I have been thinking about 'dominance' and in fact, it is just another word for 'leadership'. I've been reading about leadership and it is broken down to five key components.
- self management
- leading others
- task management
- innovation
- social responsibility.
There is far too much material within those five categories to deal with all categories so I want to focus on self-management. Within self-management, there are issues of self control, stress tolerance, personal resiliency, work life balance and adaptability.
Leaders need to have knowledge of human behavior, to be comfortable interacting and working with others, to seek out ways to assist people in their duties and they must be able to nurture relationships, building positive and co-operative working relationships with others and maintaining relationships over time.
I have never thought of myself as a leader mainly because I am not motivated to want to be a leader. I don't have a strong desire to lead others but if I were placed in that situation I think I could do it, with proper training. I'd like to attend one of those 'leadership conferences' and get all the material I'd need to lead well, and then I'd simply apply it. I would not be entirely comfortable. The mere thought of having to reprimand someone makes me feel very uncomfortable but if I had to acquire these skills I think I could.
In terms of self-management, well that's what I have been learning and focusing on since the day I began this web journal. I've been working on self control and stress tolerance and personal resiliency as well as adaptability, and I've continued to try to get the work life balance correct in my life. Without blowing my own trumpet too loudly I'd say I'd made pretty huge gains on that front, and how interesting it is that both a leader and a subordinate (submissive) require those skills in spades.
There are issues associated with acquiring those skills, however. I have learned not to argue back, not to cause any rumpus, and to absorb upset. I have developed my own ways of settling myself and dealing with any distress. I'm so good at this that someone who is leading me may get entirely the wrong impression - that I am satisfied and settled within myself.
This reverts back to the fact that it is vital in a power exchange for there to be free-flowing communication back and forth. A submissive or subordinate needs to feel free to respectfully explain an issue. When the leader makes an error or fails to exhibit self-control I see it as important that this is acknowledged. It encourages a good rapport between the two of them and makes the subordinate feel respected and safe under that leadership. No-one is comfortable under tyranny and those leaders who don't acknowledge their errors and who don't invite rational, free-flowing discussion using modulated voices are at risk of closing subordinates (submissives) down. That's not a good thing for anyone because without the support of subordinates, the leadership is in peril.
Leadership takes a lot of work and amongst all the skills that need to be learned and attended to over time, none is more important I think than having self-awareness and self-insight. If your emotions are often out of your control, then you need to go back to basics and develop self-control skills. I am here to tell you that it can be done with hard work. There is just no way that you can expect self control of your subordinate or submissive if you can't demonstrate to him or her that you have worked on these skills yourself.
- self management
- leading others
- task management
- innovation
- social responsibility.
There is far too much material within those five categories to deal with all categories so I want to focus on self-management. Within self-management, there are issues of self control, stress tolerance, personal resiliency, work life balance and adaptability.
Leaders need to have knowledge of human behavior, to be comfortable interacting and working with others, to seek out ways to assist people in their duties and they must be able to nurture relationships, building positive and co-operative working relationships with others and maintaining relationships over time.
I have never thought of myself as a leader mainly because I am not motivated to want to be a leader. I don't have a strong desire to lead others but if I were placed in that situation I think I could do it, with proper training. I'd like to attend one of those 'leadership conferences' and get all the material I'd need to lead well, and then I'd simply apply it. I would not be entirely comfortable. The mere thought of having to reprimand someone makes me feel very uncomfortable but if I had to acquire these skills I think I could.
In terms of self-management, well that's what I have been learning and focusing on since the day I began this web journal. I've been working on self control and stress tolerance and personal resiliency as well as adaptability, and I've continued to try to get the work life balance correct in my life. Without blowing my own trumpet too loudly I'd say I'd made pretty huge gains on that front, and how interesting it is that both a leader and a subordinate (submissive) require those skills in spades.
There are issues associated with acquiring those skills, however. I have learned not to argue back, not to cause any rumpus, and to absorb upset. I have developed my own ways of settling myself and dealing with any distress. I'm so good at this that someone who is leading me may get entirely the wrong impression - that I am satisfied and settled within myself.
This reverts back to the fact that it is vital in a power exchange for there to be free-flowing communication back and forth. A submissive or subordinate needs to feel free to respectfully explain an issue. When the leader makes an error or fails to exhibit self-control I see it as important that this is acknowledged. It encourages a good rapport between the two of them and makes the subordinate feel respected and safe under that leadership. No-one is comfortable under tyranny and those leaders who don't acknowledge their errors and who don't invite rational, free-flowing discussion using modulated voices are at risk of closing subordinates (submissives) down. That's not a good thing for anyone because without the support of subordinates, the leadership is in peril.
Leadership takes a lot of work and amongst all the skills that need to be learned and attended to over time, none is more important I think than having self-awareness and self-insight. If your emotions are often out of your control, then you need to go back to basics and develop self-control skills. I am here to tell you that it can be done with hard work. There is just no way that you can expect self control of your subordinate or submissive if you can't demonstrate to him or her that you have worked on these skills yourself.
Another vital aspect of self-management is ensuring that your actions are clearly understood and are congruent with your stated intent. In other words do as you say and follow through. This is the basis of trustworthiness and trust is the bedrock of leadership. I look upon trust as a piece of fine china - precious, easy broken and irreparable. Leaders must be sufficiently self aware to understand how their behaviour influences the trust others place in them and wise enough to realise that trust is not given but loaned.
ReplyDeleteVery nicely written and I agree 100%
ReplyDeleteSuch a great topic and rollymo123's comments are spot on as well. I am in a leadership position at work, although I am not naturally a leader nor do I seek to be one. I do quite well in part because of my naturally submissive nature, I know what I need in a good leader so when I do have to lead, I strive to be what I would want in a leader. Good followers make great potential leaders, in my opinion. I am respected because I manage myself first, and never ask anyone to do something I would not do myself. I make sure I work harder than anyone else.
ReplyDeleteThe back and forth is very important. If the people I lead can't talk to me about their concerns, I am not going to be able to lead effectively.
But in my personal life, as Anais Nin puts it, I don't want to be the leader. I refuse to be the leader. = )
Great post. Thank you.
Susan
The penultimate paragraph is particularly good. The most basic thing is that you cannot hope to control others until you can control yourself, it is absolutely vital. Firm, fair, clear, concise, consistent, correct.
ReplyDeleterollymo: Well said. I think being aware of how your behavior influences others is a very important point. I imagine it works best if there is open communication and the leader can receive feedback as to what worked and/or what problems were encountered.
ReplyDeleteTomas: Thank you and welcome to you.
Susan: Yes, in a sense you walk in their shoes and so can understand what issues they may have; the importance of respect and communications both ways and so on.
Anon: I'm thinking of teachers and students and that really is vital, isn't it? Teachers/leaders need to be all that and when they aren't correct, it pays to concede the point, in my opinion.
Yes, you must always admit to your mistakes, that is important from several points. You must always be accurately assessing your own performance, admitting mistakes gives you the opportunity to learn and improve. Admitting your mistakes also shows your submissive that you are doing the above. It shows that you are paying close attention to the situation and that you hold yourself accountable. It is important that she knows you are far less lenient with yourself than you would ever be with her. Of course she is responsible for her mistakes and faults, but so are you. She is never responsible for your faults and mistakes, those are entirely down to the you. Last but by no means least, admitting to your mistakes is showing trust and honesty and they are the very foundation of what we do. Just my opinions obviously.
ReplyDeleteAnon: I came across the link below which details how toxic the leadership became at a company where the leader was very obsessive and controlling, spouting out abuse to subordinates and basically creating an environment where ultimately there was no other way than to negotiate her (lucrative) resignation. It seems she had little awareness in the role she played in her own demise, believing to the end that she was surrounded by a bunch of amateurs who failed to see things as cleverly as she did. Being a good dominant means assessing your role very regularly, I imagine, (I know you agree) and being open to listening to where you *may* have not got it right. (Yes, yes, you've always got it right...just saying if...ha!)
ReplyDeletehttp://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/transforming-toxic-leaders/201110/the-stranglehold-obsessive-compulsive-leader
(Yes, yes, you've always got it right...just saying if...ha!)
ReplyDeleteThat made me laugh, goodness what a saucy girl!
Being serious, that link is extremely interesting. If you were going to write a treatise on how not to lead, that link just about does the job. A perfect example of how to bring disaster to fruition. Very interested in the idea that it is self loathing projected.
Thank you for such an interesting and informative response.