The patriarchal voice is the voice that refers to the rules and philosophy of the patriarchal system. To keep it simple, when speaking of the patriarchal system we might otherwise say, 'It's a man's world'.
I think you can argue that part of this philosophy handed down from generation to generation is that femininity is inferior to masculinity. Sometimes, women decide to mimic men's behavior because they determine that to live in a man's world, they have to play by the rules and femininity won't get them where they want to go. Thus, they put restrictions on the feminine.
The patriarchal system is not just inclined to see femininity as inferior. It is as damaging to men as it is to women because under the patriarchal system, men must play by the rules as well. It is difficult for men to express their vulnerability and their emotions because it has been thought that's not expressing strength or leadership; those skills strongly supported by the patriarchal system.
This patriarchal voice is contained within us. We take those messages in from society and we carry them within us. This voice speaks to us and effects our decision making and our behavior, often in subliminal ways. I don't profess to understand the dynamic of this voice as it effects all decision making we do but I was struck by some statements in my friend's notes on this subject.
She writes that when the patriarchal voice is suppressed or disowned it continues to live on in our lives in a dis-empowering way. This energy can come to us from a person outside of ourselves who carries that patriarchal energy and may treat us badly. A boss or a partner may use that energy and the result could be judgmental statements, an authoritarian stance, a lack of feeling or respect for others or an inflexible point or view. Both men and women may have a patriarchal voice. Women can make harsh judgments about other women just as easily as a man can make a judgment of a woman. (think: witches of Salem, perhaps)
The inner patriarch is used to leading and directing and thus, my friend concludes, if we were to give away that energy to someone else, we lose ourselves. She gives the example of a client who was a people pleaser to the point where she lost her 'self". Her patriarchal voice had been disowned and thus manifested itself in two men - her husband and her business partner - who belittled her, negated her actions and devalued what she brought to their lives.
You might start to get the feeling that I am struggling to put these thoughts together and come up with something that makes sense to me. I think what my new friend is getting at is that her patriarchal voice silenced her and allowed her husband and even her children to make decisions on her behalf that led to a great deal of pain. She became a victim to that patriarchal voice. Other people ruled her with a iron fist and she allowed that to happen.
My friend had a patriarchal voice within her that constantly reminded her of her inadequacies as a mother, a wife, a daughter. To become successful in the world she took on patriarchal energy but she lost her femininity. Eventually, she realized she could be feminine and still powerful. She discovered she could use her femininity powerfully.
I'm still cogitating about this but I can say with certainty that my goal is to use my femininity powerfully. My husband sometimes refer to a scale of femininity and I happen to be on the furthest end. I have been a victim to a voice within my head that feels it best to put other people's needs ahead of my own, often needlessly. I'm about to jump in the car to go to a screen writing lecture that I want to go to even though it is over the dinner hour - a big move in my life!
So, I've sometimes allowed myself to be the victim of a patriarchal kind of thinking in the sense that I have felt it my responsibility to ensure everyone's comfort and satisfaction ahead of my own, as if my needs were unimportant in comparison to theirs. I'm not sure if this is patriarchal thinking that I gathered from society at large or just that it seemed easier and better to put my needs secondary to others and thereby ensure the smooth running of life. I'm not entirely sure why I took that to extremes. It just seemed to work that way.
Embracing my femininity in the form of allowing my sexuality to be front and centre in my life is certainly empowering for me and to that end I have been brave. We live and learn. As I read more of what my friend has written my thoughts may change. One thing I can say with certainty is that she is happy and at peace now finally and her thinking about this inner voice appears worthy of more exploration.
I think you can argue that part of this philosophy handed down from generation to generation is that femininity is inferior to masculinity. Sometimes, women decide to mimic men's behavior because they determine that to live in a man's world, they have to play by the rules and femininity won't get them where they want to go. Thus, they put restrictions on the feminine.
The patriarchal system is not just inclined to see femininity as inferior. It is as damaging to men as it is to women because under the patriarchal system, men must play by the rules as well. It is difficult for men to express their vulnerability and their emotions because it has been thought that's not expressing strength or leadership; those skills strongly supported by the patriarchal system.
This patriarchal voice is contained within us. We take those messages in from society and we carry them within us. This voice speaks to us and effects our decision making and our behavior, often in subliminal ways. I don't profess to understand the dynamic of this voice as it effects all decision making we do but I was struck by some statements in my friend's notes on this subject.
She writes that when the patriarchal voice is suppressed or disowned it continues to live on in our lives in a dis-empowering way. This energy can come to us from a person outside of ourselves who carries that patriarchal energy and may treat us badly. A boss or a partner may use that energy and the result could be judgmental statements, an authoritarian stance, a lack of feeling or respect for others or an inflexible point or view. Both men and women may have a patriarchal voice. Women can make harsh judgments about other women just as easily as a man can make a judgment of a woman. (think: witches of Salem, perhaps)
The inner patriarch is used to leading and directing and thus, my friend concludes, if we were to give away that energy to someone else, we lose ourselves. She gives the example of a client who was a people pleaser to the point where she lost her 'self". Her patriarchal voice had been disowned and thus manifested itself in two men - her husband and her business partner - who belittled her, negated her actions and devalued what she brought to their lives.
You might start to get the feeling that I am struggling to put these thoughts together and come up with something that makes sense to me. I think what my new friend is getting at is that her patriarchal voice silenced her and allowed her husband and even her children to make decisions on her behalf that led to a great deal of pain. She became a victim to that patriarchal voice. Other people ruled her with a iron fist and she allowed that to happen.
My friend had a patriarchal voice within her that constantly reminded her of her inadequacies as a mother, a wife, a daughter. To become successful in the world she took on patriarchal energy but she lost her femininity. Eventually, she realized she could be feminine and still powerful. She discovered she could use her femininity powerfully.
I'm still cogitating about this but I can say with certainty that my goal is to use my femininity powerfully. My husband sometimes refer to a scale of femininity and I happen to be on the furthest end. I have been a victim to a voice within my head that feels it best to put other people's needs ahead of my own, often needlessly. I'm about to jump in the car to go to a screen writing lecture that I want to go to even though it is over the dinner hour - a big move in my life!
So, I've sometimes allowed myself to be the victim of a patriarchal kind of thinking in the sense that I have felt it my responsibility to ensure everyone's comfort and satisfaction ahead of my own, as if my needs were unimportant in comparison to theirs. I'm not sure if this is patriarchal thinking that I gathered from society at large or just that it seemed easier and better to put my needs secondary to others and thereby ensure the smooth running of life. I'm not entirely sure why I took that to extremes. It just seemed to work that way.
Embracing my femininity in the form of allowing my sexuality to be front and centre in my life is certainly empowering for me and to that end I have been brave. We live and learn. As I read more of what my friend has written my thoughts may change. One thing I can say with certainty is that she is happy and at peace now finally and her thinking about this inner voice appears worthy of more exploration.
I very much respect your view, but the sooner we can break free from talking about Patriarchy, Matriarchy, mysoginy, misandry and all behaviours in between and start talking about Assertiveness, the better life will be for both sexes. Femininity is not a weakness and masculinity is not a strength. Neither is intrinsically more desirable or valuable than the other. They are not even opposing; they are simply catch-all phrases to describe groups of generic attributes and behaviours. Each attribute's worth or suitability can only be measured in context of the environment in which it presents itself. History is littered with examples of men and women who have made the best of their attributes. In the 21st century western world, both sexes should be thankful for the freedoms they enjoy to express themselves and achieve their potential. We are luckier in this respect than any generation before us.
ReplyDeleteWhen we point to being a victim of societal norms, whether gender-based or culture-based or age-based, we should remember that each individual makes a choice to view themselves as a victim or not. Those who succeed in their endeavors tend to focus on what they can achieve and not on what is holding them back. Societal constraints may be an influencing factor but they do not define our destiny. Only we have that power over ourselves.
rollymo: I'm all for positive thinking ("making a choice to view yourself as a victim or not")and "assertiveness" is very important. Each person has to ask himself or herself what he or she wants out of life and go from there, no matter what age and what stage of life one is at. I've been very disinclined to give patriarchy a second thought, preferring to work within life as I know it for the best outcome. As for all the other categories you mentioned, I'd have to think long and hard about them before uttering a word because I know so little about them. So, this is not an area of strength for me.
ReplyDeleteHowever, as I read my friend's words I was struck by some of the comments she makes. She writes that some inner philosophy was making her observe men either through rose-colored glasses which glossed over their defects or through grey tinted glasses that caused her to emphasise their faults. She wondered if this information came to her through a "filter" of which she was unaware and if her reality was "censored and controlled". At the moment, I don't have a firm opinion one way or the other but I'm not prepared to dismiss it as out of hand as this stage,as you suggest. Sorry to say, I'll be thinking and writing more around this topic, I suspect.
This is an interesting topic, especially as we live in a time period where many have taken extreme turns in direction from the more traditional roles of previous generations.
ReplyDeleteThis lifestyle has taught me to work with using my "feminism powerfully" as well. It's such a primal feeling, and life goes so much smoother when I am able to channel into this.
Serenity: Feminism is averse to patriarchal interpretations of truth and women are deciding for themselves what is right for them, often completely rejecting the patriarchal voice that subliminally talks to them. I don't necessarily think this is a bad thing. I think couples are working out the dynamic of their relationship for themselves. We *choose* this dynamic and in so doing have tapped into our femininity and wisely decide to do so powerfully and with panache!
ReplyDelete