Playtime

Earlier in the week, I tried to address the question of 'what men want'. I pondered if men might want to come home to a tranquil environment where they might be pampered a little. This idea was not particularly warmly received, and my suggestion of creating a tranquil environment at home when possible moved into a discussion of whether a man might want his partner to work outside the home or not. I certainly never intended to be so audacious as to give the impression that I knew better than any individual couple what was right for them.

The question of 'what men want' remained unresolved. It has been a thought in the back of my mind for many years, however, that what men want is a partner as interested in having fun as they are. It is indisputable (isn't it?) that men think about sex a lot, and what could they want more than a partner who enjoys having sex as much as they do. This, I have felt, could be the magic ingredient in a marriage; the ability for the partner to enjoy sex as much as him.

It was with great pleasure that this morning, I came across a very thoughtful essay by Black As My Soul about Men and Erotica. This is a wonderful essay (which I highly recommend you read in full) which takes the reader through various genre before he gives his reader his interpretation of what men want. He writes,

"What I think you will find in erotica written for men are two implicit truths: 1) She wants me. 2) She likes what I like—she enjoys it, too."

This makes total sense, don't you think?

Remember the movie, 'Family Man'? Jack (Nicholas Cage) wakes up to discover he is living a nightmare. His high flying and successful life in New York City, including his Ferrari, has been replaced with a home in the suburbs, a wife who works pro bono, and two little kids. He sells tyres for a living. This is the life he would have had if he had not boarded the plane and left behind his current girlfriend. Life is pretty miserable for Jack until his wife (the gorgeous Tea Leoni) begins to pull at his socks in bed and ravage him.

"Leave my socks alone," he barks at her.

Not put off, for the Jack she knows can be quite the practical joker, she keeps at it, making clear that she isn't going to be leaving his socks or any part of his body alone. The penny drops.

"You want me," he says.

His new life just started looking a whole lot more rosy.

I think Black as My Soul makes a good point. Men want women to want them. As well, they want women to want to play with them. They want women to enjoy the experience as much as they do.

This is where D/s comes into its own, in my view. Both players want to be there. Both want it as much as the other. Both need it as much as they other. In D/s, men want what women want and women want what men want: to play.

I stand by my initial thought that a man enjoys harmony in his home wherever possible, but a playful partner is, I suspect, even more alluring.