What's in it for me?

We've moved away from the idea that there is a fixed way of doing things, thinking about things and seeing things. There are few 'rules' and 'norms' left that are intractable. Think about the rules of marriage, for example. It was very recently thought that two people of the same sex could never marry. It was considered a 'fact'. Soon, the 'facts' may change.

I would argue that people who write about their lives and their thoughts concerning their BDSM desires and experiences are creating their own realities. People write about their perceptions and understanding of things using rhetoric (language choices) as is to be found on blogs such as mine and those whom I read. We say, in countless ways and on many days, that we don't accept 'the way things are' and that we don't need to accept other people's views on how to live.

We aim to communicate effectively about what is in our hearts, our minds and our loins (!) by using rhetorical argument of one kind or another. In our choice of words and in our emotional appeals we try to convince and persuade our readers that our version of 'reality' is legitimate; pleasurable; erotic; healthy; realistic; or whatever else we happen to want to say about how we are leading our lives.

Some of us use photographs to assist with the argument we are making and often this photograph(s) will convey pleasure of one kind or another. Often, it is the idea of pleasure, joy, peace, balance, contentment, connection and so on that we look to explain and describe. Some of us write stories in an effort to explain the appeal and dynamic of people such as us, hopeful that our characters can convey to readers what our arguments may not.

A few years ago I read a story that I felt did a masterful job of convincing the reader that dominance was a pleasurable thing. The point was excellently made by the author contriving a little scene. There was a woman whose husband had given her a voucher for her birthday. This voucher entitled her to an act of dominance by a man who would act as her 'dominant' for the purposes of the 'gift'.

The woman was unconvinced and ambivalent about her husband's gift. She asked question after question of the man at the initial interview. "What's in it for me?" she asked in various ways, until the man had had enough. He telephoned a woman he had already dominated and asked her if she would like to orgasm. She said she would like that very much.  The man told her that she was not to orgasm until and unless she was given permission. This aroused the woman and very soon she was asking to come. He repeated that she was not to come.

The woman who had come to the man was so far not impressed. She was listening on the loudspeaker. As the minutes passed, the woman who wanted to orgasm was becoming rather desperate. Just talking to the man was making her very aroused and the more she thought about her desire to orgasm the more she desperately wanted/needed to orgasm. Her pleas and begging were reaching a fever pitch with the man continually insisting that she could not come yet; that she must wait for his permission.

The woman was now beside herself; utterly desperate. To the woman listening, she seemed to be in a great deal of pain. The woman listening felt incredibly sorry for her and could barely stand to hear her desperation. She also was now begging the man to let the poor woman orgasm, for heaven's sake; to put her out of her misery...

Finally, the man gave permission for the woman to orgasm and her explosive shrieks and orgasmic thrills and spills could be heard over the loudspeaker for the man and woman to hear in all their glory.

"Can you do that for me?" asked the woman to the man.

"If you do exactly what you are told..." he replied.

"Where do I sign up?" she wanted to know.

No words said by the man were able to explain to the woman what the 'gift' was but the other woman's pleasure spoke to her. She definitely was interested in that!

Sometimes, I get despondent because I think the game for me might be over. I do so adore this game of cat and mouse we play. I do so crave the pleasures of the body and the mind that BDSM practices provide. Thank God, they're not over for me. A new naughty toy can light my world like no diamond can do and for a fraction of the price. I'm in this for pleasure. Pure. decadent. greed. That's what is in it for me.