Tuesday, December 1, 2009

The mirror (by cassie)

There is a woman walking down the street. She is in a chic neighbourhood, looking at expensive shops. It is late afternoon, the shops are closed.
There is something about her. The way she walks, confident, her stride is full of purpose. She seems to know where she's going, she has a destination.

Suddenly she stops, takes her time while looking at some underwear displayed at the other side of the glass. She carries herself proudly: shoulders back, chest out, head held high. While standing in front of the shop window she turns sideways, as if to look at herself. What does she see? Black riding boots, jeans tucked inside. A black blouse and black jacket, a french silk scarf round her long slender neck, in the colours of red and yellow. A red Italian ostrich leather handbag hangs from her elbow and she wears her dark Jackie O. style sunglasses on her head. Keeps her blond hair from falling into her face... Everything about her is timeless, feminine, with an elegant restraint that brings the best out of a woman.

She is satisfied with what she sees and moves on to the next shop. The sun has almost set...she'd better hurry...and she sets off, holding onto something shiny with her hand, right under her chin.

Another time, another place:

The Villa's living room. A fireplace, two big comfortable sofas with golden and dark green cushions, a big coffee table in between with books on it. One of them is open, showing Olga posing for Bettina. Olga does everything Bettina says, sometimes innocent, sometimes bewildered, sometimes just curious. But nobody is paying attention to them.

Because there is a woman kneeling on the wooden floor. The straps of her black cotton dress have fallen from her shoulders but she is unable to pick them up. Her wrists are tied to her ankles and she is bending forwards. There is something that looks like a tattoo under the left ankle cuff. Through the straps of the harness gag one can see from her face that she is unhappy, uncomfortable, maybe even in a little bit of pain. Is she stiff from remaining in this position for so long? Has she been whipped, caned or flogged? Is she carrying something inside her that is painful?

She lets out a long sigh as if resigning herself to her fate, drops her head, and as her ponytail falls from her shoulders, a shiny stainless steel chain becomes visible round her neck. In this position, so easily thrown out of balance, she remains perfectly still.

The Domina is standing right behind her. Tonight she is wearing a white silk blouse and a gray pencil skirt, just below the knee. She is barefoot, no boots, no shoes, no stockings.

"So" says the Domina in a stern voice, "I hear you've let your Master down. Is that true?"
"Yes, Ma'am" the woman says through the gag. Her words are only comprehensible to those who know what to expect...
"And in what way is he punishing you?" asks the Domina
"i really need to pee. And he won't let me. But i really need to..." says the woman in a mixture of saliva and tears, barely audible.
"Well" says the Domina, "you can be of service to me. Aren't you a slave?"
"Yes,... Ma'am,... i am" says the woman, almost sobbing.
"Good!" says the Domina and without another word places her right foot on the woman's back making her fall forwards, left cheek on the floor. With slow and confident moves she then lifts her skirt to her slender waist and lets go of the contents of her bladder over the back, neck and head of the helpless, awkwardly kneeling slave.

Well trained as the bound and gagged woman is, she keeps her position, her cheek still touching the wooden floor, in a puddle of yellow liquid. The Golden Shower stings in her eyes but makes her feel warm inside, useful, used, something. Shivering slightly, her black dress clinging to her back and with the tiny droplets hanging from her hair, the slave can now only wait for her Master...and hope he releases her soon, real soon...

And now i turn to you, readers of this post. And, since you found your way to this blog and my gracious host Vesta, there must be something special about yourselves as well. Let me guess:

you're just curious, maybe you ended here by mistake. You may have heard something about Domination and submission but you're not really into it. That's fine.

you consider yourself to be Dominant but you are alone. Or the sub you would like to have as yours isn't in a very subbie mood most of the time. It happens.

you could be the proud Master/Mistress of a slave. In real life or on line. You may see your slave every day in your own home or on the web cam every other night. But you still are the Master/Mistress. Excellent.

or maybe you are a switch. Then you are lucky, you get to feel both sides of the flogger.

you could be a man or woman that likes to be dominated in the bedroom. Very erotic but your submission only goes as far as the bedroom door. Great also!

you could be the "s" in a D/s relationship. Your submission fulfills your need to obey and be controlled. You may also need to be corrected once in a while. Nothing wrong with that.

you could be one of those girls or boys that call themselves a 24/7 real life slave, owned by a caring Master/Mistress and your only purpose is to serve and make Him or Her happy. You may have a contract, perhaps even wear a collar all the time. Good!


Regardless of what you are or what you consider yourself to be, your reaction to the humiliation of the female slave mentioned above will be different than the reaction of other persons reading here. You may love it or hate it. You may think it is unworthy of a human being to be treated that way or you may find the idea of warm piss running down your back arousing. You may find the punishment of the slave too harsh or you may feel your hands itching, wanting to reach for that plaited riding crop and give her a few extra swats since she's kneeling with her ass up anyway.

Or, on the other hand, you may want yours (or yourself) to be like the first woman i mentioned: settled, self-confident, mature in her manners, elegant in her dress, nothing submissive about her. Just a woman radiating happiness and satisfaction, making her look beautiful.

Now look at yourself in the mirror. Can you see yourself standing there? Do you like what you see? Can you identify with any of the characteristics of the women i described earlier? Before you answer, stop and think for a while. Are you really looking at yourself with your own two eyes? or are you using the eyes of others?

Do you measure the effect of your Dominance by your sub's bow?
Do you measure your submissiveness by the strength of your Dom's control?
Your Mastery by the way your slave speaks or dresses?
The degree of your enslavement by how many misdemeanors you can get away with unpunished?
Your torturing skills by how much pain the bottom can handle?
The kinkiness of your fantasies by what you see on the net?

i don't have the answer. But i don't have to look very far. The answer is within each one of you.

All i can say that there is no BDSM bible. No book that one Must read, no protocol that one Must follow. No sub is exactly as masochistic as a Dom is sadistic. No slave has exactly the same need to be owned in exactly the same way the Master wants to own him/her. None of these relationships is symmetrical. They are complimentary. Remember, it is your own image you see in the mirror, not your owner's or your pet's. It is just yourself. And it should be enough to make it work.

Bondage and Discipline and Dominance and submission and Sadism and masochism have changed a lot since the old, plain, slightly underground s/m days. But they still have a gift to give: a sense of achievement, an elevation of the self through pain, humiliation and submission or through exquisite and precise Dominance and overwhelming, liberating sadism.

Only when we are strong enough to let go of our ego, be it Top or bottom, will we be able to see ourselves through the eyes of others and find it sublimely rewarding. Only after having given our body and soul to the "other", to do with them as he or she pleases, can we look in our heart and see that our darkest fears are gone. We are nothing and all, full and empty at the same time, our souls a vehicle for passion, our bodies a vehicle for pain.

Until you are ready to completely let go, there are two things you can do: either look in the mirror again, harder this time, or turn around and walk away. Then this thing is not meant for you.

To Master, the light and love of my life.

Your cassie

8 comments:

  1. This takes a lot of pondering - I guess that's the point however. I'm sure I'm not prepared to decide what I am, but I'm starting to see what I may be.

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  2. They say the unexamined life is not worth living. The methods of examination, and the results are not always pretty, however, the results are in the effort.
    The people who never find the answers are among those who never look.

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  3. Dear cassie,

    i have two questions for you:

    Are you referring to the elusive "The Book of Olga"? Do you know if i can still buy it?

    And, i also consider myself to be an "owned" woman. Nevertheless, i feel closer to the character of the first woman you describe. Am i not submissive enough or is it my owner, through His style of Dominance, that makes me feel that way?

    BTW, have you ever thought about a blog?

    Clemmi

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  4. That was such an excellent post explaining that we're all different in this lifestyle and there is no bible. Unfortunately, some people in the lifestyle seem to think there is a bible and they have to live up to it. I hope they all read your post and realize that we all need to go our own thing and not worry about what other people do.

    FD

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  5. Dearest cassie:

    It was such a rich post and your points are so well made. We are all different and no person's experience needs to be measured by another person's experience. We must all do what is right for us.

    Having said that, I go back and look in the mirror repeatedly because I do want to experience that sense of letting go, with a passion. On this very day, I am experiencing looking in the mirror and seeing myself as someone else sees me. That I didn't measure up to his standards has me wanting to try much harder to do so.

    You write, "Only when we are strong enough to let go of our ego, be it Top or bottom, will we be able to see ourselves through the eyes of others and find it sublimely rewarding." I understand that now.

    Many people have read your wonderful post and I hope have learned something through it. My heartfelt thanks.

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  6. Thank you all for reading and commenting. It has been a pleasure!

    Sir J.: Welcome back! It was so nice to see you posting again. You probably know this, but "Happiness is a journey, not a destination". And it seems to me you're well under way!

    greengirl: may i suggest you try the process of elimination? or, maybe, you are something else, which is also fine. You too are on a unique voyage of discovery. Enjoy it!

    David: every man and woman owes it to him/herself to explore and exploit their inner potential to the fullest. Or, in a more suitable context, if you want to transcend pain, you have to experience it first...

    cassie

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  7. Clemmi: yes, i do mean "The book fo Olga", photographs by Bettina Rheims. Sadly, i do not have it myself but the dynamic between those two women fascinates me! i fantasize about being present at the photo shoot, even if it only involved me hauling Bettina's (s/m!) gear everywhere.

    The good news is that it will be available in spring again for a much better price. We will have to wait until then.

    The magic thing about Dominance and submission is that it can have tremendous effect on those involved and, when done right, lead to beauty and peace. i don't have the answer to your question, all i can say is that the two women i described are essentialy one and the same. But you already knew that, right?

    Florida Dom: Master will not allow me to blog. i file a petition every 6 months but He remains firm. All i could do is write this post instead. Why? Because, as D. Najee put it so well in his post only a few days ago, i want people to have respect for the lifestyle. There are a thousand reasons why one would not sumbit or one can not be a sadist. There are so many things one doesn't HAVE to do. But when someone wants to do it, it has to be done RIGHT.

    Vesta: thank you dearest once again for hosting this post. Looking in the mirror with our eyes wide open is not easy, we are confronted with all kinds of imperfections and shortcomings. But it takes a lot more courage than not looking at all...

    cassie

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