Friday, July 10, 2009

High maintenance

It is something of a well recognized 'truth' amongst dominant people that submissives such as myself are 'high maintenance'. I don't refute it. I know that I am high maintenance. For a time, I believed that 'sub fever' was a transitory state and one that a girl eventually grew out of. Today, I am not so sure about that. I think it is quite possible for the state of 'sub fever' to go on indefinitely. For someone who accepted her submissive nature rather late in life, there were and still are, a great many layers of the onion to peel. It is possible that in the peeling of those layers, there is still much to learn, to think about and to experience. Potentially, the layers could go on and on for a very long time, and in that process of peeling the onion, a girl such as me could, potentially, be in a state of 'sub fever' for much longer than some people might think possible. I don't think it is the mind of the girl that puts a limit on sub-fever, but rather, it might be her circumstances.

And I come back again to the notion that girls such as me are indeed 'high maintenance'. They can 'suck up' a lot of time for a man. If dominant men were to meet over a drink I suspect that they would get around to talking about this with one another; to give one another a bit of consolation about this and perhaps to share a few tips. For, whilst we can be a lot of fun and give the man a really good time, in the bedroom and out, we can be demanding. For a man who has a big work load, or is at a time in his life when he needs to put a lot of himself into his work, or his project, or whatever, this is not always convenient.

On one level, practically speaking, the girl understands this. She is not his focus at this time and she needs to understand that it is nothing 'personal'. It is not about 'her'. It is just that he only has so many hours in a day; there is only so much of him to go around, and what he is doing in his business is important; not just for him, but for her; for their future. She understands that. She is sensible as well as kinky as she does her best to keep her expectations low and to take control of that submissive nature of hers, and that high libido of hers, and just accept the situation for what it is.

On another level, on a 'feelings' level, she feels a bit abandoned. She is trying so hard to be his 'good girl', to be undemanding and understanding, but her mind is racing with thoughts and memories of what it is like to be satiated and satisfied and she is hungry for that. She so wants to be fed.

The girl can attempt to talk to her man and to explain her issue; how she feels, but I should warn such submissives, that such a conversation may not always go your way. The dominant man, hungry for success and inclined to put nearly all his energies into ensuring that success, is not looking for his girl to have feelings that encroach on his time and his focus. He may even get defensive, and who needs that?

At the end of the day, that old virtue of patience must be relied upon. Eventually, he will come to the girl and give her a jolly good time. Again, her heart will sing, her mind will clear and she will smile through many days, with the memory of her experience. She will again have a lightness of being.

Yes. Yes. We are demanding and 'high maintenance'. But, we are also 'heaven sent', and the dominant would do well to remember that he, above all other men, is truly blessed.

6 comments:

  1. Vesta: Very interesting post on a sub being high maintenance. I'm sure your husband/master thinks he is truly blesed to have you as his sub.

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  2. Thanks for this post. I'm in the middle of a long, weary stretch of dom-withdrawal right now. (Okay, it's like 5 days, but that's a long time!)

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  3. Florida Dom: Thank you so much for your kind comment. I think he is happy to have me, to have had me, by his side all these years. Still, it doesn't hurt to remind him. (I'm smiling as I type this!)

    Scarlet Bottom: And, thank you for commenting. Yes, indeed! Five days can seem an eternity, and I send you my best wishes. Perhaps, something can be sorted out with your dom? He may well be going through sub-withdrawal and eating ice-cream on the couch himself. I hope that you feel better soon.

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  4. AnonymousJuly 10, 2009

    It can be difficult for a Master to strike the correct balance between micro-management and seeming detached. A wise Master seeks to empower his sub to enable her to show her devotion to him. This is achieved by giving his sub certainty and clarity on what is expected of her. Rituals like collaring when he arrives home and kneeling beside to the bed to be invited in are examples of bonding through rituals.

    A sub must remember that her joy comes from pleasing her Master and being demanding is likely to fall short of that goal. A better course for her is to show her submission by the sweet way she interacts with him rather than being high maintenance.

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  5. AKM: Yes, that's true, I think, and it usually goes along just as you suggest. From time to time, there is an imbalance that needs correcting. I certainly take your point that rituals provide for the bonding that enable this balance. I could never keep the hours that my husband keeps, so our little ritual is that I go to him and ask to go to bed, and this does bond us, even though I would much prefer he came to bed with me. Interestingly,it was in the past several days that I didn't do that, and hence I probably imbalanced myself!

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  6. AnonymousJuly 11, 2009

    AKM at some point all sweetness and light becomes boring. I require a sub that keeps me on my toes and challenges me perhaps high maintenance is not the right choice of words but it seems to fit.

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