Some years ago when my husband was immersed in post graduate study, I packed up mychildren and we headed into the country to stay in the mountains. The house I rented was humble but the huge advantage was that it had a big back garden with a place to burn a fire and toast marshmallows. After we returned from climbing mountains each day, the children stayed outside for hours by that fire, lost in their imagination.
Recently, I was given a voucher to stay in a very comfortable hotel with a wonderful view not too far from that humble home and my husband and I escaped for two full nights of naughty time together. Perhaps I can catalogue more about that another time.
My husband and I drove one afternoon to the beautiful waterfall that my children and I had visited, and after climbing down to the bottom we marvelled in its beauty together. We love to be alone in the country together and by that I mean, completely alone. It was mid-week and we had the place virtually to ourselves. There was a special magic in the air; a soothing balm for us both.
As I watched the water jump and cascade over the rocks I thought of a line from Deity’s poem.
“I want to do with you what wind does to a rock face.”
I asked my husband, “What does wind do to a rock face?”
“It erodes it...wears it down.”
It made perfect sense. That is what had happened to me...was still happening to me. I was being worn down.
I’m not the girl I once was.
I am settled.
I am content.
I am peaceful.
I am forever grateful to be transformed into someone who feels comfortable in her skin; alive in a way she only dreamed about; able to share her inner thoughts and for them to be given life; set free.
Transformation takes work: diligence, commitment and a steady hand.
It rates as one of the best things that ever happened to me.
It is said that nothing stays the same. The rock cannot stay the same. Life is a state of change.
How thrilling it is to say that as I age I become so much less!
How enriched I am that as I age I am so much more than I ever was before.
Truly
Richly
Deeply
Blessed.
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Vesta,
ReplyDeleteThe trip sounds lovely. So does your state of mind. In my head, my image of myself is not that there is too much, but too little. I guess that's why the idea of builidng up and reshaping appeal to me more than eroding and wearing down. Transformation either way though.
gg: Such an interesting comment! Can you clarify for me a bit? "Too little" of what?
ReplyDeleteI understand the notion of wanting to be built up and reshaped, but what is the connection between there being too little? It suggests to me that you feel there is a deficiency of some sort (and I would emphasize the word "feel").
I thought to go on with this thought of mine next time to try to explain it some more.
Vesta,
ReplyDeleteI guess I think that when I imagine what I would change or modify about myself - I don't feel that I am too much this or too much that, rather I feel that I lack this or am not enough that. There is a list in my mind of course of what this and that are. Ironically, self-confidence tops the list. I like your metaphor so I look forward to reading your further thoughts.
gg: Thank you for that. Okay, that helps and I'll try to get more thoughts down asap.
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