The Litttle Bridge

In my younger days (no, I'm not going to define "younger days"!!), I had a tendency towards the dramatic and if someone close to me (read: husband, boyfriend, boss, mentor) upset me enough they might find themselves listening to my "it's been great but it's over" little speeches. I'd be so mad that I felt I couldn't breathe properly until that person was expunged from my life.

Initially, I'd get a surge of adrenaline that had me high on my assertive action. But, within 24 hours I would usually feel remorse and regret. I had burned my little bridge and over something that was probably not a deal breaker in the scheme of things. If I'd kept my head, we could probably have worked something out.

When a bridge is burned, the possibility of return or retreat is impossible, according to the dictionary definition. But, I never let that idea get in the way of recovering a situation and I was never too proud to return to the scene of the crime to say that I think I had made a mistake. I would get angry for sure, but I also knew how to apologize too and to beg for forgiveness. So far, it has always been given, if not before a good telling off about my passionate and perhaps, over the top response.

When you burn something (remember guys, I'm no good at science) it combusts and when it combusts it changes. In other words, the burnt object undergoes a transformation. Now, some would say that all that is left of a burning bridge is a pile of rubble, but I would like to suggest that is not always the case. Sometimes, there is a small little bit of the bridge left to salvage and with hard work and ingenuity the bridge can be salvaged; even transformed into something more special than the original and intact bridge.

Don't believe me? Here's an example of what I mean. My husband and I are close friends with a couple who married and divorced many years ago. The marriage was fraught with issues related to his children from a previous marriage and in the end it was too much for both of them. They went their separate ways and lived on two separate continents. But, the original seed of affection and attraction refused to burn out. He would visit her when he went to the US for conferences and over time he wooed her back into his arms. When he proposed a second time, she said yes.

In front of friends and family in their beautiful garden, a year ago now, they said their vows for the second time. And, a year later, their union is better than it ever was before. It has transformed into one where they work together on their mutual goals; listen to one another and enjoy one another. They have grown as individuals and as a couple and the respect that was missing before is now evident. Not only that, there is no turning back. They walked away from a wreckage and survived. They have been through too much to let their second chance go to waste.

I have transformed now too in so many ways. I'm still passionate but not angry. I still can be hurt but no longer feel a desire to retaliate; to burn my bridge. I seek to understand the other. I choose to settle myself and forgive, reminding myself that this rather odd behaviour is merely an aberration.

Perhaps the hardest component for 'cindi' is that while she may ask a question, she may not receive an answer. Her concern or her upset often remains bottled inside her for the dolli doesn't worry or think very much. This is not an easy limit. The girl Vesta looks to heal and help but without adequate knowledge often the doll is just confused. She must wait, calmly and dispassionately for the dust to settle; for the embers to cool. Rather than allow the bridge to burn she must ensure that it is never set alight; that her bridge stays intact.

Cindi is peaceful, happy, content and full of joy. She thrives. Sometimes, she is confused and a little sad. But, she knows that there will be tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow. With the bridge intact and in good order she will use it to make her journey over the troubled waters to firm and peaceful land beneath her feet.

Such is the power of the little bridge.