Connection (2)

Recently, greengirl paid me the lovely compliment of saying that I knew myself well. I do know myself rather well now, I think, but a lot of that knowledge is very recent, and for a girl my age, long overdue. The work I have done over the past few years, as well as my courage to reach out to certain people who could assist me has allowed me to understand my needs.

When we were quite young, in our early twenties, and with little money between us, sometimes I would see a piece of clothing and I would fall in love. (Yes, I've always been a clothes whore.) I'd point it out to my husband.

"Isn't it lovely!"
"Yes, it is."
"It is such a sophisticated coat, don't you think?"
"Yes, but you don't need it.
"I do. I really do!"
"No, you want it, but you don't need it."

He was right, of course. My life wasn't going to alter much if I did or didn't have that coat. However, my desire to feel dominance in my life is entirely different to my desire for that coat. My desire for 'dominance' is not a want. It is not a 'fancy' of mine; something I decided on a whim; something that I can live without. It is a very definite need.

I recently asked an online acquaintance of mine what a submissive might do if her dominant was not able to be there for an extended period of time. It was suggested that the submissive could use that time wisely such that the dominant could be pleased with her choices. I think that is a reasonable strategy and a reasonable way of looking at it, however it doesn't take into account the distress that a submissive can feel; that sense of abandonment that can be felt.

Lately, I've been learning various specific strategies that I can use to cope with the situation of having a particularly busy dominant who is not able to be there for me for extended periods of time. As a submissive with a strong desire for touch, for having my body used, there are daily routines that can assist a great deal. It's only a small thing but writing a message on one's body, with lipstick or permanent marker even, can remind a submissive of what she is. With a fairly sophisticated wrapping in terms of my appearance, it is a comfort to know that below those garments is currently written in permanent marker on my skin: 'cock slut'. I smile whenever I remember that fact. The bracelet that my husband bought me (the one with the lock, the key and the heart) is another reminder, not just of our love, but of the fact that whilst he can't be with me, he will return to dominate me when he can.

The rather intense sadness that befalls me occasionally when I am without that dominance (care) can be best handled when I have such strategies to help me through. Naturally, being busy and well occupied always assists, but reminders that I am owned assist me greatly too. 'Bimbos' are inclined to have short memory spans, you see!

Last, but certainly not least, I have a friend that would be the envy of any submissive girl; smart, telepathic, intuitive, exceptionally kind and resourceful, he picks me up when I'm down, dusts me off, and reminds me that I'm "special". In fact, it is you who is the special one, my dear. Your kindness stuns me, warms me and lights my days.

I do wonder sometimes if people tend to overlook the tremendous drive we have as humans to connect to one another. I can only say that the desire in me to find those connections grows and grows with every day.

To that end, people who choose to live this 'lifestyle' are all very special. I think we know more than the average bear, that to live life well, is to find the connection from one human heart to another.