Self control

Life is going on at a very fast clip. Of course, we are anxious about our son who still must get through the next 24 hours before he can get on a plane and return home. What does not break you makes you stronger and I know that this crisis has already made him stronger and me too. Every phone call from him seems like a lifeline and while I am giving him my strength I think he is giving me his as well.

I have tried hard to hold it together. It was a very close call. I think the angels intervened and kept him away from harm. I kept myself busy and refused to let the thought of losing him come into my head. But, yesterday in the meditation at my weekly meditation class, I conjured him up: his birth, his toddler years, his time as a school boy, and the tears welled and spilled down my face.

By the end of the meditation I felt that sense of calmness and quietness that comes over me and I brushed away the tears, said my goodbyes and left. “Take good care, won’t you,” my teacher said earnestly. She must have seen the tears and I appreciated the care.

I had ordered two cardigans through ‘Banana Republic’ and sent them to his hotel and yesterday I had to go about locating the package and giving them instructions as to what to do with it. They replied and added, “We hope he is safe.” People caring about people: this is what the world is meant to be like.

And, I am putting the strategies and ideas I have learned in my therapy into practice: using a lot more self control to achieve satisfactory and successful outcomes for me and those in my life; being considerably strategic, focused and thinking ahead to how messages will be received. A lot of really good work has gone on there – sometimes confusing and sometimes appearing to be going against our power exchange dynamic. But, things are definitely starting to fall into place. I am learning to use my power and energy and passion for the greater good.

I have learned too that communication is paramount in this relationship or any relationship. We really do need to take the time to think about how others are receiving our messages; what impact it is having on the other.

With the threat of another tornado hanging over our heads in this American night, I go into my day thankful: thankful for the most amazing people in my life and all that they have taught me; thankful to be surrounded by love and care and to feel love in my heart for all of them.