I was introduced to tumblr.com a few months ago and I love visiting there. I follow a number of people and each day I scroll through a lovely selection of photographs. Earlier today, I came across the above photograph and found myself conflicted. There was something about the photograph that I liked. There was something about the photograph that I did not like.
Relationships of dominance and submission are difficult to judge. What may be one person's idea of totally unacceptable is another's persons idea of more than acceptable. And, that is if we can ever get to all the facts of the matter. It is a little like the saying about marriages: the only two people who know what goes on in a marriage are the two people in it. From the outside looking in, we really cannot judge all that well. Even if we think we know what is going on, we probably do not know the whole story, or how the relationship is perceived by the participants themselves. I make it a rule not to say things against someone's partner, even if they are looking for that. The next day, such a statement can come back to bite you in the bum, when they are all reconciled and you are the one in the doghouse.
In the above photograph it is clear that the girl has been spanked; hard. We don't know why but we may have the sense that the man is angry with her. He appears to be telling her off, even after the fact. Anger and spanking are not a good combination, but if the man is angry, perhaps he has good reason to be angry. And, perhaps the spanking and the anger are therapeutic. Perhaps, she is already feeling better and repentant.
Perhaps, the man is not angry at all but rather forcefully making his point; making his position clear. "I told you what would happen if you did that again, and now you know I am a man of my word!" Or, some such words as those.
Is the spanking consensual? Well, I doubt she gave her consent immediately before the event, but chances are high that the two of them are in a consensual relationship and she knew that this was a possibility. He is providing the discipline that she knows she needs. Or, is this something else?
And, did it do her harm? There is no doubting the fact that her bottom is stinging and sore and that at some point in the last few minutes she deeply regretted some action or words of hers, but perhaps the spanking has done her the world of good. Perhaps, she was out of kilter with her man and needed to feel his control over her. Perhaps, she asked for it specifically, though I rather doubt that scenario.
Perhaps, a little later in the day, her mood will be buoyant, belying the state of her bottom. Since I have been in a similar situation once or twice, I definitely buy that.
I love photography but it can be a trick of the eye. It is but one moment in a life yet we, the observer, read so much into it.
I have not spoken specifically of the erotic effect the photograph had on me. I thought it was hot.
Vesta, please don't misunderstand what I'm about to say. Please remember you asked, and I want to take the chance to be honest about the topic and see what others say.
ReplyDeleteBluntly, I really despise these kinds of pictures.
I think this type of photograph does undeniable harm to any and every one involved in any kind of pain play. Without some identifiable context indicating the consentual nature of the event, it leaves the impression with the casual observer that the general population involved in these kinds of relationships condone expressing anger with violence.
As for it's erotic appeal, if the woman were alone displaying that ass, and I could fill in the details from my own imagination, that would be hot. She's beautifully proportioned and a lovely woman that is sexually aroused is a beautiful thing indeed. Or if there were a man touching her tenderly, demonstrating care for her, then that would be erotic. But the stereotypical bronx lothario bending over her with a snarl leaves me feeling cold, and even a little sick to my stomach. Rather than seeing a lustful young woman eager to express her affection and appreciation of the man she's given her body, mind, and heart to, I see instead a two-bit pimp that's beating his whore for not being able to bring in enough cash. Rather than causing me thoughts of passion with her, this picture engenders thoughts of explaining to him rather forcefully that we don't treat women this way. I will admit that I see an irony that this picture makes me want to do violence to him.
Again, I am offering my honest reaction as you asked. I pass no judgement and am offering no critique of your expressed responses or opinions.
MagnusCattus: I think that is a totally fair call and I think a lot of people would agree with that, and I also think that is probably a good thing.
ReplyDeleteI feel uncomfortable about the photograph for all the reasons you mentioned. The part I do like about the picture is where I have invested it with my own experiences.
One time, maybe a year ago now, I was in a funk, unable to dig myself out of miserable feelings. My husband spanked me hard, partially in anger from the point of view that he was not happy with me but also out of love. He did it because I needed it and I wound up in a position like this girl, on the floor. He would never dress in such a yucky way as the guy in this photo and he held me while I cried afterwards rather than pointing his finger at me, but even so, I related to the photograph for this reason. Afterwards, like one second afterwards and thereafter, I felt so much better.
So, I was trying to see what might be positive about the photo rather than investing it with all the negative connotations that I think it engenders. Some girls very much crave a disciplinary relationship and perhaps would not be as offended as you obviously are by it.
I honestly don't know but I think it has to do with our own personal lives and our sense of safety.
I just think it is rather fascinating how we react to such a photograph when maybe what we are seeing is through our own eyes and not the eyes of the paricipants.
But, I totally get your point and it is a good one. And, thank you for responding.
Dear Vesta,
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how we need these little mental saftey nets --- like explicit markers of consent --- even in our fantasies. Surely the point of fantasy life is to be free of such constraints?
A significant proportion of my sexual fantasies are essentially rape fantasies. Obviously I don't have explicit markers of consent because lack of consent is the whole point (in fact I generally have explicit markers of refused consent). However, I can't have these fantasies about any woman with whom I have more than a very passing acquaintance: I just can't bring myself to think of a real woman in that way.
As for the photo, I think it's hot too: almost everything about the way the woman is laid out turns me on.
As for the man, to me it seems clear that he's been positioned by the photographer: his face looks completely blank to me, and he doesn't seem to be looking or even pointing properly at the woman (when I point at someone I point at their face, not at somewhere beneath their chin). I imagine he's only in the picture at all in order to sketch in some context.
Very nice picture. Please share again!
PL