Giving

When my son was just a young child, he was given a copy of 'The Giving Tree', but we didn't read it all that often. It tended to make us a bit sad. There was the tree, willing to give everything that he had to the boy, until finally he gave all of himself to the boy, spare a stump. The boy made a boat and sailed away. In his old age, the boy returned to the tree and the tree worried that he had nothing left to give. But, the boy was now an old man and the stump served him well as a seat and together again, the boy and the tree were at one. You see. It is a little sad, isn't it, in spite of the ending.

Perhaps the greatest thing about the human condition is that nearly all parents have a built in desire to put their children's needs first. Most parents are willing to put their children's needs ahead of their own and will go without a great deal if that means that their children have opportunity, good health or happiness. They didn't learn that in a rule book of parenting, and no one told them that this is the way it must be. It is ingrained inside of them. It is the natural response.

It is well understood by my regular readers that in a power relationship both the dominant and submissive give of themselves to the other, according to their roles, and that neither the submissive nor the dominant is more important than the other. Having said that, I wish to consider today the submissive woman (keep reminding yourselves, please, that I just don't know a single fact about the submissive man)in relation to the natural impulse to give of herself, much like the parent or the tree.

A submissive woman wants to please. She wishes to be at one with her man and she will do a great deal to achieve and maintain that happy state of affairs. Her dominant will ask of her that she obey him and she does so, regardless of whether or not she knows better. She accepts his leadership with confidence in his ability to lead but aware of the inevitable fact that he will err in his judgement, from time to time. Still, she follows, sometimes through the abyss, forgives him and follows him again. She does this, sometimes against her deepest instincts and inner voice that sings out to her that a mistake is in the making. Her instincts for recognizing a flawed plan are good but her instincts to submit to his will are even greater.

A submissive woman is a delicate creature: wanting to love and be loved with a burning intensity, willing to give of herself, time and time again. She is a good and noble woman. Like the tree, she is only unhappy if she has nothing left to give.

It is the role of the dominant man to direct the submissive woman and in so doing, he takes the best of her and revels in that gift. Wanting to give as she does, the possibility is always there that she give away herself: everything but 'the stump'. The wise dominant will ensure that she only gives away so much, for the submissive woman still requires her identity in the world; her branches and leaves. The submissive woman is complex. Sometimes, she needs the protection of the dominant; from her own desire to give too much.