Sunday, October 16, 2011

Lovely long nails

When I get my weekly writing assignment in there is a little window of opportunity, before I think about the next one and the major assignment to be done, to have a little fun. Call me strange, but coming to this web journal is what I call fun. So, here I am.

Today has been a good day. I went down to the nail salon and asked for a new set and when it was time to determine the length, I made sure they kept them long; longer, in fact, than I have ever had them before. Times have moved on and I don't have the pleasure of sharing that information with anyone any more. Remember when getting a long set of nails was incredibly hard for me, in spite of expectations? Well, now I don't really have any expectations to deal with, except my own. A set of long nails was what *I * wanted today. I recall that thought actually earlier today as I sat there. It was a little lonely to know that my sharing days were over; that I wouldn't get the pleasure of making someone else happy. But, even so, I knew that I needed very long nails right now and I was entirely correct about that.

For one thing, they are incredibly beautiful. My fingers look amazing and I feel very graceful; contained; at peace. My husband wanted to see them, of course and he wondered if I would be able to manage. "Are you sure you can type all right with them?" he asked. But, I can type perfectly well with them. In fact, I feel more balanced and able with them this length than the way they were before.

It is a strange and wondrous thing how much I took to heart all that I learned over the past couple of years. So much of the 'education' has become ingrained; so much of what I learned feels as if it was always this way; as if *I* was always this way. Of course, I was not always this way. I never pined for long nails before I learned how to have the mindset of a doll. I had no real idea that by being contained in various ways I would find my peace and my contentment. It didn't really occur to me that I was desperately in need of being saved. But, I was. I was desperately in need of being saved.

It is true. I had lots and lots of training. I have changed for good; for the good. But, ohhhh, how utterly marvellous it would be to share such a day as I once did. My goodness, you would think I would stop missing those conversations. But, I strongly suspect, I never shall.

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