An admission first: I haven't read every word of 50 Shades of Grey. In fact, I have just scanned it, picking out segments of it here and there to get a flavor of the writing, the two main characters and to see how the story ended.
Last week I put in an order for the book online because I needed to know what all the excitement was about. My daughter happened to mention to me, you see, that wherever she went to babysit there is a copy of this book on the bedside table of the marital bed. "Mummy porn" indeed! For $7.40 and no shipping charge I felt I could justify reading what no kinky person seems to have enjoyed just for the education factor.
Last night, as I was wondering what I might read I happened to spy a copy of said book on my coffee table. It seems that my daughter had been loaned the book by a female relative of her boyfriend who assured her that her boyfriend would deeply appreciate her reading it. She didn't mind me perusing the book for an hour or two, but under no circumstances was I to discuss the book or read out anything or tell her anything, she said. I wasn't to spoil it for her. Fair enough.
There were moments when I quite enjoyed their little dance of seduction. I thought the contract between them held promise and I thought the author did quite well in creating scenes. However, apart from that, it did nothing for me and in fact, the book's final pages were horrible, as far as I was concerned. It was presented as abuse; that he was sick and it really turned my stomach. I felt wretched that this was what my daughter had in store for her. I loathed the fact that experiences that had been so earth shatteringly wonderful for me would be presented as coming from an unhealthy mind that she needed to run away from as fast as her legs would carry her. It not only was non-arousing, it set us all back decades in any effort to be accepted by non-kinky people.
I returned to my current piece of writing with a new set of eyes. Initially, when I began my novel it was with the feeling that she needed to be 'caught' because he saw something in her that she didn't understand herself. It was his task, I felt, to explore her and investigate if he was right. He needed someone like himself to feel complete and he had a sense that this girl could possibly be a suitable partner. It was a gut instinct; nothing more. But, I'm writing a much later chapter now and in that I wanted the reader to be clear that although he has set rules and that the rules must be obeyed, she derives an enormous sense of satisfaction from following the rules and that she is happy. Even when tested and challenged, angry with him and feeling fractious, she is still where she knows she should be and wants to be. She is not running anywhere.
Apparently new 'Grey' books have been written and perhaps the outcomes will be better. But, I feel quite insulted from what I read, not just from my own personal perspective but from the perspective of all the men I have come to know who have taken on the responsibility of a submissive and/or masochistic woman and helped guide her, love her, mentor her and protect her.
Last week I put in an order for the book online because I needed to know what all the excitement was about. My daughter happened to mention to me, you see, that wherever she went to babysit there is a copy of this book on the bedside table of the marital bed. "Mummy porn" indeed! For $7.40 and no shipping charge I felt I could justify reading what no kinky person seems to have enjoyed just for the education factor.
Last night, as I was wondering what I might read I happened to spy a copy of said book on my coffee table. It seems that my daughter had been loaned the book by a female relative of her boyfriend who assured her that her boyfriend would deeply appreciate her reading it. She didn't mind me perusing the book for an hour or two, but under no circumstances was I to discuss the book or read out anything or tell her anything, she said. I wasn't to spoil it for her. Fair enough.
There were moments when I quite enjoyed their little dance of seduction. I thought the contract between them held promise and I thought the author did quite well in creating scenes. However, apart from that, it did nothing for me and in fact, the book's final pages were horrible, as far as I was concerned. It was presented as abuse; that he was sick and it really turned my stomach. I felt wretched that this was what my daughter had in store for her. I loathed the fact that experiences that had been so earth shatteringly wonderful for me would be presented as coming from an unhealthy mind that she needed to run away from as fast as her legs would carry her. It not only was non-arousing, it set us all back decades in any effort to be accepted by non-kinky people.
I returned to my current piece of writing with a new set of eyes. Initially, when I began my novel it was with the feeling that she needed to be 'caught' because he saw something in her that she didn't understand herself. It was his task, I felt, to explore her and investigate if he was right. He needed someone like himself to feel complete and he had a sense that this girl could possibly be a suitable partner. It was a gut instinct; nothing more. But, I'm writing a much later chapter now and in that I wanted the reader to be clear that although he has set rules and that the rules must be obeyed, she derives an enormous sense of satisfaction from following the rules and that she is happy. Even when tested and challenged, angry with him and feeling fractious, she is still where she knows she should be and wants to be. She is not running anywhere.
Apparently new 'Grey' books have been written and perhaps the outcomes will be better. But, I feel quite insulted from what I read, not just from my own personal perspective but from the perspective of all the men I have come to know who have taken on the responsibility of a submissive and/or masochistic woman and helped guide her, love her, mentor her and protect her.
Thank you
ReplyDeleteI read the first one because of the hype, i was left feeling disappointed for the same reasons you gave.
ReplyDeleteAnother perspective i thought of is the potential influx of 'submissives' seeking their Mr Grey, i know one UK bdsm site has noted an increase of females advertising as such..im not sure whether i find this amusing, bewildering or scary!
tori
I have read all 3 books, while the writing has the same flavor, the author does bring the two main characters back together with the understanding that it is what they both want/need in their relationship.
ReplyDeleteShe does explore his mind set and what happened to him to bring him to his present day need to be in a D/S relationship.
heather1
David: My pleasure.
ReplyDeletetori: There is definitely some phenomenon taking place. It could be a lot of things. It may be that women are looking for a man with some sort of will of his own. It's been a huge seller and something is speaking to them. Grey wants (and does) select her a new wardrobe of clothes. She seemed annoyed about that but I would have thought most women would be elated. I mean, even if there was *one* new item in my wardrobe that my husband brought for me to wear and told me not to fuss and to wear it when he said, it would really thrill me. So, there were some lovely little fantasies. He didn't like her car and wanted to buy her a new one, for example. The trouble was that she was starting to feel like a "Mistress". I don't really think Dominant men look to do this too often. I find them rather concerned they may spoil the girl and are more inclined to offer trinkets or something special once in a while rather than shower a girl with a whole new wardrobe or a brand new car. I didn't like the idea personally that he was ultra rich. I thought it took something away from the story.
I wonder if the idea of having all that delicious attention, even it meant being trained to do as told was a rather wonderful little fantasy for women who would never have identified as 'submissive' before reading this book.
I don't know what is going on. I wish I did. But, in the end it felt such a cop out to have him as some weirdo because he had a penchant for certain things. I think he was barking up the wrong tree with her anyway. She didn't seem to be in the relationship out of some organic need but more out of curiosity and a crush on him. At least, that's the feeling I got.
But, having said all that, my daughter is reading *every* word v e r y closely.
Heather: Do you think that was calculated - that there was always going to be more than one book?
ReplyDeleteGosh, darn! Does this mean that I have to order the other two books now??!!
Do you recommend that I do and did you enjoy the second and third book?
Yes, it was always going to be more than 1 book. The author does explore the mind sets of both of the main characters. I did enjoy reading all three books. The Author may not be a sub or a Domme but she does a fairly good job of exploring bdsm. And I do mean exploring. Grey is a very protective male through out the book but aren't most dominant men? It didn't take me long to read all 3 books but then I can read 5 to 6 books a week (yes, I'm a book worm, LOL. Love my kindle!)
Deleteheather1
Vesta,
ReplyDeleteWhenever the topic of 50 Shades comes up and it seems to pop up continuously these days, I appear to be the Devil's advocate and I believe I will be that voice here.
I have read each novel and the first thing to come to my mind was the atrocity that the words on the pages were/are considered literature. Within pages I found numerous diction and syntax errors not to mention run on sentences and repetitive usage of particular words. These novels are a perfect example of the demise of what writing once was, what it stood for.
The literature aspect aside I find nothing offensive about the novels. They are mere works of fiction, not to be taken as truth. While reading Harry Potter I did not once consider it real or that if I went to London I would indeed find platform 9 3/4. While reading The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe I did not expect to open my own armoire to find a magical kingdom and when I was a love struck teenager sneaking my mothers Harlequin Romance books I did not think a cowboy or pirate would whisk me away, take me to their lair and have their way with me only to marry me and together we would live happily ever after. When I watched Secretary I did not assume if I worked as an assistant I would be wearing a saddle and being hand fed seeds nor did I think if I met an eccentric millionaire at a fresh market I would eventually allow him to spank me on a mattress at a department store such was the case in 9 and 1/2 weeks.
The novels are fiction. They do not claim to be a true example of a relationship based on kink, D/s, BDSM. It is a story with faults and out liars and fantasy. Is there a chance that people might read this story and feel anyone who engages in such activities is a criminal, is psychologically impaired, that they were abused? Yes. Is there a chance people will read this and sum it up as just a novel? Yes. Fiction can not be held responsible for peoples choices and opinions. Yes it can influence but then again nearly everything can.
Personally I do not enjoy these novels. I find the story common place and lacking in imagination. The characters are not complete, mere shadows of what humans are and the language causes me to cringe as though I were trying to decipher text speech.
I have read numerous novels relating to kink and some I find lacking in excitement and others I find arousing. Some leave me angered because people do indeed participate in acts I find dangerous and irresponsible whereas others bring a smile to my lips because I can relate to the characters and am happy with the outcome. Regardless of the content though I do not hold the authors responsible with how people might view kink. And I do believe many people enter the lifestyle of BDSM because they were abused, I can say this freely because I have spoken with numerous people who have shared just that. I can say, off the top of my head, I know 11 women who engage in rape scenes because they were raped and they turned to kink as therapy. Do I agree with approach or reasoning? No. But it is not my place to tell others what they should or should not do or think. Live and let live.
As for acceptance. I do not believe nor do I expect anyone to accept my choices, my lusts and desires. I do not hope for others to accept it, I feel that goes against their very right. All I hope for is tolerance. Tolerance for others and respect for every persons choice. And if these novels bring to light some of the misdoings in the kink world, if it allows conversation to surface with a multitude of different people, well then I would say it did what all good novels do: bring thought and debate and growth.
~a
Vesta: regarding your concern that the notion of a balanced, healthy and mutually fulfilling D/s relationship is tarnished by the book's ending and that your daughter's perspective may be skewed by that. I haven't read the book and have no intention of doing so but I suspect that your daughter is adult enough and independent enough of thought to formulate her own conclusions regardless of the author's intent. The benefit of reading any such book I believe is to open the mind to the possibilities of a different way of relating to each other rather that to believe the storyline word for word. So maybe the destination doesn't really matter if your daughter finds the journey enjoyable?
ReplyDeleteJust my personal opinion and of course you are at liberty to disagree.
I think the first two books were meant to be one book, but she or her publisher chose to split it at a "natural" break point, because it would have been too long as one book. The third book is a continuation, but seems more separate to me than the first two.
ReplyDeletegoodgirl: You make some good points. I don't usually let what I read bother me. I don't know really why this book *does* bother me. As you say, it is fiction and if people enjoy it, why not?! And yet...
ReplyDeleteVesta,
ReplyDeletePerhaps it hits a little too close to home? Is there not twinge of your own experience somewhere in the story line? Not directly, not even in truth but perhaps just a tiny bit of something? Or could it be that you yourself sometimes wonder about kink? All possibilities. Maybe though it just angered you. Maybe the content and the unbelievably naive writings of said author disturbed you. I know for me just reading the *ahem* literature caused a few headaches. Had the content been the same but the writing style improved perhaps you might not have these same feelings? So many possibilities.
xx
~a
There are so many different reasons to find fault with 50 Shades that I don't even know where to begin.
ReplyDeleteHorrible writing not to mention being converted fan fiction - I've used a number of different terms to describe the writing, execrable is the best I've found. The aspect of mis-portraying BDSM as being the result of abuse is certainly of concern to the BDSM community at large.
Why can't the world discover Laura Antoniou rather than EL James?
Michael Saadhi
ReplyDeleteYes the writing is atrocious we agree on that end;however, the reality of abuse and those who turn to BDSM because of abuse is best not overlooked. Of course I do not believe the majority of people turn to BDSM because of abuse; however, I know of more than a handful who have. This is one story, just one. There are many, many others that can and do depict a different view.
All the best,
~a
Heather: It sounds like you got something out of it. It has certainly got people reading and talking about BDSM. I wonder what people are thinking about BDSM now if they had virtually no prior knowledge and have read these books. I wonder what sort of impression they have in their minds...
ReplyDeletegoodgirl: I'll be thinking about why it bothered for me for some time I think. I don't recall having such a reaction to a book before. Re your comment in response to Michael: I feel rather ignorant about what goes on 'out there' although I don't doubt abuse happens in all its manifestations. Is that really what these 3 books are about though? Reading reviews it seems that it becomes clear that events happened in Gray's life to lead him to BDSM but I also got the impression that the 'kinks' more or less go in book 2 and then it's more about more multiple-orgasmic sex, over and over again. At times, in the first book, he seemed insipid and I just got the impression that she really wasn't submissive at all and that was the real problem. Is that right or wrong?
Michael: One reviewer did make a valid point I thought that it was an opportunity to read the thoughts of a woman going through such an experience and it was that sort of over-active mind spurting out her moment by moment thoughts that was interesting. I've read posts and threads of comments where woman in particular (and women writers) have taken umbrage at the fact that the heroine is rather vacuous. They would have expected women to want to read about a woman with a strong personality having such an experience. As I said to good girl, my emotions were riled up when I read the final pages of book one and I am still coming to terms with why that is so. It wasn't the writing per se. It was the content for me; something about the whole story line really, really upset me.
Kathryn: That makes sense to me. It seemed the oddest thing to finish the first book in that way. It's that more than anything else that seemed 'wrong' to me, I think. From reviews I have read the third book is less than the other two, but alas I can't comment about that since I haven't read the other two books and won't have a chance to for quite some time.
ReplyDeleterollymo: (sorry,missed a few comments) Oh, yes, she's a big girl and she'll be all right whatever she reads but I find it upsetting that she may get a certain feeling about BDSM experiences and then transpose those feelings onto my experiences should she ever come to know about them, you see. I have had my ups and downs re BDSM experiences but the last thing I want her to think is that I have suffered "abuse". Who wants to think that her mother went through that??
ReplyDelete