Attention

It is no secret that the submissive finds the attention she receives from her dominant appealing. Even if a girl (another reminder here that I know not all submissives are girls, but I don't feel that I have any knowledge about submissive males that is worth sharing) does not consciously realize that this is a major reason why she wants to be under the power of a dominant, on some level she knows that she is a bit of an attention sponge. I don't say this disparagingly. I am, after all, one of those attention sponges of whom I speak.

We all know what it is like to be speaking to someone not paying attention to our words. They tend to lose engagement in the conversation, merely nodding or perhaps thinking their own thoughts. Their gaze begins to wander around the room. You know you have lost them.

My husband and I caught a lovely show from the UK last night on the television; 'Outnumbered'. The parents were trying to talk to the grandfather about the fact that he was too unwell to live in his own home. The children had been settled elsewhere, but of course, in one came (a precocious seven year old)to ask if he could have some biscuits.

"Yes. All right. Go!"

"Can I get my head shaved, too?" he then asked.

He knew that they were not listening to him; merely paying him 'lip service'.

A dominant does not listen to his submissive at his peril. He has to be 'in the moment'. He has to pay attention to her exclusively in order to do his job well. Whilst at times it can be 'challenging' to answer all the dom's questions, the submissive is appreciative of the attention. He does not want to misinterpret what she is saying. He might ask her to define a word, to put her words in another way, to explain further what she means. All this time, he is paying close attention to her words, and even the way she moves her body. Is she looking straight at him or has she glanced out the window? Is she straightforward in her speech or is she using generalities? He wants to be sure of her meaning.

In the past day I have read two very interesting posts and both of them relate to the issue of a dominant needing to pay attention to the girl, at the exclusion of all else. Whilst together, he is focused on her and only her. Mr. Cross notes:

"When I am working a girl, or training, or mentoring, I feel it is critical to be in the moment. One does not wish to be distracted by thoughts of what has been, or what may be. For myself, if I am to read a girl's responses well, then I must focus my attention on her. Interestingly, I often find that my focus is so directed that I am not even paying attention to my own responses."

In his story of the cherry picker, Deity notes (and by the way, welcome back Deity. It is such a pleasure to see you publishing again!):

"He took to his tasks with the same qualities. His calling was the thousands of cherry trees growing in the orchard just outside his door. He didn't see the empty pails waiting to be filled with the sweet, red morsels. Nor did he see trees teeming with ripe fruit, ready for his gathering. Instead, he saw only individual cherries popping from the tree into his hand. Each garnet, with its rosy skin and firm, yet curved rump received his undivided attention."

It is one of the greatest gifts a girl can be given; to be the recipient of undivided attention. When he shines his light on her, she begins to believe that she can be whatever he wants her to be. She can shine bright.

Without adequate attention the connection between the dominant and the submissive fades. She needs that attention like she needs oxygen to breathe. He knows that, and he watches carefully; questions closely.

All is well.