mother continuously as a child/teen but she is one of my very best friends now. There is an internal struggle between women, I genuinely believe that and the mother/daughter conflict is just one example of such.
    No 57. I understand the butt plug sensation although it does not always work for me but I do relate. Oh so very much.
    No 66. Naps. Not just for babies. :) I adore a mid afternoon dream fest.
    No 74. Thumb sucking fascinates me. Oh the scientist/psychologist in me. :)
    No 81. Phone phobic? Really? I feel most comfortable on the phone. More than in person or on line.
    No 92. You are too hard on yourself. xx
    No 100 is my favourite.

    Again, thank you so much for opening yourself to us. I really liked learning the little things about you.

    ~a

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  2. goodgirl:

    re daughters: I adore her and she deeply loves me but she is inclined to have a go at me. I only have to look at her in some way (of which I am unaware) and she says it is a "disapproving" look. One has to acknowledge that she is a darling girl, very loving and kind with a temper not yet brought under control. We are either the very best of friends or there is an underlying tension between us and I never know what takes us from one stage to the next!

    Re butt plugs, sometimes I feel just a bit out of sorts...not quite right...and my mind eventually realizes that I haven't been doing what I am meant to do. It makes a big difference to me.

    In sex I can revert to being very small; helpless; overpowered and that's when the thumb goes in, if there's no gag over my mouth. The more the sensations elsewhere the harder I suck my thumb.

    I find the phone intrusive quite often and I hate having to say I can't help all those associations that call asking for money.

    I've always been inclined to be too hard on myself. It is the perfectionism rearing its ugly head. I'm harder on myself than anyone else, for sure.

    You're welcome!

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