In some ways, taking control of someone is a bit like the crux of a story. In a story there must be conflict and presumably if someone wants to be controlled, there is conflict within her (or him).
A top needs material with which to work. He must decide what he wants to do with this person and what he hopes to achieve. If he is to set limits, and they all do, then he must decide what are the appropriate reasons to set those limits. There must be something about this person he aims to alter.
Some people may disagree with this notion of mine. They may say that the dominant person can do as he pleases. All she need to do is please him but I find that far too simplistic and not at all sustaining. If he cares for her as a human being, possibly even loving her (hopefully so, in my opinion) then he wants to make her better. Even if she is already good, she could be better. This is his over riding thought.
To this end, I find all sorts of limits perfectly appropriate. If he wants to stop her eating french fries, or smoking cigarettes or limit her to 3 glasses of wine a week, all of that is perfectly okay, as far as I am concerned. Perhaps he wants to tone her body, or help her to live longer or get her tryglicerides down. Why not? If she is under his control, she should be delighted he cares. (I love being controversial sometimes. Have you noticed?)
I'm not entirely sure why a Top would want to put a girl on orgasm control really. Maybe that just suits my purposes. I consider that something bordering on 'non negotiable' but if I am to be entirely honest, I think it would do me the world of good to have a Top demand this. It goes to my wanting to be controlled and wanting to hold onto that part of my life at the very same time, which probably isn't a good thing.
There remains conflict within me. There is still a wealth of material about me with which to work. I was probably a pretty decent person to begin with. I am vastly better now but there is still improvement to be made. Folks, the story ain't over yet.
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I don't really understand orgasm control either; it's pretty difficult for me to get to one in the first place, although once there I can have more than one. My husband is delighted to wrest them from me, no permission required. I more or less can't get there on my own regardless.
ReplyDeleteI read about women who explode from a single touch and I think it must be pretty hard to walk around like that.
I very much enjoyed reading your post, Vesta! And the controversy is appreciated!
ReplyDeleteAs a submissive on orgasm control, I can understand your concern... There was a time that I would have felt the same way as you do..."You want to control WHAT??? Hmmm..."
It's been about a year and a half since Daddy started controlling my orgasms (i.e. no more orgasms without his permission), and the orgasms I've had since then have been the most intense of my entire life! In a way, and in accordance with what you've written above, it's one way in which Daddy can "make me better." He knows that I'm capable of experiencing the extreme orgasms that submission to Him can provide...they're a gift and a privilege.
At first, I was somewhat panicked by what Daddy was proposing, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. I understand that it's not for everybody, but it works for us... :)
It's a question of how much you are willing to give to your dom.
ReplyDeleteI positively enjoy watching my girls cum, so putting them on restriction makes sense to me. Why would I want them wasting those orgasms when I can't see them?
Yes, a Top must truly care. But it would not be topping if it would always be directly positively appreciated and easily adopted by the submissive.
ReplyDeleteA real exercise in obedience may be a benefit, and a gift to the submissive, in and of itself. And after a while, she may realie there are other benefits as baby girl has experienced (very recognizably: my submissive now has much deeper orgasms than ever) in casu
Conina: I definitely think orgasm control has its place in that when one is denied something, it keeps one's mind firmly planted on the thing that is denied and in this way it can aid having an orgasm. There are various avenues to achieving orgasm of course. I find that total surrender is what gets me there - a major incentive for me to let go and have done to me "whatever he wants".
ReplyDeleteBaby Girl: I loved reading of your positive experiences re orgasm control. This is such a desirable outcome and I think it fabulous that it has worked out so well. I don't reject a similar outcome but I have been called "greedy" more than once so it is not the easiest of processes for me...
Rich: That's a whole other ball game, watching the girl orgasm. It is not my number 1 thing to do, but I am asked to do that. I suppose it is a question of how often the Dom sees the girl, no?
Mr. J: Unfortunately, I don't think your whole comment published but I do accept the points you made. It has taken me a while to fully embrace that a Top doesn't always have to provide positive experiences. I liked the idea in theory more than I sometimes did in practice (and that's the idea, I guess), but I think I've grown a lot lately and I definitely accept this point.