This thing called D/s

I took a very old lady to the cinema recently and afterwards we found a little tea room that I thought she would approve of and we chatted away very amiably. One of the things I like so much about her, and always have, is that she is so completely honest.

Her husband died recently. She was completely devoted to him for over 50 years and their marriage was super duper strong. But, she saw things for what they were and called it so. She said to me over the teapot:

"He asked me to marry him every month for a year."

"You weren't sure?"

"Well he was a lovely man. But, I wasn't sure he was interesting enough for me."

A little later, she talked of marriage more generally and in relation to a niece of hers who had divorced:

"J didn't seem to understand that it was important for a woman to make a man feel that he was running the roost."

Then, this:

"She didn't quite get that she could get her own way with the art of persuasion rather than taking D on as she did."

And later:

"All marriages have hard times. I'm sure your marriage has too."

"You think so?" I asked.

"Oh yes, dear. I've known your husband since he was a school boy."

I just had to smile at all these "truisms" of hers.

The truth is that no very long marriage gets by without some bumps along the way; without adjustments and alterations to take into account the inevitable changes that occur along the way; in each individual and in the relationship as an entity.

Nothing is more exciting and/or confronting as change - changes that occur quite naturally and without fanfare over time, and changes that arrive with no announcement or opportunity to prepare at all.

I sometimes feel that to live with someone over a lifetime requires a love so deep that it goes right down to the core of you, and of him. We see one another warts and all. There is no escaping the flaws - his temper, my "emotions".

One of the best aspects of a D/s dynamic, from my perspective, has been my ultimate acceptance that winning is of no importance to me. And, that is a good thing, since I will never win! Nor should I win. Winning is very bad for me.

Sometimes, I still try to win. I see a flaw and I go after the business of winning a point. It's not submissive, but it is human.

But, here's the thing:

D/s is not a competition. It is not fair. It is not logical. It is not equal. Or, without its difficulties.

But, when all is said and done, it is what works for me.

And, it is I that will go his way.

And then, I will be happy.

Sigh.