Last night I had an impulse to go to Fetlife and see what was happening there. I have had an account there for a few years but I very rarely use it. I think it is all part of my introverted nature to feel a bit lost in big situations and I can't seem to navigate my way around Fetlife or chat rooms. I'm definitely more of a one-on-one person and so far it hasn't provided a one-on-one experience for me where I've got to know a particular person well in those scenarios. Maybe I'm doing something wrong but it is probably simply my introverted nature at work. However, I did go to Fetlife for a reason last night. I was feeling very restless and I think I just wanted to be with 'like' souls; someone/anyone who might know what that felt like.
I looked up the various groups and found what I hoped would be the right group - Sadists and Masochists - and then I looked for a thread that might have meaning to me on this particular night. One person had asked what others do when they feel restless for pain. I read those responses which at least gave me a clue as to why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I could not have expressed that I needed pain but that's the thread I read, so I think that says something.
Some of the respondents said that they gave themselves pain. Some of them cut themselves. One person said that he pulled his hair hard to settle himself. Other people said that it was important to go out and do something physical and they had put their energy into running. For many people they used the art of distraction to get over the hump of that feeling of need for pain.
It was easier for the Sadists because they were able to settle themselves sometimes by impacting into a pillow; bringing an implement down hard on a soft object. The sound of the impact and the feeling of the impact in their hand and/or arm gave them some release from that feeling of need to give pain.
I wonder if the strategy that my mentor used with me was about feeding my masochistic need. It wasn't 'sold' to me as a strategy for overcoming my masochistic need since it was more of a 'pleasurable' thing and a 'use' thing. But, perhaps anal plugs actually do overcome, in part, my masochistic needs.
The thing is that until last night when I happened to read that particular thread I would not have said that I had masochistic/pain needs. However, I think I was wrong about that. I think I very much do have a drive for masochism/pain and without that drive for masochism/pain being fed I can become extremely restless. One girl wrote that when the impetus for some pain hit her it felt like she was "climbing the walls" and I related very strongly to that feeling as I read her words. My evening had been exactly like that. I feel better educated. At least now I can put words to that particular feeling of mine.
I looked up the various groups and found what I hoped would be the right group - Sadists and Masochists - and then I looked for a thread that might have meaning to me on this particular night. One person had asked what others do when they feel restless for pain. I read those responses which at least gave me a clue as to why I was feeling the way I was feeling. I could not have expressed that I needed pain but that's the thread I read, so I think that says something.
Some of the respondents said that they gave themselves pain. Some of them cut themselves. One person said that he pulled his hair hard to settle himself. Other people said that it was important to go out and do something physical and they had put their energy into running. For many people they used the art of distraction to get over the hump of that feeling of need for pain.
It was easier for the Sadists because they were able to settle themselves sometimes by impacting into a pillow; bringing an implement down hard on a soft object. The sound of the impact and the feeling of the impact in their hand and/or arm gave them some release from that feeling of need to give pain.
I wonder if the strategy that my mentor used with me was about feeding my masochistic need. It wasn't 'sold' to me as a strategy for overcoming my masochistic need since it was more of a 'pleasurable' thing and a 'use' thing. But, perhaps anal plugs actually do overcome, in part, my masochistic needs.
The thing is that until last night when I happened to read that particular thread I would not have said that I had masochistic/pain needs. However, I think I was wrong about that. I think I very much do have a drive for masochism/pain and without that drive for masochism/pain being fed I can become extremely restless. One girl wrote that when the impetus for some pain hit her it felt like she was "climbing the walls" and I related very strongly to that feeling as I read her words. My evening had been exactly like that. I feel better educated. At least now I can put words to that particular feeling of mine.
I know that restless feeling. I have come to know and accept my own masochistic drive, but I do not always understand it. The reality of that drive still takes me by surprise.
ReplyDeletelittlemonkey: I relate. I am under a great deal of stress at this time and feeling very helpless. I do wonder if I am looking for a relief from that distress and it has brought this feeling of 'climbing the walls' on. I know in my bones that a masochistic event would bring some relief and it's that release that I crave. This is just speculation on my part but makes sense to me.
ReplyDeleteI tend to seek out pain when im feeling down and needy, its almost like a craving and s/m is the drug and i need it to attain that buzz.
ReplyDeleteHowever i have to admit that i do enjoy having those needy feelings of craving pain that almost in itself gives me some form of relief until such a time he chooses to satisfy that need. It all adds to the build up for me until i can get it.
Not sure that makes sense lol
tori
tori: It does make sense to me. I can identify with what you write here and I would feel just the same way if I had some means of some sort of regular supply. My husband is 99.99% absorbed with finding a medical solution for his ailments and unfortunately I'm in that sort of needy state for far too long to enjoy it as I once did.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your input. It's an important point you made. It's all enjoyable really when the Dominant force is at hand in one capacity or another.
To say it's just a social site, I've learned quite a lot about myself from reading through threads on Fetlife like the one mentioned.
ReplyDeleteGreat post :-)
Vix @ ttoria.blogspot.com
Vix: Yes, it can be insightful, for sure.
ReplyDeleteOh finally! I have been long searching for fellow masochists & sadists to share my thoughts with. Hooray! Now, I do have a problem that I am hoping to get a solution to. I am a masochist, in my first relationship, and my boyfriend is a sadist. I have tried for weeks and weeks to get him to give me a sound punishment but alas, nothing. Only once did I see his feisty side come out in full swing (when he made a comment that upset me & I retaliated by sharply pinching his nipple. He fired up & in an instant took my offending hand, twisted it behind my back, bent me over the bed & demanded an apology) I got so excited by this I could hardly contain myself! *whew*:D But to get to the point, I want to know, what little things can a masochist do to enable a punishment? I wish to make him mad enough, but not too mad, to deliver a spanking or whipping. Maybe some examples of things others have done to get their discipline? I hope I can get some ideas, cuz I'm really at a loss & I'm desperate for a beating. Any help would be appreciate. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteAnon: Do you think you could sit him down and tell him you're curious and would like to know what it feels like to be spanked or whipped? I did that initially and my husband didn't hesitate to give me what I asked for. I don't really feel that I should be encouraging you to be naughty to get the whipping you want but instead, perhaps you should consider telling your man that you'd like to be held accountable for certain behaviors and for the penalty to be a spanking and see how he feels about having that dynamic with you. Or, perhaps it suits you best to have a weekly spanking. He'll soon figure out your thresholds. I think you have to decide what you want (which is likely to alter with time) and talk to your man about your needs and wants. If you're just misbehaved to get spankings that's okay if he sees this as play and is happy to play along but many men get tired of this game. Talk to him and get his feelings on all this.
ReplyDeleteHope this helps.
V.