Analyzing the analysis

I used to talk about analysing the analysis, right back at the inception of this blog. So, I don't imagine there is any surprise here when I say that one of the few television shows that I enjoy at this time is In Treatment. I'm quite addicted to it actually. When one episode finishes, the announcer will sometimes say, 'Don't get off the couch. Your session with the doctor isn't over yet'. Oh, goody! Another show to come and I stay right where I am.

I haven't spoken to other fans of the show but I just bet many would agree that even better than his sessions with patients are his sessions with his own psychotherapist, Gina (played by Dianne Wiest). She is the model of consistency with him and last night I got the feeling that he left his session with her almost healed. Yes, his father had not behaved well towards him but his father had loved him and Paul did love him, too. It seemed to quell the angry little boy inside him, at least for now. It thrilled me to see a preview of the next session when Gina finally blows her top at him, "You know Paul, you can really be an asshole!" Oh wow! I'm going to enjoy that episode.

I've been skeptical about analysis because I saw a family member in therapy for years and she never changed one bit. They seemed to talk a lot about her childhood in those sessions and hardly at all about the modes of behaviour that were causing her so much damage now. It all seemed such a waste of time if she was not going to learn to make better choices for herself.

But, in essence I've been in self therapy here for over a year now so I have some proof that it has value to put oneself on the couch, so long as the requisite changes in mindset are made to make for a better life for oneself and those others in our lives.

Paul really was in a great deal of pain about his father. He wanted his time and attention, seeing him as a very interesting person and he remained angry with his father, even after his death that he did not give him this time. When he settles down later in the session with Gina he looks at her and asks, "Did you have the kind of father you needed?" First, she nods tentatively, and then she shakes her head. "No, I didn't. I am a therapist, Paul!!"

It was a lovely soft touch alluding to the fact that it is those who have things to work out that are interested in psychology, and judging by the people I see choosing psychology courses, I really think that does bear out. And so, we are flawed in this analysis, therapist and patient, just as all people are flawed. Yet, one leads the other; one gives the other the security of being lead and of having that safety net.

I have heard dominant men say that they enjoy the process of providing that security, leadership and control for a submissive and I don't doubt that for a second. But, Paul is often beside himself about his patients, about the limits of his control over their lives beyond the therapy session; of his doubts that he is of any real use to them at all. It is a burden to him in some ways because although he desperately wishes to help them, he hurts too. He needs love, affection and tenderness as do we all and he also needs to throw the odd hissy fit himself; to act like a petulant little boy rather than the statesman that he is capable of being.

In the case of a power exchange relationship even those of us who long to be daddy's little girl; to cede control and curl up on the couch in his lap recognize that no man is perfect, even though there may be moments when we forget to take off the rose coloured glasses and believe it is so. But, I think at the end of the day that is what is really lovely about a power exchange.

Somewhere, some man wrote that each submissive he had been with had changed him in some way. This is the reality. We are who we are and we crave that which completes us: the dominant wants a submissive and the submissive a dominant. But, no person is perfect and nor should they be expected to be perfect.

It is not about perfection but rather the pursuit of perfection. I think perhaps this is what analysis is all about, why I gravitate towards it and why I enjoy the show.

In so many ways I have been taught to let go of analysis; to let go completely and let the dominant catch me. I adore this more than I could ever say. But, in the dustiest corner of my mind is always a faint reminder of what lies behind one of the most wonderful experiences of my life: people who truly do recognize that neither is perfect but that both strive to be the very best that they can be.