Today, I have been giving thought to any behaviour of mine lately which could be considered bad. As well, I have been thinking about any thoughts I might have had which could be considered bad.
I have taxed my mind, really. I have not left any stone unturned. And yet...and yet, the facts are, that I have been rather good. Now, perhaps there has been a slight little thing here or there. Nobody is perfect. Of course. But, in just about any little black book, I think the report would be good.
And yet, a girl has to keep trying...keep scanning the horizon of her mind to gather together a comprehensive list of any transgressions that she may have made. Was there an impure thought? Was she always as patient as she could have been? Did she follow all the rules? Did she consume sweeties? So very many things to consider, aren't there?
And, what of the thought that she thinks herself good? Perhaps, even that is bad. We don't want her too full of herself now, do we?
And, if she is too good, what value is she to the Dom, in any case? You don't need to convert a saint, do you?
So, she ponders. She pontificates. She is getting desperate.
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perhaps it is just me but in my relationship with my girl she is not the arbiter of her actions I am, her job is to relay actions mine to determine there meaning good or bad.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think that is probably the way it usually goes. The Dom's logic can be complicated and somewhat bamboozling to the girl, at times.
ReplyDeleteIn this case, Sir J, the idea was for me to consider my own behaviour and make a list of transgressions.
All will be revealed soon.
well carry on then and soon I will be in the know.
ReplyDeleteDear Vesta,
ReplyDeleteif you are following an order (i.e. "make a list girl!")then i rest my case.
If though you are insecure about the degree of your submissiveness (which seems to bother you a little bit)look around you: what is the feedback you get from your husband (Master?), Janus and other Doms. Sometimes it seems to me you are the only player in this thing.(i could be wrong here, trappings of the internet, hope you don't mind).
Vesta, listen to your heart. Stop "analysing the analysis" and LIVE your submission.
Hope i did not offend you,love,
Clemmi
Dear Clemmi:
ReplyDeleteI am not in the least offended, but rather touched that you are looking out for me. I appreciate you making the effort to do so.
I'll explain about the list very soon.
I do indeed tend to analyze rather a lot. For me, it is like searching for 'the truth', not just about myself but the desire in so many women to submit. It is so intense and yet they can't really accept it in themselves often.
I assure you I'm not the only player. I am extremely lucky to have a devoted husband, a lovely man who was willing to teach me from afar all that he knew, and some dear friends whose conversations I also treasure. They all tolerate my insatiable interest and for that I am immensely grateful.
I like the fact that you speak your mind. It is a valuable quality.
Love,
Vesta