There's a strong erotic component to a power exchange; at least, there is for me. Without the erotic component firmly in place, the attraction for a power exchange relationship is not nearly as strong as it would otherwise be. I mentioned a few posts ago that the idea of a professor who supported my efforts was attractive. The fantasy would be much more appealing however if he were deeply attracted and aroused by me and couldn't wait to bed me. I am perfectly happy to move from a professional stance to an erotic stance and back again and I can certainly handle both components in a fantasy, or in real life for that matter.
Sometimes, life isn't particularly erotic. People get sick and develop complaints that mean that their energy supplies may be zapped. They may feel achy and have muscle pain and their minds may not operate as sharply as they once did. There are all sorts of conditions where this may be the case: chronic fatigue syndrome to name just one such condition. When such a condition occurs there is no easy solution and life changes for a period of time.
When you are in a committed relationship such as I am, an honest to goodness 'for better or worse, in sickness and in health' relationship, the only question that needs to be answered is 'how do I help him best?'. One's own needs and desires must be put aside and somehow the power exchange that one entered into has to be modified. The boss is always the boss but how he operates may have to change for a time.
I don't know for sure if this is what is in the cards for me. It may be so and I am speculating how to best manage this period of my life if that were to be the case. I'm not a natural nurse. I like my family to be fighting fit. I like to be fighting fit. I need to find a state of mind wherein life may be slower and little may be achieved by him; a life wherein more responsibility must be born on my shoulders but with even more empathy and sensitivity than usually required on any regular given day.
Decision making is a potential area of great difficulty. Decisions are often his domain but if he didn't feel he wanted to make a decision on any given day, is there to be no decision or would he be willing to give some power to me? I can't imagine him doing so with any ease. Giving up control is something he wouldn't like no matter what the circumstances...
I've done a little reading to prepare myself. It's what I do. I like to be prepared. I've spend the past few weeks making a lot of suggestions and it seems that if there is no easy solution to the situation I have to stop doing that and instead ask how he is traveling today; accept that some days will be much better than others; find my peace with it.
I've actually committed to a big academic workload for the next three months but how interesting my instincts were that I didn't arrange an overseas holiday this year, although we talked about it. We do have planned a little sojourn but it is an easy thing; no pressure and any amount of rest as is required. My instincts were good there. I'll have to be extra organized but some exercise every day and getting to my desk early in the day should enable me to keep ahead of the workload and keep myself well.
This period of time is not about me. It is about him. Yes, he's the boss and I'm the submissive but I have no choice but to step up to the plate and nurture him; to dig deep and find my inner strength; to put aside my own needs at this time. I'm not sure how to play that out right now but I'll work on that; be open to moderating things as we go.
I was fortunate to read an article about Michael J Fox yesterday whilst out and about and I liked what he had to say; that his focus is on 'acceptance' and not on 'expectation'; that the more he can achieve this state of mind, the better the day goes. It resonated. I look forward to seeing him speak when he comes to Australia later this year. He noted that his wife is appalled when people say how good she is to have stayed with him. "Huh? He is my husband!" she replies.
That's the point. In a life together some shit is going to happen. But, life is what you make it and we'll be fine.
Sometimes, life isn't particularly erotic. People get sick and develop complaints that mean that their energy supplies may be zapped. They may feel achy and have muscle pain and their minds may not operate as sharply as they once did. There are all sorts of conditions where this may be the case: chronic fatigue syndrome to name just one such condition. When such a condition occurs there is no easy solution and life changes for a period of time.
When you are in a committed relationship such as I am, an honest to goodness 'for better or worse, in sickness and in health' relationship, the only question that needs to be answered is 'how do I help him best?'. One's own needs and desires must be put aside and somehow the power exchange that one entered into has to be modified. The boss is always the boss but how he operates may have to change for a time.
I don't know for sure if this is what is in the cards for me. It may be so and I am speculating how to best manage this period of my life if that were to be the case. I'm not a natural nurse. I like my family to be fighting fit. I like to be fighting fit. I need to find a state of mind wherein life may be slower and little may be achieved by him; a life wherein more responsibility must be born on my shoulders but with even more empathy and sensitivity than usually required on any regular given day.
Decision making is a potential area of great difficulty. Decisions are often his domain but if he didn't feel he wanted to make a decision on any given day, is there to be no decision or would he be willing to give some power to me? I can't imagine him doing so with any ease. Giving up control is something he wouldn't like no matter what the circumstances...
I've done a little reading to prepare myself. It's what I do. I like to be prepared. I've spend the past few weeks making a lot of suggestions and it seems that if there is no easy solution to the situation I have to stop doing that and instead ask how he is traveling today; accept that some days will be much better than others; find my peace with it.
I've actually committed to a big academic workload for the next three months but how interesting my instincts were that I didn't arrange an overseas holiday this year, although we talked about it. We do have planned a little sojourn but it is an easy thing; no pressure and any amount of rest as is required. My instincts were good there. I'll have to be extra organized but some exercise every day and getting to my desk early in the day should enable me to keep ahead of the workload and keep myself well.
This period of time is not about me. It is about him. Yes, he's the boss and I'm the submissive but I have no choice but to step up to the plate and nurture him; to dig deep and find my inner strength; to put aside my own needs at this time. I'm not sure how to play that out right now but I'll work on that; be open to moderating things as we go.
I was fortunate to read an article about Michael J Fox yesterday whilst out and about and I liked what he had to say; that his focus is on 'acceptance' and not on 'expectation'; that the more he can achieve this state of mind, the better the day goes. It resonated. I look forward to seeing him speak when he comes to Australia later this year. He noted that his wife is appalled when people say how good she is to have stayed with him. "Huh? He is my husband!" she replies.
That's the point. In a life together some shit is going to happen. But, life is what you make it and we'll be fine.
Good luck as you embark on this journey my friend. You are strong and intelligent and will be able to handle those daily challenges.
ReplyDeleteMindset: You said exactly what I needed to hear. I *will* manage. I *will* be okay. Thank you so much!!
ReplyDelete