One of my greatest pleasures over the past several years since I have explored the power exchange arrangement is that I get to experience fear. Not in my childhood I don't think, at least I don't remember a situation right now, but since I have been an adult I have so enjoyed being a little frightened.
I don't enjoy the sort of fear where I truly fear for my life or safety, of course, but I adore feeling the sort of fear where I get a tickle in my throat and my heart skips a beat; where the world stands still for a moment or two and I realize that I am in one of those moments where the Dominant has pulled me up with a round turn.
I have a love/hate relationship with those moments. On the one hand, I never feel more alive than in such a moment but on the other hand, I know I will pay. Big time.
I try to distract. I beg for forgiveness. I express my sorrow to the extent I can. Fear pulls me over to the side of the ledger where I try to expunge myself from consequences.
If I am not let off the hook, not only do I get to experience fear but I get to experience force. That is, I am forced to push through the fear and experience it completely.
There is no education quite like the lesson of fear pursued in its entirety. The Dom will have his way and I will accept my place of subservience.
What a thrill.
I don't enjoy the sort of fear where I truly fear for my life or safety, of course, but I adore feeling the sort of fear where I get a tickle in my throat and my heart skips a beat; where the world stands still for a moment or two and I realize that I am in one of those moments where the Dominant has pulled me up with a round turn.
I have a love/hate relationship with those moments. On the one hand, I never feel more alive than in such a moment but on the other hand, I know I will pay. Big time.
I try to distract. I beg for forgiveness. I express my sorrow to the extent I can. Fear pulls me over to the side of the ledger where I try to expunge myself from consequences.
If I am not let off the hook, not only do I get to experience fear but I get to experience force. That is, I am forced to push through the fear and experience it completely.
There is no education quite like the lesson of fear pursued in its entirety. The Dom will have his way and I will accept my place of subservience.
What a thrill.
How true...just last night I got one of those "fear" moments. I was sassing Wil and he threatened to take me into the bedroom right then and there. My stomach dropped and my heart skipped a beat yet it is in these moments that my love for him grows that much stronger.
ReplyDeleteJanet: You brought a smile to my face to start the day. Lovely anecdote. Thank you for sharing it.
ReplyDeleteVesta, you almost make it sound like super duper roller coaster ride :).
ReplyDeleteMick: Well, that's funny because I hate roller coaster rides with the most intense passion. There is very little I won't do to avoid one of those rides. I even hate the little rides at places like The Maritime Museum or whatever. I just loathe those sort of physical sensations.
ReplyDeleteYears ago this really weird couple insisted that we join them at some place in New Jersey and had us go on a ride that they said we would love. It was a nightmare. My husband asked me several times if I was all right but I was too horrified and terrified to speak. Instead we just held onto one another's hands whilst trying to keep the bar in front of us down in an effort to save our lives.
Did I mention how much I *hate* roller coaster rides?