Service

The point was recently made by Sir J that in a D/s relationship the opportunity exists for both partners to bring out the best in one another. It is an important point. In an ideal situation, not only is the dominant partner modifying and transforming the submissive to be the best person possible, both within the relationship and as an individual, but the submissive has the opportunity of modifying and transforming the dominant to be the type of dominant that will serve both their needs best.

I want to underscore that last point. Time and time again, I have read that the role of the submissive is to serve the dominant. I’ve never really felt entirely comfortable reading that statement. It seems to me that both partners are serving one another, none more than the other.

It is critical that the submissive have a dominant on which she can rely. She looks to him for her direction. He is her compass and without him to guide her, she can be quite lost. It is not that she is hopeless, useless or incompetent. Far from it. The submissive women I know are proud, bright and with a strong sense of self; competent, accomplished and more than capable. But, they are also gentle, sensitive and reliant on their dominant for their sense of wellbeing. It is one of the contradictions of D/s that these intelligent and able women require a boss; in fact, demand a boss.

They need a dominant to serve their interests; not just any dominant but a high functioning dominant who bestows all the desired qualities: wisdom, understanding, resolve, patience, strategic thinking and a steady hand. It is unacceptable that he have a fit at his submissive, regardless of whether she is ‘freaking out’ at him. His behaviour must be beyond reapproach in order for her to understand that it is her behaviour that is at question. If he can maintain control of himself he is demonstrating to her that civil and controlled behaviour is always expected and achievable.

Of course, both the dominant and the submissive are mere mortals and mistakes will be made by both of them. But, a submissive woman gains nothing from a dominant who is unable to control his emotions, as well as hers. He has the power to bring her to her knees, to silence her or correct her for her 'out of control' behaviour. She has no such power. However, she has the power to vote with her feet. She demands that her dominant be reliable, show control and exhibit exemplary behaviour. She has to believe down in her bones that the same man who may choose to cane her tush, to remind her of her place, is the same man who would protect her to the ends of the earth; who wants her to be blissfully happy; who would be the first person to cheer her victories or take her in his arms and console her when the world has done her wrong. He is her father, her brother, her lover; her best friend. He serves her well.

Becoming the best submissive; a happy and contained submissive, is not just a matter of luck. The most capable and accomplished submissive is such because she has a dominant of steady hand, noble thought and strong mind. When her dominant is the essence of strength, wisdom and humanity with her best interests at heart, it is no co-incidence that she is able to serve him with humility, honour and feminine virtue. It is her pleasure to serve with pride the man who asks more of himself than he will ever ask of her.