Yesterday morning, a spanking took place, not as any sort of correction, just because he chose to play with me. He took out his special piece of tied rope and he used it liberally not just on my ass but all over my back and hips and thighs. When he made his focus my ass after that, I could literally feel the juices fall down on the sheet.
He turned me over, told me to keep my hands above my head and began to work on the front. My breasts can be sensitive which is why, I think, he likes to do it - to bring the rope down across my breasts. I didn't and haven't told him that it causes a glow in my nipples, particularly the right nipple that I found incredibly arousing, at the same time as I associate some pain with the experience.
When I couldn't stop myself from trying to protect my poor nipples from time to time he brought the long rope, part of which had secured my wrists, around the bed so that I was firmly tied to a bed post. Now the rope could come down on my body where he chose and without my interference.
Unable to wait any longer (I think) he plundered into me and roughly fucked me.
This was all very satisfying on many levels.
However, I really didn't get the buzz from the experience that I had anticipated. The day after that was fine. I did my reading for my weekly assignment, we had a sandwich and a coffee at the club; I made a pasta for dinner and we watched 'The Iron Lady'. Nothing was wrong. Yet, nothing was particularly right either. It was odd.
This morning, he was his feisty self in bed - some comment about Thatcher being right and it wasn't about feelings, it was about thoughts. This was meant to be a line to put me in my place because I hadn't like the way he had responded to my genuine suggestion about why his foot was hurting. I took umbrage and got out of bed, suggesting as I went that Thatcher was alone towards the end of her life and maybe being nice was a better way to go!
We met shortly thereafter in the kitchen.
"Are you all better now?" he asked.
"I'm fine, thank you."
"It's so predictable. You get a bit roughed up and you want to assert yourself."
I just looked at him. It was so true. For reasons I don't understand, every now and again, what would normally be seen as a really good time, isn't. It is. But, my response to it isn't the usual response.
He doesn't really let it bother him. It's clear he's not really bothered. But, it is, as he likes to call it a "danger period" and I gather he feels that what's important is to keep me contained and be clear about the fact that he is in control. That seems to get us over this little bump.
That's true.
What he doesn't know is that since that event, my mind is on fire. The thoughts about how I'm treated in my fantasy life are especially more intense: a more whispy cane, a firmer strike, a louder scream; a bigger plug, a longer containment...a very dumdum l'il thing.
I've had the sort of training that doesn't fade away. It's very much a part of my mind processes now. It's just who I am and how I process. Pride (ego) will rear it's head occasionally, making it all the more important that the control is firm and my place on the bottom well secured.
He turned me over, told me to keep my hands above my head and began to work on the front. My breasts can be sensitive which is why, I think, he likes to do it - to bring the rope down across my breasts. I didn't and haven't told him that it causes a glow in my nipples, particularly the right nipple that I found incredibly arousing, at the same time as I associate some pain with the experience.
When I couldn't stop myself from trying to protect my poor nipples from time to time he brought the long rope, part of which had secured my wrists, around the bed so that I was firmly tied to a bed post. Now the rope could come down on my body where he chose and without my interference.
Unable to wait any longer (I think) he plundered into me and roughly fucked me.
This was all very satisfying on many levels.
However, I really didn't get the buzz from the experience that I had anticipated. The day after that was fine. I did my reading for my weekly assignment, we had a sandwich and a coffee at the club; I made a pasta for dinner and we watched 'The Iron Lady'. Nothing was wrong. Yet, nothing was particularly right either. It was odd.
This morning, he was his feisty self in bed - some comment about Thatcher being right and it wasn't about feelings, it was about thoughts. This was meant to be a line to put me in my place because I hadn't like the way he had responded to my genuine suggestion about why his foot was hurting. I took umbrage and got out of bed, suggesting as I went that Thatcher was alone towards the end of her life and maybe being nice was a better way to go!
We met shortly thereafter in the kitchen.
"Are you all better now?" he asked.
"I'm fine, thank you."
"It's so predictable. You get a bit roughed up and you want to assert yourself."
I just looked at him. It was so true. For reasons I don't understand, every now and again, what would normally be seen as a really good time, isn't. It is. But, my response to it isn't the usual response.
He doesn't really let it bother him. It's clear he's not really bothered. But, it is, as he likes to call it a "danger period" and I gather he feels that what's important is to keep me contained and be clear about the fact that he is in control. That seems to get us over this little bump.
That's true.
What he doesn't know is that since that event, my mind is on fire. The thoughts about how I'm treated in my fantasy life are especially more intense: a more whispy cane, a firmer strike, a louder scream; a bigger plug, a longer containment...a very dumdum l'il thing.
I've had the sort of training that doesn't fade away. It's very much a part of my mind processes now. It's just who I am and how I process. Pride (ego) will rear it's head occasionally, making it all the more important that the control is firm and my place on the bottom well secured.
It's confusing at times, what we (often) secretly might want is different than what we get. It's an odd mix sometimes, the fantasy/reality where we wish to exist.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
mouse
Vesta,
ReplyDeleteHeavens, there is so much to say; however, I have to admit what first comes to mind is that you cussed. Using the "F" word is something I do not see from you and caught me by surprise. Still I appreciate the sentiment and it explained the event perfectly whereas had you said "we had sex" it would not have complimented your sentiments in the same way.
As for your emotions and fantasy versus reality. Well I shall ponder on that a bit more before I comment because it strikes something in me.
xx
~a
mouse: It is rather confusing, isn't it? I do think there are challenges to having a 'submissive' sort of brain. I think it would be easier, in a sense, if we had a "normal" sort of brain. I don't mean that we aren't normal, and I do think that there is a drive in many women to want some of what we want, but it doesn't often come to the surface. For us, it comes to the surface all the time, and there is the challenge.
ReplyDeleteI've been trying to come up with something whereby we can still feel as if we are being true to ourselves, to our natures, but not quite so reliant on the dominant. I think that has a lot to do with adopting the right thinking patterns. I'll try to post more about that later in the week.
goodgirl: For a minute, I had to think what you meant. Then, I got it. I think the "F" word was the right word. I chose it consciously. I know you got that.
Do you mean that my fantasies are always MORE than my reality? My fantasies are always pushing; always wanting more. More courage, more insistence, more dominance, more submission, more letting go, more acceptance...until I simply surrender, utterly and completely aware that I have no control whatsoever and must do as commanded at all times. And then, climax!
For the kinky and imaginitive among us, fantasies are always going to be ahead of reality, IMHO. This has two well-grounded reasons:
ReplyDelete1. Experience feeds fantasy. The more we experience, the more our minds race ahead to what we might further experience. We process our reality, this becomes the norm, then we seek further stimulation, further adventures. This is what drives the human race forward.
2. Fantasy is inevitably better than reality. Sometimes reality surprises us, bowls us over with things we had not previously contemplated, and that gives us an amazing rush. But in general, those of us with a good imagination can invent scenarios and ideas that we have little ability to play out in reality. In German this is termed "Kopfkino" ,literally the cinema inside the head. Those fantasies are free of practical limitations, interruptions and misunderstandings. Those fantasies are perfect within their moment, until we refine them again, and real life can simply never be quite as good, though we may strive to make it so.
rollymo: Yes, I agree with all that you said. In terms of the first point about experience feeding reality, I find that sexual interest spurns more sexual interest. So, if we've had the kind of weekend where sexual togetherness and play was at the forefront of the itinerary the next week will be very fantasy oriented.
ReplyDeleteFantasy can be better than reality, for sure. It makes sense. We create the scenarios as we want them, just as we want them. I regard fantasies as a little 'time out', rather like stopping for a cup of tea. I'm not a cigarette smoker but in the novel I have just finished reading the Afghan man was in a detention center and longed for a cigarette. He explained it was about holding off the worries for the three minutes it takes to have the cigarette. It wasn't about the actual smoke he would inhale. So, I think fantasies are cheap and healthy ways to have a little 'cigarette' and let the worries go for a few minutes.
the fine balancing line between fantasy and reality is just that - very fine indeed...i hope you continue to find the balance that keeps you happy :)
ReplyDeletehugs kiwi xx
kiwigirliegirl: Someone said to me today that our brain can't really differentiate between fantasy and reality in the sense that our body reacts to a thought in the same way, whether it is fantasy or reality. To this end, I see huge value in fantasy. If one finds fantasy thoughts calming, relaxing and supportive, that is doing the body good - flooding it with good hormones. So, I honestly think we should feel good about creative fantasy. I can't see a negative unless we lose sight of reality completely, of course. That wouldn't be good.
ReplyDelete