Bart's currently writing a critique of a story of mine. He hasn't finished because he really is flat chat with his life. I don't know how he manages to do what he does and I know he'll pull through. I'm not worried, even though I have to write a report on the effect of his critique on me and how I felt about being 'critical friends' in a pretty short space of time. Quietly and privately we are probably both freaking out, but in our messages to one another we say things like, "No worries" That's cool" "The story is in desperate need of a woman's point of view or "I know the story should probably be 50,000 and not 3,000. I'm completely open to critical analysis."
We are, in fact, both noobie writers, trying our hearts out; wanting to hold onto what is core in ourselves but knowing that we have so much to learn. We both love the course. We both love our lives. And we are both happily married. It is a great partnership.
Bart and I have incredibly different styles of writing; write in completely different genres. Whilst he couldn't send through a finished product he sent what he had done so far this morning and how fascinating it is to read the thoughts of a young man (I'm sorry but for me 30 is only just starting out in life) and how he relates to the thoughts of a woman who dreams of control and of submitting to a man.
I must say he has not wilted from the task and I am very proud of him for that. But, his age (and my age) did show through when he wrote that I used "antiquated" language for the woman which forced him to think of her as having a "staid world view" as opposed to her "violent" fantasy world. He was referring to words like "bottom" and "hospital corners" (when making a bed). I had to stop and digest that; that my choice of words was giving me away. I suppose young men always say "ass" these days, do they? Hmmmm My female yoga teacher always refers to the "bottom" and she is 29. He certainly has a point. As a contemporary young male, he noticed these things and so he should.
What really had me sit up was when he said that the young woman in question associated the man she met who did eventually control her, seduce her and bed her with the Headmaster in her dreams. He made that leap in his mind. Well, I had not intended that. I didn't mean for a reader to think that she wanted the Headmaster. I intended that the fantasies of tight control meant to tell the reader that she was open to tight control; but not with the Headmaster. The Headmaster is gruff; inflexible; shows no mercy and no affection of any kind. He just dishes out discipline because that is what gets results. If girls know they will get the cane then they will obey. It suits him. It works. But, that is all it is. Nothing else. She doesn't want that at all! She wants to be loved; to be kissed and cuddled. Sure, some days may have her thinking he is a bit of nasty old Headmaster. But, she doesn't want the Headmaster!
Something got lost in the translation; probably the best reason so far to expand this story into a much longer story where I can really explain and explore this woman's state of mind. You have to feel a little sorry for Bart. I mean, what are the chances that he would get the kinky woman writer? How often must one come along - perhaps one every five years? Perhaps the next story could be a simple murder mystery. I saw a production of Sweeney Todd recently. A little murder might be nice... Honestly, I really can't imagine it. Poor Bart will just have to do his best with that sweet little lady who talks about hospital corners and bondage and discipline all on the same page. Ohhhhh dear.
We are, in fact, both noobie writers, trying our hearts out; wanting to hold onto what is core in ourselves but knowing that we have so much to learn. We both love the course. We both love our lives. And we are both happily married. It is a great partnership.
Bart and I have incredibly different styles of writing; write in completely different genres. Whilst he couldn't send through a finished product he sent what he had done so far this morning and how fascinating it is to read the thoughts of a young man (I'm sorry but for me 30 is only just starting out in life) and how he relates to the thoughts of a woman who dreams of control and of submitting to a man.
I must say he has not wilted from the task and I am very proud of him for that. But, his age (and my age) did show through when he wrote that I used "antiquated" language for the woman which forced him to think of her as having a "staid world view" as opposed to her "violent" fantasy world. He was referring to words like "bottom" and "hospital corners" (when making a bed). I had to stop and digest that; that my choice of words was giving me away. I suppose young men always say "ass" these days, do they? Hmmmm My female yoga teacher always refers to the "bottom" and she is 29. He certainly has a point. As a contemporary young male, he noticed these things and so he should.
What really had me sit up was when he said that the young woman in question associated the man she met who did eventually control her, seduce her and bed her with the Headmaster in her dreams. He made that leap in his mind. Well, I had not intended that. I didn't mean for a reader to think that she wanted the Headmaster. I intended that the fantasies of tight control meant to tell the reader that she was open to tight control; but not with the Headmaster. The Headmaster is gruff; inflexible; shows no mercy and no affection of any kind. He just dishes out discipline because that is what gets results. If girls know they will get the cane then they will obey. It suits him. It works. But, that is all it is. Nothing else. She doesn't want that at all! She wants to be loved; to be kissed and cuddled. Sure, some days may have her thinking he is a bit of nasty old Headmaster. But, she doesn't want the Headmaster!
Something got lost in the translation; probably the best reason so far to expand this story into a much longer story where I can really explain and explore this woman's state of mind. You have to feel a little sorry for Bart. I mean, what are the chances that he would get the kinky woman writer? How often must one come along - perhaps one every five years? Perhaps the next story could be a simple murder mystery. I saw a production of Sweeney Todd recently. A little murder might be nice... Honestly, I really can't imagine it. Poor Bart will just have to do his best with that sweet little lady who talks about hospital corners and bondage and discipline all on the same page. Ohhhhh dear.
I'm trying to remember what I was like at 30--pretty different. I think I would have been pretty shocked.
ReplyDeleteAnd I don't think "bottom" and "Hospital corners" are archaic. "Thee and Thou" are kinda old. Latin is archaic, but it's still cool to know, unless you're too young to know that.
Happy writing.
Mick: It was a marvellous lesson for me - to be really conscious of words that a character would use, appropriate to her age and when she lived.
ReplyDeleteAt 30 I was married, nursing a baby, doing a post-grad course part time. But, as well, I was starving to be dominated, wanting to be of service; knew nothing about all of this but the drive and desire was there in abundance; completely organic. I was trying to get that down on paper - that her dreams said more than she could say in words. I definitely didn't hit the mark but I learned more about how I might go about it next time. That's progress, I think. Thank you; I am loving the writing.