Don't worry, be happy

It struck me just now how detached I may very well be from the lives of those who have a D/s relationship that may well be harmful to them. As regular readers may know, I tend to have some lofty, positive feelings towards being a submissive girl to a loving and caring dominant type husband. As well, I have the good fortune to have made some dear friends, dominants and submissives alike, who have listened to me as I've expressed myself and who have offered me sage advice. I've been counselled by those with more experience than me, much more, and I've benefited from that counselling.

Yet, as the discussion initiated by Jz bore out, we don't all think alike. We don't all want or all need the same experiences, and in fact, a certain experience in the hands of the wrong person or persons could be quite destructive. It pays for me, and for you, to always keep that in mind.

So, how does one know what is best? I have come to believe that the litmus test is quite a simple one. You must ask, 'Am I happy?' Whilst that may sound selfish, actually it is not. My husband will say to me, as he did this morning, "I want a happy girl." What he means is not only that he wants me to be happy but he wants to be happy, too. He wants the children to live in a happy household and he wants anyone that shares my life with me today to be happy, as well. He wants to come home and feel a positive energy in our home. When people are happy they are productive and have a positive effect on those around them. Life is just so much nicer.

If a reader were to read the whole shebang, the entire blog, what he or she would notice is that I've changed over time and as I've changed, my needs and thoughts have changed as well. This just happens to be my personal evolution as I have learned more, about myself and about what is possible.

I mentioned over at Jz's site that I enjoy 'objectification' - that I don't feel at all dehumanized. On the contrary, I feel liberated. I think I better clear something up. I haven't actually ever been used as a table or a chair, or whatever. If my husband were to ask me to be a table for a few seconds, well, I would have to stop giggling for a few seconds while he placed a glass of water on my back. It wouldn't be a big deal. But, that's not what I meant by 'objectification'. I don't want to go into some deep and meaningful explanation here. I'll save that for another time. But, what I do want to explain is that the benefit to me is that when 'objectified' I can switch off that thinking brain of mine for long enough to allow me to be my primal self, with my primal desires. I can't say I've had a moment's concern in those experiences. On the contrary, I feel energised by them.

The point is, that works for me, whilst it may not work for you. Or, it might well work for you if you had the right kind of person to objectify or to be objectified by. It is, as I have experienced it, a most loving and giving experience and done with the very best and most noble of intentions.

Different things are going to make different people happy and what that happiness looks like and how it is achieved may well change over time. In fact, doesn't it stand to reason that those needs will most certainly adjust over time? Nothing is static and certainly not our sexuality. If you had told me a year ago that I would be writing this post today, I would not have believed you. It took a lot of thinking, a lot of talking, and a lot of assistance to get me to a point where I understood myself and my needs. Self-discovery can take a lifetime.

As a closet spanko all my life, spanking blogs were a natural starting point for me. I considered and tried on for size, variations on that theme. For some time, I thought I needed a reason to get a spanking and that led to a disciplinary sort of relationship; rather formalized. As that evolved and as I evolved, I came to see that what I was really after was a sense of love; of containment, of feeling safe; nurtured; enjoyed, in harmony. I needed lots of physical use and I needed parameters around which I could live my life in a joyful way. I want, and need, to be as enticed by the ideas of the man as he is enticed by them. I don't want to struggle. I want to want what the dom wants, even if I don't like it at the time. I want to feel owned in the nicest possible way. I want for there to be a partnership where we are both beri beri happi; he as the top and me as the bottom.

And, I want that for you, too. So, think about it. What makes you happy? Then, do that.