Mentoring

Whilst the concept of mentoring a girl is probably well understood theoretically speaking, each girl's experience within the mentoring process is unique and thus in practice no other person can really understand just what goes on. I have had the pleasure of being officially mentored twice and certainly the experiences differ markedly, although there were some common messages, as one would expect.

Naturally enough, I’ve gravitated to reading the words of those girls who have been mentored and those men who have mentored them as well and I have met one or two people through this journal who have been mentored or have mentored a girl and that reading and discussion has given me some understanding of their experiences too.

All of this leads me to the conclusion that there is little about my current mentoring experience that may be experienced by another mentored girl. It just seems to me that each one is a unique experience particular to the dynamic and the personalities of the two people involved.

By now, there must surely be an understanding that I am not a participant of the kinky world in any formal way. I don’t go to kinky events, munches, play parties and such. I have no kinky friends that I have actually met in person and I have only actually spoken on the phone to one kinky friend, once. I’ve heard the voice of my first mentor but was not given a clear photograph of him and in the case of my current mentor I know him only through his words.

The truth is that I lead a very ordinary life. I care for my family, see my friends, exercise; am completely faithful to my husband. My kink is in my head, my heart and my soul; every fibre of my being. It finds expression with my husband, my mentor, and my kinky friends via the Internet and within my imagination. That’s it. That’s all there is!

I’ve never been officially bound. My husband is perfectly adept with rope, bless his heart, but I’ve never been trussed up and lifted up off the floor; never experienced ‘the freedom of the ropes’. I don’t have a single marking on my body of any kind and I strongly doubt that if you saw me or met me you would have any idea of the thoughts and desires that race through my mind nearly every minute of every waking day. I have to believe that I am an anomaly in this space.

Just now a request popped up on my laptop screen from someone via Fetlife asking for access to my ‘Messenger’. I declined without a moment’s thought. I only ever made myself an identity there to have a look around and see what it was all about. I remain, on some levels, deeply introverted and shy about all this.

Let me be clear. I am not in the least ashamed of who I am, of what I do here or of the thoughts that take over my mind. I am not in the slightest ashamed of my inner slut, or self; call it what you will. To the contrary I am immensely proud of expressing my true self: to my husband, my mentor (past and present), to my kinky friends and to all my readers.

My issue is that I feel that I have left this all so late in my life. I’m all grown up. I am close to the finishing line in raising my family. I still feel a ‘girl’ in every sense of the word but I am very much a woman. Truthfully, I often wonder what you can find interesting in what I write here.

So there it is in all its glory: my vulnerabilities lay bare. My mentor knows that I am older than him. I see absolutely no point in lying about anything at all, let alone my age or my non-kinky and most ordinary life. And yet, sweetheart that he is, he is not at all deterred. I want to learn and he is happy to teach. And, that makes me a very happy and most fortunate girl.

I can’t and I won’t detail our mentoring discussions but what I can reveal is how extraordinary I find it that we can have accomplished so much together in spite of, and perhaps even because of the restrictions we ourselves imposed on the mentoring. That is not to say that we talked it all out at the outset. There was never any such discussion. Perhaps he remembers differently but I think he could corroborate that he never asked and I never agreed. It happened; both willing participants.

If there is a magic ingredient to the success it is trust. I have had my moments but they didn’t last long and apart from those moments I have put my full trust in the integrity of the mentoring process of which I am a part. I am scrupulously honest because that is my standard of behaviour but as well I know that he would and will accept no less.

I have experienced resistance. I still experience moments of resistance but it is of the playful variety nowadays should it occur. I know my limits and what is expected and I have no wish to damage the work we do. He leads. I follow. I progress. He praises. And, so it goes.

I am hungry for more; always hungry for more and completely open to suggestion. As the one I follow, he pays close attention to my reactions, questions me endlessly and in detail as to my motivations, my state of mind, my wants and needs and the whys and wherefores of those. I’m not given a command until he is certain that I understand the ramifications; that this is what I really want. And, when he is certain, no excuse whatsoever is good enough for non-compliance or breaking the rules. I rarely test his mettle in any real way nowadays. I know the result of that; it’s a waste of time and effort.

I’ve grown so much. I’m so incredibly happy to write that. This growth fulfils me in a way that brings tears to my eyes. The things I want cannot be explained through rational thoughts. I want this with a burning desire that goes far beyond rational thoughts. It is unexplainable to you in full since I cannot explain it to me. I just want it. That is what I know.

I am truly being worn down; eroded; made less. Within that process, the structure, the limits, the containment and care, I have found a contentment that may never have found expression in my lifetime. I am proud of the work we do and I’m eternally grateful for my husband’s support and blessing. What we do is a very good thing.

I can’t possibly expect you to understand but I welcome any questions you may have and I’ll do my best to answer them.