It’s a big category – submissive women.
I have read that some submissive women don’t want the spanking. They are interested in only the control.
I’m not one of them. When I had that conversation with my husband to tell him about all the thoughts running about in my head, I didn’t say,
“The thing is...I am a submissive woman.”
That would not have been possible, because I did not know that I was a submissive woman at that time.
What I said was,
“I have a strong desire for you to spank me.”
So, he’s pretty clear on what I want. And, he’s happy to oblige.
We’ve been through various stages of the process, and one stage was that I was purposely naughty so that I could get spanked.
But, eventually that didn’t equate with the ‘good girl’ that I wanted to be. And, so we determined that daily maintenance was probably a good idea.
In fact, it was a very good idea. It works well.
It works well, except, when my man forgets.
One day is usually fine, and two are sort of okay, but by the third day, it really isn’t a good idea for me not to get my morning spanking, or paddling or whipping, or whatever takes his fancy. I just happen to find it very grounding. It keeps me humming along nicely.
I’ve mentioned this problem to my mentor, and surprisingly (!) he told me that maintenance is my responsibility. If I haven’t received it by a certain time, I must ask, politely, to be given my maintenance.
Well, that’s reasonable, of course.
Except for the fact that I’m a submissive woman, remember? I find it very difficult to ask. I have enormous difficulty doing this, and instead, I go and put my head in the sand.
I have been given exercises before – asking exercises. I’ve been trained to ask for things.
But still, it’s torture. It just goes across the grain.
But, I have to try.
Let’s see:
“Please...Sir..."
No...I have to try harder...
“Please, Sir, may I...may I...”
(looks pathetic...hopes he’ll finish the sentence)
(He does not.)
“Please, Sir, may I have...my maintenance?”
There. I did it on paper! Now, can I do it in real life?
It’s the $64,000 question.
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Dear Vesta,
ReplyDeleteyour post about asking reminded me of myself a long long time ago. i had the same feelings, like: asking for "torture", how can this be? Still, i wanted His "treatment". i needed to feel the pain ground me and the tears liberate me. But when it came to asking, it was like every cell in my body was saying "no". A very contradictory feeling...
Nevertheless i still asked. And got it. Now i receive his "treatment" on an almost weekly basis.It feels good. There is just one thing: Master, after declaring the backside of my body crop&cane-only territory, no longer allows me to ask. All i can do is wait...
Dear Clemmi:
ReplyDeleteSince you are my very first commenter, I am sending you a very big 'welcome', and 'thank you'. Honestly, one sits at one's desk when starting up a blog, and wonders, "Is there anyone out there?"
Your comment highlights to me how submission (of one sort or another) is truly a journey. What we said yesterday, may not be relevant today. And, in that sense, a blog is rather like a diary of one's thoughts, one's inner life.
I rather suspect that "waiting" nowadays serves you very nicely, and that your Master knows this. At least, you sound very comfortable about it.
Best wishes
Vesta