A few weeks back I was making dinner. I think I was waiting for the vegetables to finish roasting, or some such process as that and I decided to turn on the television and see if I could find something interesting for a few minutes. My attention was immediately grabbed by a old nun. I had entered the documentary at the moment they were explaining that this nun was once a famous Hollywood actress. She was a gorgeously feminine and refined young woman and there was footage of her with her beau; a man who was engaged to her and very, very much in love with her, as she was with him. They looked stunning together.
Shortly before their wedding he noticed a change in her demeanor and asked her what was wrong. It was at that point that she revealed that she couldn't let go of the idea in her head to join a group of nuns; that whilst she loved him she felt a burning need to serve God.
He was devastated and for a time they were estranged. However, they returned to one another. To this day, I think some forty years or more later, she is still a nun; in fact, she is the head nun (sorry, I'm sure I am using inaccurate words) and he still visits her regularly. He never married and he never found another woman to love the way he loved her, and so he returns to her on a regular basis to visit.
I happened to have been viewing towards the end of the documentary and I saw them embrace and say goodbye to one another on this particular day. He walked away from her as he must have done endless times before and for a brief moment sadness was registered on her face, but then she seemed to go inward again, cross herself and turn towards the big cross on the table in front of her; to her service towards God. Her equilibrium was restored. She was serene.
A few minutes before this scene, a young nun came to see her to explain that she was still having moments of struggle. The struggle was apparent in the words she chose and in her evident sense of agitation. The old Nun assured her that all was in order; that she had made so much progress. She was doing well.
It all moved me deeply. These people deeply touched my soul.
Shortly before their wedding he noticed a change in her demeanor and asked her what was wrong. It was at that point that she revealed that she couldn't let go of the idea in her head to join a group of nuns; that whilst she loved him she felt a burning need to serve God.
He was devastated and for a time they were estranged. However, they returned to one another. To this day, I think some forty years or more later, she is still a nun; in fact, she is the head nun (sorry, I'm sure I am using inaccurate words) and he still visits her regularly. He never married and he never found another woman to love the way he loved her, and so he returns to her on a regular basis to visit.
I happened to have been viewing towards the end of the documentary and I saw them embrace and say goodbye to one another on this particular day. He walked away from her as he must have done endless times before and for a brief moment sadness was registered on her face, but then she seemed to go inward again, cross herself and turn towards the big cross on the table in front of her; to her service towards God. Her equilibrium was restored. She was serene.
A few minutes before this scene, a young nun came to see her to explain that she was still having moments of struggle. The struggle was apparent in the words she chose and in her evident sense of agitation. The old Nun assured her that all was in order; that she had made so much progress. She was doing well.
It all moved me deeply. These people deeply touched my soul.
I am a great believer in the idea that we each have a calling or purpose in life to which we should aspire. Those who find and embrace it early are perhaps the most fortunate in that they can dedicate themselves most effectively to it and thus find the most satisfaction in doing so. But for those of us who must look on and cope with the feelings of abandonment and inadequacy that may result, the path is surely harder. They are surely the ones whose faith is truly put to the test and whose selflessness is most evident.
ReplyDeleterollymo: When I read your words I immediately thought of the man. It was absolutely he that was sacrificial. I think for a time he just grieved terribly and then it dawned on him that she wasn't lost to him forever. *That's* the sadness I saw on her face: the recognition of what she had done to him.
ReplyDeleteBut, I think you were thinking of something closer to home. I feel I have touched a nerve and I send you my warmest wishes.
They have an enduring love after forty years. It seems so sad at first glance that they could not be together in the conventional way, living together, being married, having the very important physical part of the relationship, perhaps having children. But maybe they have a lot more than all those people who married forty years ago and ended up divorced or disliking each other or growing apart. So they both chose the road less traveled. She chose to be a nun, and he chose to be alone, but maybe they have something that many would envy.
ReplyDeleteSusan
Susan: I happened by chance to see the nun again a few days ago on a show about Elvis Presley's life. I only saw it for a few minutes and I still don't know the nun's name. Apparently, she acted in a movie with him and was a little gobsmacked as to what all the fuss was about him. Honestly, I think it would have been better for her beau to move on but it didn't work out that way. She was the only girl for him, it seems.
ReplyDelete