Regular readers will know that little Vesta has ventured quite a bit on the inside; in her mind. Her thoughts have meandered over various hills and valleys and she is having a marvellous time letting those thoughts out here, and elsewhere, in deliciously wicked ways. Some of those thoughts are darker than others and that is rather appealing to her. She can be rather naughty, indeed, in her thoughts.
That's the inside. But, what about the outside? I'm not an overtly sexy looking girl, though I don't know what is an overtly sexy looking girl. I know when I feel sexy and that is usually when I am wearing a dress which is shapely but fairly plain; heels, minimal but good looking jewellery, my hair freshly washed and blow dried, my makeup carefully applied; a little perfume. If I feel confident then I feel sexy; ready for anything. We girls need that burst of confidence, I think.
It has been suggested to me that as a man takes his girl deeper into her own mind and into his own desires for her, he might want her darker; perhaps, for her hair to be dyed a darker colour than her natural colour. For some years, I've actually added lightness to my natural hair colouring. It suits the tone of my skin and my eye colour. But, of course, as per my nature and desires, I am subject to persuasion and I have been giving this idea some thought. As a younger woman, my hair was a darker colour and when my friend made the suggestion of darker hair for a darker mind, I immediately thought back to a conversation with my old boss. I think I was about thirty years old.
We were sharing a quick bite to eat at a restaurant near the office sitting opposite one another when he looked at me and said, "I like your hair that darker colour. It gives you a hungry look." I didn't know what he meant and I still don't, but my friend's comment had me wondering all over again.
What does a man want in a woman's appearance? Does he want an angelic looking girl; one for whom butter wouldn't melt in her mouth? A 'bad girl' look; one who will accept his own dark desires with glee? Does he want her well groomed; a 'nice girl' who is kind and who can order his life? Does he want the sunny disposition of a giggly, smiling blond, or the mystery of the dark haired girl; unknown?
Or, whatever she is; blond, red head, black; does he wish to transform her into his own creation? I can only think of one scenario that it is unpalatable and that is that he does not care enough to at least try to transform her into that which is wholly pleasing to him.
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An interesting ponder, indeed. Although the conclusion leaves me unsure whether to say I question that, or just go out and shoot myself...
ReplyDeleteAsk him. It really only matters what one man wants, right? I think I am many of those things, a range of possibilities, and in the right place at the right time, he enjoys the variety! However, my hair color stays the same...but that's just me (and his desire).
ReplyDeleteI have told people I don't do girl very well. By that I mean that I never learned to dress stylishly, apply makeup, or do anything with my hair but straight and long. I don't own a blow dryer, can't walk in heels, detest clothes shopping, and have given up on hose completely. One of the few things that will always trigger a major bout of pissiness with my husband is getting dressed up for a fancy event. It's not that I think these things are worthless, I just can't do them. I feel like the results are laughable, rather than elegant or even attractive.
ReplyDeleteFancy dress up affairs aside - he likes doing that and would quite appreciate it if I would get with the program on that one - I'm not sure how my husband feels about my 'style' or lack thereof. I was this way when we married, so maybe it's not so much a priority for him, maybe he really does wish he could 'transform' me, maybe I should be a little nervous that this is an area he will decide to exert a little decision making power. I'm with JZ though, if I truly thought that his not trying to transform me thus far were an indication of lack of caring, I would be demoralized indeed.
Interesting thoughts Vesta. When my husband and I started dating he was already attracted to my style (the way I dress, my hair...) I've never seen that preference change though occasionally he will veto certain items of clothing. My style has changed and grown as I get older, and there has been some variety. I think from the inside I can project angelic and sweet, the "bad" girl", or a playful, fun loving girl. I am all these things. I actually appriciate the fact that he doesn't try to direct the way I look, and I hope that means he's happy.
ReplyDeleteI really don't have a theme when I start a sculpture
ReplyDelete. The rock guides me to the final sculpture. I think that is true for many creative sculpture artists.
Jimmy Carl Black
A Dom's point of view. I have not tried to change h's style or look but I am guilty of working to enhance what is there. I shamelessly compliment that which I like and raise an eyebrow at that I question. Unlike may men and some women I like shopping and often pick things out for her I will like but never at the expense of her feelings.
I would never intentionally pick something I like that I know she would hate or feel self conscious in. In the end confidence is sexy in any style and to play with that would be foolish.
Jz: There is to be no shooting on this blog. Is that quite clear??!!! Well, we've talked privately and you have your marching orders for this weekend. Haven't you?!!!!
ReplyDeletesara: I think that is true. What works for you and him is what matters.
greengirl: I believe with all my heart that a woman has to reinvent herself a few times over the course of her life, and I would encourage you to think of learning how to dress yourself such that your confidence is boosted and you feel "girly". I think a very good place to start is the Tim Gunn blog where he talks about what should be in every woman's wardrobe and what clothes suit which shape of body. It may sound like climbing Mt. Everest but a few little changes could make a big difference. Is there a boutique with a friendly store assistant in your area? We often say "just looking" when, if we put ourselves in the hands of someone, they can show us what would work for us. You don't need to feel compelled to buy anything that you don't want or can't afford. It is their job to *try* to sell to you and in that process, educate you. I'd love to see you feel that you *can* do girly. I'm guessing that your husband will notice this effort and be thrilled with his new, more confident girl. You can do this!
ally: It sounds to me that it is working well for you. There is always going to be something a man doesn't like. It pays to listen to his comments, doesn't it, to avoid making the same mistake again.
Sir J: Gosh no! We don't want the girl self-conscious at all. But, it is amazing how we don't try on something until it is suggested to us only to find ourselves saying, "Gee, I never would have picked that, but I love it!" I think that you shop for h makes you pretty special and you have won the 'dom of the month' award. Congratulations!
greengirl,
ReplyDeleteGive in. She's relentless.
But don't worry. I have a plan...
I will contact you with details.
yours in girly-challengedness,
Jz
Jz: That's the spirit!!
ReplyDelete(Vesta,
ReplyDeleteWe're usurping your blog. It's the least we can do if we are to be drug kicking and screaming into femininity.)
Jz,
I was really afraid you had gone over to the dark side. Why am I afraid the plan involves shopping or twirling?
Oh - and Vesta,
ReplyDeleteOn a bit more serious note: thank you for your advice, concern, interest... On one hand the transformations for me have been extreme over the past few months, and they have impacted how i feel about myself from the core out or foundation up if you prefer. I will likely post about this soon since it has been on my mind a lot. My "wrapping" is probably a few steps away, but you have given me more to ponder. Thank you.
greengirl: It is my pleasure to watch you flower into a very happy girl. Yes, I think transformations do start on the inside but then they work themselves to the outside. This will be a great deal of fun. Trust me.
ReplyDelete