Limits

As a girl who realized very early in life that her thoughts were unacceptable for the world at large to hear, but her behaviour beyond reproach, my circumstances were not ideal for practising submission. My Dad was loving and proud and not in the least bossy. The simple and very true situation is that I was a ‘good girl’ in all ways, except my thoughts. There was just no reason to be cross with me, to second guess my behaviour, to lead me down a more correct path. I was already pretty perfect as far as a Dad was concerned. I did not have an older brother or an uncle who might boss me around and my teachers considered me the perfect student. Basically, I ran my own show.

It was not until I was in my very late teens that my husband (then boyfriend) showed up and very quickly began to tell me what to do. His temper flared about day 2. (Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration.) We were at the family farm at the time and he was irate that his girl didn’t even know how to drive a tractor correctly. Whilst I sobbed in the bedroom, his Dad reminded him that I was a city slicker. How in the hell was she supposed to just ‘know’ how to drive a tractor?

I was always a bit cheeky around boys but had never been called on it before. It was quite a shock to discover on that first visit ‘home’ that his older brother didn’t appreciate my sense of humour, at his expense. I got a good ‘dressing down’ for my quip. Boy! I was learning fast that certain boys had different expectations of ‘good behaviour’ than fathers or teachers.

If you said that I know how to get around my husband on most matters, you’d be pretty right. I certainly don’t always get my way; not at all. But, if he is really cross, tears can have him consoling me. And, if I look forlorn, as girls tend to do when they have been ‘told off’ I can usually extract a hug from him. Yesterday, the dear man brought me home flowers after a bit of a lecture he felt compelled to send my way. I truly do think of myself as a ‘good girl’ and so, when I am in trouble, I am truly shocked. Me? In trouble? But, I am a ‘good girl’!!

When a rule or a limit is set in place within the D/s dynamic, most of me wants to comply absolutely. But, a small part of me wants to see if I can negotiate, too. Perhaps, it is the intellectual challenge of the exercise. Perhaps, it is just what submissive women do. They see a gate and they just have to bang up against it to see if it might open, just a little. I do not confess to this being a conscious thought. It is not a conscious thought. I am merely trying to come up with some explanation as to why submissive women like me do what they do. Perhaps, no matter how much one yearns to be dominated, one has to be made to do certain things.

I was set a limit; one that I freely and excitedly agreed to accept. And, I’ve enjoyed that limit to the hilt. However, there came a day recently, when I wasn’t so sure about that limit. Perhaps, it could be given a bit of a push to extend the walls out a bit and give me a bit more room to move.

I am not so silly as to think that my plea would be met with jubilation and fanfare. I made it, more or less closing my eyes in anticipation of the less than enthusiastic response I expected it would engender. As anticipated, my challenge was met with a stony resistance and a good deal of disappointment and anger that I should even try this stunt. In for a penny in for a pound, I held my ground and argued my case. He dug in his heels and repeated his argument.

Well, blow me down, Vesta wasn’t winning this one! The limit remained. If she wanted to register a complaint, she could do it in a formal way. She could send an email through appropriate channels airing her grievances there. Of course, she was never going to do that. The girl had no jurisdiction in his court. Her case would be thrown out; judged as frivolous. They both knew that.

What’s that you ask? Oh come on! If you are expecting me to say that the girl is secretly pleased to not get her way, you are expecting too much. Girls don’t admit stuff like that. You’ll just have to take your best guess!