Choice

There was a darling article in the weekend paper recently concerning feminists in the noughties. The author proposed "for noughtie girls, feminist demands are based less on political ideologies than on the experience of our day-to-day lives." She goes on to say, "For me, feminism is about having choices - from influencing who runs the country to choosing whether I wear high heels or flats."

I immediately liked this gal. She was making a lot of sense, as far as I was concerned. I sent my daughter to a school who demanded you aim high in your areas of choice. My daughter was fortunate, now that I look back on it, to be embraced for who she is: talented in both the performing and creative arts. That she would not go on to perform brain surgery was okay, so long as she worked hard to do her best in the subjects she chose.

Perhaps, having had three brothers has influenced her mindset but she isn't a strident feminist at all. I'm extraordinarily proud of her latest personal achievements and she is a girl on a mission to prove herself in a competitive industry. But she's sees, even at her young age, that a girl needs to be sensible about how life works. She has already discovered that even young men have rather strong opinions about how a girl behaves, and dresses, and no shouting from the rooftops about 'I am women, hear me roar' is going to change that.

Men enjoy women who show pride in their appearance; who are kind, warm-hearted and who appreciate what a man does for them. Good men want to see their women happy. They revel in their accomplishments and are the first ones to celebrate their successes. They do their best to ease the burden on them when things get tough, and, most importantly, they listen to them when they need to process their upsets and concerns. Men are not the enemy. Men are our salvation. My daughter already knows this and I am so glad she does. When the right man comes along for her she won't miss him.

The author of the article had this to say about 'beauty politics': "Noughtie feminism is perfectly compatible with aspiring to external beauty. If we want to wear make-up or attractive clothes, we can...But feminists know that beauty is never the best way of judging whether someone is a nice person..."

I think a man hopes for the whole package, frankly: a woman who cares enough to make herself look good for him and a person who is good on the inside, too. Together, men and women will support one another in their choices of what they want to be; how they want to live their lives.

In the past few years, I've taken a 'time out' to explore who I am, deep inside. My husband has supported my efforts and embraced the changes. At times, I have been unsettled, for change is not always easy. But, he has always been there for me, encouraging me in my choices and wanting me to be all that I want to be for myself. In the same way, I've supported his endeavors to the best of my ability. I continue to learn, each and every day, what a wondrous thing it is when two people enable one another to flourish.

All of us in my family strongly support each other's choices in life. We respect one another's differences and we are tolerant of our various mindsets. Feminists fought hard to enable choice and we are indebted to them. It has been an unsettled couple of days but the dolly is back where she belongs, letting her spirits soar. As a girl of the noughties, this is my choice.