Inner strength

When one happens to be born with a submissive nature, and I do think I was born with a submissive nature, 'relatedness' is how one operates. We submissive types relate to the other person/people in our lives. If those relationships are going well, we are at peace and when those relationships are not going well, we tend to feel 'unhooked'.

It has been a year with some lovely moments and I have learned so much and grown so much. But I cannot fool myself. It has also been a tough year for me where it has been difficult to engage my husband in any consistent sort of way. He has been working non stop and the massive hours he puts in to his work eventually take their toll. He is often deliriously tired and of course, tired people can be cranky people with short fuses and a general sense of being 'under par'. A person cannot be hundreds of hours short of sleep and not eventually experience a sense of feeling unwell and stressed.

It is my belief that a woman, even a woman with the strong needs that a submissive woman has to relate, must find strength within herself to overcome those times when the Dominant in her life is not able to satisfactorily connect with her. Any person can only change their own behaviour. They are not able to change the behaviour of anyone else.

Of course, they can do all sorts of things to encourage the person and I know my husband responds to pampering and TLC. He has certainly enjoyed the various strategies I have used to engage him and he has rallied to the call (!) at those times. But, at the end of the day, if he needs buckets of time to devote to his work, and then loads of sleep and rest to recover from the overwork, then that is what he needs. I can't change that or do anything about it.

In the past, we have partaken of morning tea or a light lunch together on a regular basis. We have gone for a walk together, or seen a movie; anything to stay in touch and for both of us to feel connected, even within a heavy workload. Very little of that has taken place in the past few months. In fact, the last time we tried to enjoy a breakfast out together, his phone rang as we were placing the order, and I ate my meal alone while he paced the walkway outside taking the call. To be frank, I have not suggested breakfast out since then.

He tells me regularly that this situation is only temporary and good times are just around the corner and I hang onto that thought. I do my best to understand, to support and to maintain a positive mind. But, in the end, I do feel that if I rely on him for my sense of contentment with life at this time, I am only hurting myself. He does not have time to nurture me right now and so I must nurture myself; find sustenance in other aspects of life until he can give me a bit more of himself.

This is an enormous challenge for a submissive woman but one that must be met. I think there is a certain peace in accepting that there are times when one must rely on oneself for a sense of peace rather than pine for what one cannot have. All things come to an end and one day, this too shall pass.