So let's consider the realities. These are my realities; probably not your realities, but who knows?
I'm feisty. I have opinions. I don't desperately need to air them but I have them and no one is taking them away from me. Over time, I've learned to hold back when that seems "wise" and I've even been prepared to modify some of them to take into consideration the opinion of those other people around me. Embracing people's little foibles is the key and hopefully then they'll embrace mine.
I tend to give more than I take. I continue to work on setting boundaries; on asking people to do things for me.
I have a temper. God knows I have tried to control it. I have tried to have eternal patience. I have tried to stay silent. But, if I get upset, I can get very upset and I might say something I should not say; something that I didn't mean; something that I regret.
I want to clarify that. I might lose my temper with those very close to me. I don't lose my temper with people down the end of the phone, people driving cars or parking cars or anyone out there who does something I don't like. They don't get to me. But, people who mean something to me can make me cross. And, when I get cross, I do (or say) dumb things; things that I know once I have control of my temper and can see the light of day, I absolutely don't mean.
Here's another thing. I hate being in trouble. So, losing my temper leads to a lot of guilt, a lot of self-recrimination and a lot of "how could you be so bloody stupid again to...". It is me saying that to myself because I am just so very, very cross with myself that I still don't have control of that temper.
There was a little girl who had a little curl...
I have a submissive nature. I adore to be dominated. I long for it. I yearn for it. I dream about it. But, I'm a submissive woman with a temper. There, my dears, is my reality.
I'm feisty. I have opinions. I don't desperately need to air them but I have them and no one is taking them away from me. Over time, I've learned to hold back when that seems "wise" and I've even been prepared to modify some of them to take into consideration the opinion of those other people around me. Embracing people's little foibles is the key and hopefully then they'll embrace mine.
I tend to give more than I take. I continue to work on setting boundaries; on asking people to do things for me.
I have a temper. God knows I have tried to control it. I have tried to have eternal patience. I have tried to stay silent. But, if I get upset, I can get very upset and I might say something I should not say; something that I didn't mean; something that I regret.
I want to clarify that. I might lose my temper with those very close to me. I don't lose my temper with people down the end of the phone, people driving cars or parking cars or anyone out there who does something I don't like. They don't get to me. But, people who mean something to me can make me cross. And, when I get cross, I do (or say) dumb things; things that I know once I have control of my temper and can see the light of day, I absolutely don't mean.
Here's another thing. I hate being in trouble. So, losing my temper leads to a lot of guilt, a lot of self-recrimination and a lot of "how could you be so bloody stupid again to...". It is me saying that to myself because I am just so very, very cross with myself that I still don't have control of that temper.
There was a little girl who had a little curl...
I have a submissive nature. I adore to be dominated. I long for it. I yearn for it. I dream about it. But, I'm a submissive woman with a temper. There, my dears, is my reality.
Oh an interesting combination -- a submissive woman with a temper. Tell us more about what happens when you lose your temper.
ReplyDeleteFD
Vesta,
ReplyDelete"Right in the middle of her forehead. And when she was good, she was very, very good but when she was bad she was horrid."
When I was little my grandmother would say that to me as she swirled her finger through my tendrils. I think many children have heard such sentiments and I can not deny the truth in said chime.
I have often wondered if there is a balance in submission. That reserve of will power and temperament that enables him or her to submit. I find it hard to believe that having a temper is unique. I know I have a rather ugly one; a voice inside of me that creeps slowly only to combust into rather large, harmful verbal flames. And like you, once my anger has been extinguished I am left with a rather intrusive sense of defeat and shame.
My worst tantrums are directed and imposed on those I love; family I cherish and could not even imagine hurting. Perhaps, and I have thought of this often, people attack those they love because they feel the safest with them. This is not an excuse, merely an observation.
I can not help but ponder the idea that those who submit, those who give up control actually have some of the strongest opinions and point of view. Perhaps that is why we do submit. To quiet those inner voices and channel that energy to something more productive and experimental.
Like you I have a voice and I do want to be heard. Not by everyone and not all the time. Still when I want to be heard I really want my voice to resonate and to be taken respectfully.
It is all about balance.
~a
Vesta,
ReplyDeleteOh dear a submissive woman with a temper?! Surely mouse wouldn't know anything about that (drops off a bit to quiet the laughter). Honestly, mouse's temper is rather legendary. Tho, mouse has learned the art of being silent during such times around Omega.
However it is not 100% foolproof, and all too often mouse completely fails and unleashes wrath in a serious face-palm way that will often leave Omega at best simply terse or quietly amused....at worst it will raise his own anger.
That is something mouse doesn't like to see...
Hugs,
mouse
i agree with FD - a very interesting combination - how do you manage to balance the two? I am a little like you - i have a temper and when i lose it i say things i dont mean - and I feel dreadful about it afterwards. It doesnt happen all the time but boy when it does. Thankfully, Sir often finds me "funny" when this happens but once or twice ummmm not so.
ReplyDeleteThe other thing i do is withdraw and distance myself when I am upset or angry. Again, not the best submissive act in the world is it.
Difficult balancing act.
Let me know if you get it figuered out :)
hugs kiwi xx
FD: So you want the sad and sorry tale? The inside scoop? Well, going back three years ago or so when I would lose my temper my husband would lose his, or at least say something that made me very angry. This would create a huge burst of energy and I'd try to literally walk it off. But, I'd sometimes felt as if my chest was going to explode/implode and that's about when I started discovering ways to calm myself. It was clear to me that exercise alone was not the answer for me.
ReplyDeleteFast forward to today...I *never* get that burst of angry energy now. I know never is a big word but I just never do. If I do lose my temper now it relates to pent up frustration and upset about a situation. It occurs when I have tried many things to settle myself over a period of time but without any sort of resolution of the issue, my upset grows. This sort of upset doesn't make me mad. It makes me SAD. There can come a moment/day when I figure that I have to move on. How can I go on being sad like this, I wonder? It is utterly debilitating! So, I tend to do something drastic - like assume the other person doesn't care about me at all and send an email saying goodbye to them. This is met with anger, confusion, sadness and upset. Now, we are *both* upset! Not a good outcome, I am afraid. I come to my senses, realize I have over reacted and take it all back.
So, this is my fatal flaw. I suppose the best way around this is to advise the other person that I am upset. My tendency has been to try to address that upset all by myself. On the *very* odd occasion I can't address it by myself.
goodgirl: I actually don't think I have *ever* (another big word, but it is true) been angry with my mother/father/brother etc. I have been upset with them at times but they don't know about that. I can be cross with my husband because he rarely holds back with what he says and he would make Mother Theresa cross but I often don't bite. I often am quite ethereal and just glide through the day and on those days no-one can get to me. When I do get cross with him and say something to him he often recognizes that he went too far and pacifies me and the anger is over. I'm realizing as I write that I have changed *so* much because he could really make me so very angry in the past.
At the moment I'm not crazy about how one of the children is behaving. I've made a commitment to let time go by, to wait for an opportunity to make a positive contribution to her being aware of how she is coming off. I'm assessing whether I might be giving off negative vibes contributing to the behaviour...I'll be very disappointed in myself if I do lose my temper because the situation requires more impact than anger.
The idea of "channeling energy" is interesting. It is a thought I have been introduced to before. Anger isn't really all that productive unless you have a specific goal as to what you want to do about whatever has induced the anger. Usually a plan requires focus and calm so containing the anger is important, as you know.
kiwigirliegirl: My husband really does like me to be sweet, understanding, patient and kind 100% of the time. It's the truth. I try very hard to be that person for him. I've worked very hard on being that person and when I lose my temper it is usually momentary - a flash in the pan these days. A few nights back I had had a long day and no-one was helping me with the dishes and I felt a bit sorry for myself. I asked him if he would like some apple pie whilst I was in the middle of scrubbing pots and he said he would and I said (without meaning to), "You'll need to get it yourself." I knew as soon as I said it that it sounded rude and just as he was about to launch into a lecture I said, "I didn't mean it to come out like that." And he said, "Well, you choose your words more carefully."
ReplyDeleteI think this all has to do more with choosing words correctly and less to do with holding back the words. However, I still do find that a combination works best and that if I am very upset, I need to express that carefully and not hold it back completely until an eruption may occur over which I have little control.
mouse: Someone I know says that he often waits for a woman to unleash her "energy" in a temper tantrum; that it is best to wait until she has fully unleashed it and then moves into the next stage - embarrassment, regret, quiet or calm before he moves on. Personally, I don't find temper to be at all gender based. The man who said this has a legendary temper himself! But, Omega strikes me as the sort of person who would be a bit mystified. Why here? Why now? Of course, trying to make a girl laugh is ideal, in the right circumstances. Years ago at work I was totally steamed about something and was telling my boss. He had a look on his face that suggested he was taking me completely seriously and when I stopped talking he said in a dead pan way: "Are your underpants too tight?" I immediately laughed and we were rolling in laughter for some time. He tended to have perfect timing in that way.