Friends in the sky

It is a pleasure to read Selkie's blog and her discussions always having me thinking. Lately, Selkie gave thought to the element of 'fantasy' associated with 'online' relationships. I'm in no position to make any wild, sweeping statements about the success rate of online relationships. I've never had an online romance, and I've never attempted to find a guy that way. I've heard of some remarkable success stories and I've heard of plenty of dismal failures. I guess it is fair to say that, depending on your luck, it could go either way.

What I am in a position to be able to say is that friendships formed 'online' and only online can be outstandingly successful. I may or I may not meet some or all of my friends one day. Whether I do or don't, the friendships forged are very strong, very enjoyable, very worthwhile and very real. It is almost inconceivable that I could have had such conversations with any person face to face as I have had on the Internet.

I'm not a particularly bold or brave person but I've initiated one or two of my online friendships, whilst others have been bold enough to contact me. I've had a 100 per cent strike rate, for even those friends with whom I no longer talk or write were worthwhile associates. Every one of my current friends, male and female, have turned out to be gems. I feel proud to know them all, and to have some connection with them, and hopefully, to enrich their lives as they have enriched mine.

For the past year and a half, I've been corresponding with a gentleman on the other side of the world. I've revealed a lot of my thinking to him and my needs, and he has given of his time to help me with very specific needs; needs that would have gone unmet otherwise. It was not perfect and each of us bear some responsibility for times when our relationship suffered, but given that we never met, we never spoke, or even saw one another's photos until very recently, we did amazingly well. When our relationship altered recently from that of a therapist/patient or dominant/submissive, if you will, to friend/friend (him remaining a dominant and me remaining a submissive) I had no difficulty in saying that the reason I asked for a change in the status of our relationship was because he had succeeded with me.

The role of an online mentor is treacherous. Two people get to know one another rather well. They work more closely together than any therapist/patient could. Few people can afford to see their therapist more than once a week, but our relationship was conducted on an almost everyday basis. We got to the heart of the matter, the very specific issues that needed to be addressed. And, over time, we began to see significant changes. I wrote that his lessons had "seeped into my bones". When I was not looking, I had changed and grown.

Another dear online friend told me that his wisdom had come when he wasn't looking and I believe that. Wisdom or growth in a person is an evolving thing and one day you look up and realize that it has happened. You are old enough or have grown enough for your problem to no longer be your problem.

Endings are tough. Too tough for either of us. And, so we remain friends; keen to update one another on our lives, from time to time. You don't share your life with someone; your most inner thoughts only to walk away. Or, you should not.

Of course, as a submissive woman with such strong desire and need for containment; for a sense of safety and security, love and serenity, there are still various paths to walk and I do that now with a mind for the specifics of that outcome. My new peace of mind and sense of happiness comes from putting into place those specific ideas to which I am being introduced.

Meanwhile, my husband notices the difference in me and is happy to see the growth and fulfilment of his girl. He is the recipient of my high marks. There is no better man to be found for me than he, I can assure you.

I'm not at all sure that I can tell you whether I am lucky with my online friendships or if I have some 'knack' for it that I should analyze and share. I think I can say on my own behalf that I was prepared to be bold and brave, to be honest and open, and to trust. It may have been dumb luck or it may be that I stumbled on men and women with great integrity and we sussed one another out well. Words can be remarkably powerful.

It is incumbent on me to caution that there are many snakes on the Internet. One must be very careful. But, there are also sparkling gems of people. Each of my Internet friends is, for me, a bright, shining star. I will be forever thankful for having had the great pleasure of knowing them.