Have *I* been eliminated? Hardly. The person who knows me best - my husband - would scoff at the suggestion. The *I* is here, in all her glory, her emotion and her zest. As Sir J put it to me, anyone who underestimates the strength of Vesta does not know her well enough. Vesta is one hell of a force of nature and it would be pointless to try to erase her. Her mind, her heart, her soul is intact.
But, and it's a very big but, Vesta does seek to be contained. She wants to experience objectification because she finds it comforting, arousing, erotic and whole heap of fun. She knows her behaviour isn't always that impressive and as the doll she has to be on her best behaviour. Why, the doll wore her butt plug all day this week to a day long school event and she loved every last kinky minute of it. She is her husband's play thing because she revels in it and has the bestest orgasms that a girl could ever have. She doesn't worry and she doesn't fuss. She is such a happy l'il thing. She renounces her will with bells on!
Vesta may be ensnared but does anybody hear her crying for help? The doll was created and supported to be sure but only because *I* get off on it. Vesta has to behave herself, but it's not doing her any harm. She may have the odd hissy fit about it. But, that's all it is. And, Vesta will just have to find more appropriate ways to express herself.
Trust me. The doll can't wipe the smile from her face. What's more, Vesta is doing just fine, too.
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Vesta, I just find it a big confusing why there are two of you and you seem to need to separate what is in fact, simply facets of yourself. Granted, I have a huge issue with prolonged objectificatio; and if it works for you and yours, more power to you!
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ReplyDeleteselkie: I don't think there is ever a separation. Somewhere in the psyche, no matter how much one is engrossed in the situation, the girl is aware of what is happening.
ReplyDeleteI suspect that to be objectified one actually has to have a very strong sense of self. Others may disagree with that.
When the doll is "present" (and that's how we refer to it) it really is a wonderful experience. She is such a happy, happy doll!
This is my own (very personal) experience. I don't advocate it for anyone else and I am not trying to convince anyone of its merits.
I appreciate the question. I've had months to reach this point and the reader must surely have questions. The only way to learn anything is to ask questions.
(Sorry. I'd left a huge empty space in the first attempt.)
grins, I'm just writing my own blog on it ... and my very last sentence says EXACTLY that! (that you need a strong sense of self)
ReplyDeleteFrom the other side, I think I should be insane with lust with a woman like that around. I don't mean the doll, I mean a woman who flipped between the two. I can definitely see why you might want to let go --- not just let go, push it all away.
ReplyDeleteYou have transformed my appreciation of day long school events. I can hardly wait for the carol service.
Finally, while reading this I couldn't help thinking of Shakespeare's naughty sonnet 135.
b7ossom
Vesta, I think referring to it as a separate identity is an act of convenience. They are parts of you and I have no doubt you know that and admire the multiple roles you play and your ability to separate and control them.
ReplyDeleteThat you agree with the creation of the doll and revel in it is perfect. I am so happy for you.
J.
"I suspect that to be objectified one actually has to have a very strong sense of self."
ReplyDeleteI think, and I realize I am stepping out and making a judgement here, for it to be *healthy and even safe* for a person to be objectified, s/he has to have a very strong sense of self. There are too many contexts in which stripping people of their sense of self is used as a weapon or means of control. I think this is what gives some people pause about it.
I currently struggle to integrate too many roles, so adding disintegration to my mentality at this point would be detrimental. I think I can see where you are trying to go with this, and it is interesting to see this approach, but it does feel counterintuitive to me.
Nobody who reads your blog would make the mistake of thinking anyone could force you into anything. Nor would they think you're not happy with your life.
ReplyDeleteNone of us can do more than to live life in a way we believe will foster our happiness. The doll clearly works for you. And it's a fairly benign objectification as opposed to, say, punching bag or litterbox. (Two VERY upsetting posts I've read and been horrified by.) Different approaches suit different people. Objectification just doesn't do it for me. There are too many opportunities for it to go horribly wrong, even if some do manage to make it go right.
b7ossom: I very much appreciate the link and your lovely comment.
ReplyDeleteI am delighted I may have enlivened your school events. The day was particularly enjoyable for me. I felt so very naughty amongst all those conservative women: gracious and interested on the outside but totally decadent on the inside. Look out for that little wry smile, a sense of peace and calm on her face, sometimes a faraway look, and the occasional wide smile for no apparent reason.
Sir J: Yes. Thank you so very much.
greengirl: I strongly encourage you to go at your own pace and do what seems right for you. When the doll is present, she is a real force to reckon with. She is so very full of life, and she thinks she can do anything. She is a bubbly bundle of fun. "Disintegration" and "stripping people of their sense of self" just aren't words she would understand at all.
I was once completely ignorant. I used to read Roper and he would talk of 'objectification' and I was so interested but didn't understand. That's a couple of years ago. I got extraordinarily lucky in that I had formed a friendship with someone who was able to lead me there in the very best of ways: with respect, kindness and care. I will be forever grateful. I encourage you to do what is right for you but also to read and process things with an open mind. In time, if something is meant to rise up and insist on being examined further, you will be ready.
D/s is so full of contradictions and counterintuitive approaches, I agree.
Jz: Weird things must go on every day out there. Some people are, no doubt, not in healthy relationships and that is in all walks of life, in kinky relationships or not. Unfortunately, I have no control over that. If a person is not enriched by objectification or any other facet of a D/s relationship, it is critical they assess if the relationship is in their best interests. They have a choice.
ReplyDeleteIt is, perhaps, impossible, to judge people from afar. I do intend to write about this further, for my own benefit (since I began the blog to process my thoughts). And, perhaps, it will be of benefit to one or two people, too. I don't think it is hurting anybody.