I am sorry

In my university years, I had a waitress's job. The customers would come up to the blackboard and make their selections for dinner and then they would place their order with me. I can still recall in detail, a particular couple who stood at the blackboard deciding what they would order. They were about thirty years old. At the time, I considered them the ideal couple. He was attentive and loving to her, and she was basking in that love and attention. It was obvious they were having trouble keeping their hands off each other.

It was exactly what I wanted; to be in love and for a man to be in love with me. In my late teens and early twenties, I tended to want to be thirty. I wanted to have the air of sophistication that I felt a thirty year old carried. I wanted the sense of stability that I felt came with being thirty; a home of one's own and a little bit of money to decorate it tastefully. It is no secret that I am a bit of a homing pigeon. My thoughts were always to make a comfortable home and to share it with a man.

I thought about that couple as I walked this morning, right around the river. It felt good to be out early amongst the bikers and walkers and my mind was drifting, trying to settle itself from listening to my husband's upsetting words. I thought about my kink and all that has happened in the past three years. And, I thought back to the young girl that I was; wanting love and stability.

As our marriage has gone on, the importance of my following his lead, come what may, has increased. He will brook no argument with me and under those circumstances, I do my best to contain my thoughts, my needs and my wants. I do my best to live the life that he has deemed is the one we will live.

When he is good to me, loving and kind, my little world seems much bigger and better than any celebrity or heiress. When he is rude and without understanding for my concerns, my little world caves in on me. I wonder why I am living in such a cramped, little space.

For a woman to express her submission with ease and beauty, she needs her man to treat her very well. Therein is the secret of the D/s relationship. A woman such as me is prepared to lose everything, even her humanity at times, if the dominant man of her life treats her with the utmost respect.

It is for this reason that I continue to believe that a man in a D/s relationship, has no alternative but to express his apology when his behaviour has been below par. He loses nothing by doing so and in fact, her respect for him is restored. Three little words will change her day and her mindset. I see no reason why dominance and humility cannot, at times, be perfect partners.