It's well known that some people 'play' on the Internet; have a go at dominating someone or submitting to someone and I gather that lots of this experimentation takes place in 'chat rooms'. I've no idea where one goes for these chat rooms and I've little interest in finding out. I guess it could be interesting to see what that's like and to experience different types of Dominants having a go at trying to impress me with their particular style of domination but I hold out very little hope of having a positive experience. When submissives write about this sort of thing they seems to nearly always come across some person who hasn't a clue what he is doing and when dominants write about it they also seem to write about it as if it is some sort of game and they are putting our their 'lure'.
Well, personally I'm not a very easy fish to catch and I just can't imagine in a month of Sundays that I'd walk away from a chat room being enriched. I could be wrong, of course and I'd love to hear about other people's experiences.
I imagine in these 'chat rooms' wherever they may be, that dominants are big on 'Sir' and 'Master' and that wouldn't work for me. They're strangers. I've no idea to whom I am speaking and that sort of verbiage isn't something I'd be prepared to use. And, if they were to have expectations of me, well, that's definitely not going to work. Like any relationship I would need to go slow, to get to know someone before I'd even think of going any further than pleasantries. In my opinion, anything faster than that would seem false and even scary.
In fact, I've only ever found one person in whom I put my trust and my faith to allow for a 'transformation' and we were friends for eons before we went the route of him advising me. Oh, he advised me on an ad hoc casual basis before that but anything official and formal between us occurred long after we 'met'.
When I look back on that association it assumed enormously deep trust that isn't made in a day, a week or even a month, I don't think. It takes a lot of conversation and a lot of understanding of each other's needs before it gets to that sort of understanding of another person.
Having had a very positive 'over the Internet' experience I recognize that it is possible, albeit rare. It's an opportunity for someone new to all this to have a go and in certain circumstances it can go some way towards fulfilment, given complicated circumstances in one's 'real' life. However, it has to be said that one must keep their feet on the ground to avoid hurt. Internet friendships can vanish as fast as they appear and one has to keep that in perspective. As real as it can feel, it's tentative.
However, it's an interesting phenomena because I've met some wonderful people over the Internet and gained some lovely, long friendships and associations. It's quite extraordinary the range of kinky people that I've met through this journal; one of the huge benefits of writing here.
It takes enormous skill, time and commitment to honor an arrangement whereby one person agrees to assist/lead one person and the other person agrees to be assisted/lead, even over the Internet. Everybody has their own style and the difficult part is to match one person's style and beliefs with another. Frankly, without a sense of spirituality to the mentoring/leadership it seems a bit hollow to me and the huge attraction for me in the mentoring online was that it was about my mind, my senses, my inner core of being and the way I walked this Earth. It was an holistic approach and huge integrity both ways was central to the association. Now, how rare is that?!
It just may be that I'm well beyond someone telling me to do this or that every day unless I really saw the point. Dominance without very careful thought as to purpose is something that has no interest for me.
I think what I'm trying to say here is that any kind of dominance or submission for me has to do with creating a relationship of care and compassion. One person is looking to be cared for and to get to a certain place and one person believes that he or she can take them there, utilizing the skills of patience, understanding, commitment and determination.
I'm not at all sure that this sort of experience will ever be available to me again which makes me most grateful indeed that I had the opportunity to experience it at least once in my life.
Well, personally I'm not a very easy fish to catch and I just can't imagine in a month of Sundays that I'd walk away from a chat room being enriched. I could be wrong, of course and I'd love to hear about other people's experiences.
I imagine in these 'chat rooms' wherever they may be, that dominants are big on 'Sir' and 'Master' and that wouldn't work for me. They're strangers. I've no idea to whom I am speaking and that sort of verbiage isn't something I'd be prepared to use. And, if they were to have expectations of me, well, that's definitely not going to work. Like any relationship I would need to go slow, to get to know someone before I'd even think of going any further than pleasantries. In my opinion, anything faster than that would seem false and even scary.
In fact, I've only ever found one person in whom I put my trust and my faith to allow for a 'transformation' and we were friends for eons before we went the route of him advising me. Oh, he advised me on an ad hoc casual basis before that but anything official and formal between us occurred long after we 'met'.
When I look back on that association it assumed enormously deep trust that isn't made in a day, a week or even a month, I don't think. It takes a lot of conversation and a lot of understanding of each other's needs before it gets to that sort of understanding of another person.
Having had a very positive 'over the Internet' experience I recognize that it is possible, albeit rare. It's an opportunity for someone new to all this to have a go and in certain circumstances it can go some way towards fulfilment, given complicated circumstances in one's 'real' life. However, it has to be said that one must keep their feet on the ground to avoid hurt. Internet friendships can vanish as fast as they appear and one has to keep that in perspective. As real as it can feel, it's tentative.
However, it's an interesting phenomena because I've met some wonderful people over the Internet and gained some lovely, long friendships and associations. It's quite extraordinary the range of kinky people that I've met through this journal; one of the huge benefits of writing here.
It takes enormous skill, time and commitment to honor an arrangement whereby one person agrees to assist/lead one person and the other person agrees to be assisted/lead, even over the Internet. Everybody has their own style and the difficult part is to match one person's style and beliefs with another. Frankly, without a sense of spirituality to the mentoring/leadership it seems a bit hollow to me and the huge attraction for me in the mentoring online was that it was about my mind, my senses, my inner core of being and the way I walked this Earth. It was an holistic approach and huge integrity both ways was central to the association. Now, how rare is that?!
It just may be that I'm well beyond someone telling me to do this or that every day unless I really saw the point. Dominance without very careful thought as to purpose is something that has no interest for me.
I think what I'm trying to say here is that any kind of dominance or submission for me has to do with creating a relationship of care and compassion. One person is looking to be cared for and to get to a certain place and one person believes that he or she can take them there, utilizing the skills of patience, understanding, commitment and determination.
I'm not at all sure that this sort of experience will ever be available to me again which makes me most grateful indeed that I had the opportunity to experience it at least once in my life.
I too cannot imagine how an "online D/s quickie" would work! But perhaps that's actually not what happens in these chat rooms, but instead they are places where like-minded individuals can go to get to know each other better in general and perhaps explore ideas on a more abstract level?
ReplyDeleteI can vouch for internet chat on that level. I met and got to know a wonderful woman using a combination of email and chat software, and that friendship eventually became a RL live-in relationship, which eventually became a power exchange. But to have attempted to master her via the internet without that broader understanding of what made the other tick as a human being would have been quite farcical. What we did come to find via email and chat was that we thoroughly enjoyed contact simply as people first on any and all subjects, and subsequently that our urges in general were compatible, that certain scenarios were a turn-on for both, and that we shared a myriad of values and interests in the wider sense. For that, as witnessed here in this blog, the internet is a fabulous way of connecting, as it is entirely a meeting of minds, unencumbered by wider expectations and social constraints.
rollymo: Thanks for that. I really do adore the Internet because it opened up so much for me and clearly it opened up a most endearing relationship in your life as well. I've never been in a chat room or third dimension world or whatever you call it. It may well have amazing benefits for people but I just can't imagine it being so. But, I'd love to hear from anyone who has had an experience in one of them.
ReplyDeleteYou know, alas, I still have these fearful moments when I think to myself, 'perhaps if I closed my blog I'd stop thinking about all this and move on...' but I am always glad when I've let the thought go after a good nights sleep and wake up realizing that I *need* the outlet and to speak with people of a similar ilk. I really do *need* that *so* much.
Perhaps you have found your tribe? We all need to belong, after all. I agree it is incredibly validating and uplifting to be able to converse with people who really do understand and share one's values and ideals. The curse of these modern times is that the sense of social belonging has dissipated in local society as we travel and trade more globally. The blessing of these times is that we have the opportunity to build new tribes spread out across the globe via the internet and with the potential to be extremely powerful, keying directly into our deepest desires if we so choose. I feel remarkably fortunate to be around in these exciting times.
ReplyDeleteRollymo: And I think that's the correct response; to think of them as very exciting times...challenging in some ways and worthy of people stopping to pause about some losses (like manners) in society, but definitely exciting opportunities prevail.
ReplyDeleteI am a bit disappointed in this blog post. I honestly thought that the "old days" of judgments regarding "online vs. 'real' D/s" was long past but I was obviously wrong.
ReplyDeleteWe will be celebrating the 7 year anniversary of my collaring in a few weeks. We not only met online but we have never physically met at all. Maybe you would say that our relationship is not real at all, or not *as* real as others. But if you did, you would be wrong.
If you haven't ever gone to the types of chat rooms you seem to disparge quite readily, then how can you possibly judge them? Oh yes, I forgot, it's the internet and what you have heard, or what you assume, must obviously be true.
Schiava: It's wonderful to read that you've had such a positive experience meeting online. I am aware of a few people who have met this way living out very happy lives and I'm delighted you are one of them. Very personally speaking I'm skeptical that a chat room situation would work for me or that I'm likely to meet someone again on the Internet again that will mean as much to me as the relationship I experienced. I think I've already had my share of good luck. But, this is a very personal response and feeling and not at all a judgement of you or anyone else. I am most sincerely delighted you found happiness and congratulations on being collared for seven years. My best wishes.
ReplyDeleteThe penultimate paragraph is it exactly. You demonstrate a clear understanding of what this is all about and therefore of course, what it's not all about. Interesting, well done.
ReplyDelete