When my daughter was at school, there was lots of talk about “balance”. They talked of balancing out one’s day; doing masses of work but leaving a little time for play, getting some exercise, being creative and so on. Girls were encouraged to seek balance for themselves going forward in terms of career, a possible family, friends and travel. Over and over again, the message was delivered loud and clear, that a girl from this school could be anything she wanted to be; do anything she wanted to do.
In a D/s relationship, two people tend to balance each other out. One has a strong desire to lead and the other to follow. One may wish to mould and the other may be willing to be moulded. One may believe he is right and the other may be prepared to yield to that version of the world. One may have rigid views and the other person more fluid in her thinking.
In discussions re D/s relationships about a dominant man and a submissive woman, it may sometimes appear that the dominant man is strong and the submissive woman, weak. I don’t believe that is the case at all. Submissive women show enormous tenacity; a willingness to bend(!!), to try again, to improve, to make themselves more their partner’s perfect mate, to forgive, to manipulate their minds. Time and time again, a submissive woman demonstrates resiliency and resolve to overcome setbacks; to endure; to make it right.
We must recognize ourselves for who we are: smart, capable, resilient and embracing of our own ability to grow and change. Whatever our man’s needs, we make room for them. We make it right. Without our strength of character submission would be not possible. The next time a submissive woman doubts herself, she might think about that. She is her own internal balancing act.
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It is so much more fulfilling as a dominant man to have a woman submit her will to me when that submission is from a position of strength, knowledge, power, and self determination, rather than from some blind willingness to adhere.
ReplyDeleteI agree that we can definitely balance each other in this type of relationship. My relationship with Asha has definitely been a lot more balanced since resubmitting. And I don't think a weak woman can even be classified as a submissive... it takes a strong woman to do what we do, as you said.
ReplyDeleteThank you Vesta.
ReplyDeleteI needed to hear and be reminded of this today. It all sounds so healthy and perfectly balanced when you explain it that way. Not the message I have been hearing of late by people who don't matter but do have some affect on me. I like your message much better. Thanks for the boost.
Beki
One of the very interesting and humbling and useful aspects of this exploration so far has been coming to a better understanding of my own personality: where my strengths do and don't lie. We are both learning that we don't have to be all things, all the time, for everyone. We each have the other, who has strengths we ourselves may not possess, and on whom we can rely. It's a little hard to accept that you aren't brilliant at everything; but, that is balanced by the realization that the other person will rely on you in the areas in which you are.
ReplyDeleteVery good explanation of the balance in a D/s relationship and I think strong women make the best submissives because they are confident and have a lot of self-esteem but still get a lot out of submitting.
ReplyDeleteFD
David: Yes, I think the two mindsets are streets apart and I imagine a dominant man such as yourself would very much want to know that her decision is self-determined.
ReplyDeletespirited one: Agreed. But, it can *appear* weak to those on the outside. The vast majority of people in our society would consider us just plain silly if they knew, I think.
greengirl: Nicely said. It's a partnership and in any collaboration one uses the other's strengths to get the task done well. When my husband and I collaborate in this way, the task is more enjoyable and the outcome, good. Honesty demands that I add that my husband is such a force of nature, that 'balance' isn't exactly the right word to use in relation to our collaborations. Our collaborations are not what I'd call a 50:50 split. That has little to do with skill set sometimes. What can I say?
FD: What is it about us? To know in our bones that we are capable of so much, and yet to yield to another on so much?
Very true... I suppose that's a good part of the reason I don't want to share it with anyone in my family. They will most certainly believe that I'm being coerced somehow and abused. I don't know why, but for some reason I've got this image in my family of being a helpless and lost person. None of my friends have ever saw me that way... I think my family has never opened their eyes wide enough to see the whole me.
ReplyDelete"I think my family has never opened their eyes wide enough to see the whole me."
ReplyDeletespirited one - a very nicely turned phrase.
balance eh? interesting concept I will have to give this some thought.
ReplyDeleteSir J: Yes, do. I think it might work for you.
ReplyDelete