Menopause can be unkind. A woman can find that without hormone replacement therapy she lacks vitality and her sexuality can wane. A blood test can easily establish the status of hormones in a woman's body, fortunately, and the matter can be sorted and balance restored.
Personally, I have not needed to go down that road but it was established that there is one hormone that my body can no longer make in adequate quantities. Twice a year an implant is put underneath my skin and within days I am very aware that my body and my mind are reacting in ways that bring my sexuality front and forward.
One of the students in my tutorial, a young bi-sexual man mentioned in the discussion board recently that he has abandoned the idea of writing about his sexuality (opting instead to writing about gaming) because his sexuality wasn't really all that much a part of his day. He went to work and came home again and slept and ate and saw friends. When he sat down to write about his sexuality nothing really came to the surface, he said.
If you've had more than a few minutes reading this web journal you know that I don't have all that much trouble writing about my sexuality and that it is an important element in my life. I know when testosterone is very low in my body. The sexual thoughts still come regularly; too regularly some might say. However, it is more through a bit of a foggy environment. They aren't crystal clear as they will be in about three days. (I go to collect my implant and have it put in shortly.) With adequate amounts of the hormone in my blood stream, my thoughts will return to rather lewd and even crude images and my body will respond with the desire to be satisfied. It will all take on the urgency with which I am now so familiar.
It's odd. I have running through my tumblr site any number of very graphic photographs. Sometimes, all you can see are body parts being penetrated. I doubt I have an ounce of testosterone left in my body as I write these words and I still find a certain peace in looking at those images. They still mean something to me. They remind me that my body is something I wish to be used; that my mind can find a stillness and a sense of well-being that I seek; that all is right in my world.
Yet, in three days (or close thereto) the hunger will return and a more appropriate word than 'hungry' would be 'ravenous'. The urgency will come again and my desire to be taken and ravaged will return to the forefront of my mind. In some ways, I'll become a burden again, too.
As I write these words first thing in the morning before the busy days of my life start up again and I settle my sons for their exams today, making them a nutritious breakfast and taking them to their places of examination, I confess I have felt a certain consolation in not having so great a need for a time. I've focused on making my mother's 80th birthday lunch special and it was very special; a great success. I've organized myself and the coming new semester. I've tried hard to settle myself and find my peace with a new phase of life; a new way of living.
Yet, I cannot deny that in three days I know that I will feel truly alive again. My sexual self is my true self. I'm very grateful that science will enable me to feel my true self for a very long to come.
Personally, I have not needed to go down that road but it was established that there is one hormone that my body can no longer make in adequate quantities. Twice a year an implant is put underneath my skin and within days I am very aware that my body and my mind are reacting in ways that bring my sexuality front and forward.
One of the students in my tutorial, a young bi-sexual man mentioned in the discussion board recently that he has abandoned the idea of writing about his sexuality (opting instead to writing about gaming) because his sexuality wasn't really all that much a part of his day. He went to work and came home again and slept and ate and saw friends. When he sat down to write about his sexuality nothing really came to the surface, he said.
If you've had more than a few minutes reading this web journal you know that I don't have all that much trouble writing about my sexuality and that it is an important element in my life. I know when testosterone is very low in my body. The sexual thoughts still come regularly; too regularly some might say. However, it is more through a bit of a foggy environment. They aren't crystal clear as they will be in about three days. (I go to collect my implant and have it put in shortly.) With adequate amounts of the hormone in my blood stream, my thoughts will return to rather lewd and even crude images and my body will respond with the desire to be satisfied. It will all take on the urgency with which I am now so familiar.
It's odd. I have running through my tumblr site any number of very graphic photographs. Sometimes, all you can see are body parts being penetrated. I doubt I have an ounce of testosterone left in my body as I write these words and I still find a certain peace in looking at those images. They still mean something to me. They remind me that my body is something I wish to be used; that my mind can find a stillness and a sense of well-being that I seek; that all is right in my world.
Yet, in three days (or close thereto) the hunger will return and a more appropriate word than 'hungry' would be 'ravenous'. The urgency will come again and my desire to be taken and ravaged will return to the forefront of my mind. In some ways, I'll become a burden again, too.
As I write these words first thing in the morning before the busy days of my life start up again and I settle my sons for their exams today, making them a nutritious breakfast and taking them to their places of examination, I confess I have felt a certain consolation in not having so great a need for a time. I've focused on making my mother's 80th birthday lunch special and it was very special; a great success. I've organized myself and the coming new semester. I've tried hard to settle myself and find my peace with a new phase of life; a new way of living.
Yet, I cannot deny that in three days I know that I will feel truly alive again. My sexual self is my true self. I'm very grateful that science will enable me to feel my true self for a very long to come.
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