The sun and the moon

When I first began exploring my submissive nature, I remember being shocked that someone would refer to me as “bad”; as in “you’ve been a bad girl!” I didn’t think of myself as a bad person and I was rather alarmed that anybody would think that of me. After all, I obeyed the law, put my families’ needs ahead of my own, and was kind to strangers and animals; all those sorts of things. If I was “bad” then heaven help us all!

Bit by bit, I came to understand that it was not about whether I was a good or bad person but whether or not I was developing an understanding of how a power exchange dynamic could work for me. If I wanted a successful power exchange I needed to conform.

My husband, like lots of other husbands out there is happy to lead; wants to lead. He takes responsibility on his shoulders and he knows what he wants. But for many years I didn’t really understand myself well enough, or even know that it was possible for me to say that I wanted to feel control over me.

I honestly believed, as many girls do, that I needed to be strong and independent and want to take charge and be in control and strive to achieve and all those sorts of things. I felt that I had to fight against my nature to want to be protected and to feel the strength of a man and his direction in my life. I thought that I was deeply deficient that I remained on some level, “just a little girl”.

Although I thought that my husband would not understand me if I told him who I really was and what would make me happy, I have come to see that a power exchange relationship is very close to a perfect fit for the two of us as a couple.

We have been married almost 30 years but we are still in the process of getting it just right. Finally, after years and years of coming to me with the minutiae of a deal and being upset with me that it unsettles me to hear of things over which I have no control, he is taking much more of his own counsel. He knows that if he needs to talk, I will of course listen, but it does not work to give me excess worry. I need to feel that he is in control of himself and the plans that he makes on our behalf.

On this score, the past year has been an adjustment period for us as he took to heart that this constant discussion over his business affairs was affecting me. But, I am delighted to say that he now sees the merit in having a more relaxed girl. I don’t say that this works for all D/s couples by any stretch but it does work for us. I was not the only member of this marriage that needed to make adjustments if we were to be completely happy.

I have read a number of comments lately that sex is not all there is to a power exchange relationship. Naturally, I agree, but it is a vital component and it is when I feel that dominance in my life, to the core of my being that I shine most bright. If a woman is submissive by nature, she needs to feel that sense of dominance over her in a very concrete way as well as on a more day to day level. And, the dominant needs to feel her sense of completeness as much as she does, I think. My husband will say after very satisfying love making, “It is so lovely to live with a happy girl. Just look at you!” Well, he looks rather happy, too!

I read just now a comment by a submissive. She wrote: I'm not so sure submissive power can be sustained just through service. I think there needs to be a dominant force from which the submissive draws enough energy that can be reflected - much as the moon reflects the light of the sun.

I think that is a beautifully expressed sentiment. A “dominant force” cannot just be a man (in this case) who wants his own way. It needs to be a man who understands that his girl has a submissive nature, needs to express that nature and is happy that she is as she is.

This is why I waited so long to express myself as I really am. I just didn’t believe that I would be acceptable. It has taken a lot of mentoring for me to finally get it through my dumdum head that it is more than all right for me to have a submissive nature. I am valued, loved and desired for that submissive nature.

It is beyond question that I draw energy from the dominant force in my life; an energy that is reflected back. The more I embrace my submissive nature, the more powerful (and settled) I feel; much as the moon reflects the light of the sun.