What I learned

The saying goes that 'time flies when you are having fun' and I have had a great deal of fun with this blog. I have absolutely loved it and I continue to love it, every day. This post is a bit of a milepost for me. It is my 200th post and I haven't even come close to running out of things to say here. There is something about the number '200' that has me wanting to say something especially significant today. I've written a good many words here on the blog and perhaps today is a good day to reflect on what I have learned.

I've learned a great deal about me. I've learned that I have a deeply submissive nature and that I yearn for control. I've learned that in my most difficult moments, I don't want sympathy or being left to my own devices. I don't need space, or time, or distraction. I need my man. I need my man to come and physically control me. I need him to spank me, and very hard at that, and I need him to make use of my body any way that suits him. The moment I begin to feel that he is in control of me, I begin to feel my spirits lift and my little world gets put back on its axis. I need him more than I can possibly say, and I always have.

I've learned how to function best in my life. In order to deal with my husband's business ventures,the daily ups and downs, the ongoing phone calls, the high risk and the potential wins and losses, I need to withdraw from it. Whilst one ear is listening and supporting, the other ear is drowning out the message. I have found great comfort in a bit of a fantasy world where things always stay the same. I no longer worry about my inability to be comfortable in chaos and instead focus on all the other lovely things about life.

My husband understands me better now and he does his best to allow me that sense of stability and calm. He still talks to me about it all and I still listen but he gets a sense now of when I am overloaded with the detail. My job is to support him without letting that world infiltrate my little world. In my little world, the focus is on things more serene, more aesthetic and more fulfilling to the soul. Our union and our family operate at optimum level when this girl is very happy, light and breezy.

It is my inner life that guides and sustains me. I'm a girl whose spirit wants to be free to fly. I want to enjoy my life and react with and respond to that which is spiritual. I want and need to feel an inner peace and to be at one with the world. I do this by giving of myself. I give my love and my joyous and caring spirit to my husband, my children, my family and friends, and to you.

Wrongs are done in the world every day. People hurt and travesties of justice are done. This is the reality. I cannot sweep that away. I have no magic broom. But, what you will find here is something above and beyond the daily toil of life; burdens and responsibilities. What you will find here is the power of love, of positive spirit, of embracing your true selves and finding the magic in your day and in your life.

I live in a cage of my own choosing, and I love that cage so very, very much. In that cage, I am free to let my spirits soar. I don't ever want to leave. This is what I learned.