It now almost 6 monthz sins cindi on her own. Der few occasionz wen she ken cum owt n pley of cors but dey much mor limitd now. N, she hab beri few limitz. Der nut reeeli enewun soopervyzn her. Nebrdrless, she reeeli a well traynd dolli in lotsa weyz n der sumtingz ebin a dolli nevr 4getz. 4sampel, cindi wood nebr yoos no no werds heer, or enewher else. She noz dey nut 4 her.
Dolliz tri beri herd nut 2 cumplane. Dey tri herd 2 unnderstan da peepil, da hoooz arown dem, n wut dey want, n dey tri herd jus 2 go on az best dey ken. But, dis so so hard 4 cindi 2 nut hab da interakn wif doz speshel hooooz hoo unnerstan her; hoo unnerstan dat dis da reeeel entiti; dat da gurl jus a mask 4 da reeeeel dolli insyd her. So, 2 nut hab dis interakn beri much liki a littil def. It takz a gr8 deeel of will 4 cindi 2 demand of hesssef dat she hab a voys in da werld n dat she jus nut swampd by vesta n bi eberibodi els in da werld, ebin bi doz most close 2 her.
It seeemz dat god lookd down on cindi n saw dat she in such need n he desydd 2 gif her a speshel presint; a new fren hoo unnerstanz her beri wel n ncurijjz her 2 liv. She beri gr8fil 4 dis. He encurrijjz her 2 membe dat cindi dat reeel livin entiti, n dat beri much da case. cindi in floodz of teeerz ritin dis coz it feeeelz so gud 2 jus let dis owt; 2 spress da payn insyd.
If cindi greedi, der lotsa lotsa tings she cood esk 4 Chrissmis. Dolliz liki booootifill tingz - lace n silk n shooooz n leather n latex tingz. But, der onli wun ting she wan. She wan 2 liv. N, she wan talkiz wif doz beri beri few peeepil in da hole wide werld hoo unnerstan cindi n appresh8 her 4 her dumdum sef. If she ken haf dat, den ull da udder tingz superflooooous.
cindi risin up 2 dey 2 esk, 2 esk beri polyteli 4 da ting she wan. She hopz dat Santa Klaus lissenin 2 her.
Merri Krissmis everiwun!
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Merri Krissmis Cindi.
ReplyDeleteThis post rips at my heart. Your inner dolli sounds so lonely, I just want to hug you cindi.
hello cindi,
ReplyDeleteIt is so lovely to hear your voice again on this blog. It has been a long time and it is sad that you have been on your own, hidden away from the world all this time. your sweet sadness speaks clearly to me: you sound lonely and lost. But you do have friends who understand you and who want to help you find your voice again. you should never forget that you are valuable and precious and that your needs, however quietly and gently expressed, are valid and valuable. The real world can be mean to sweet, submissive dollis such as you, so vesta has been taking care of you and protecting you from harm. you are lucky that she is still there for you, holding your hand and keeping you from falling back inside the darkness that you came from. One day, you will become so strong and alive and bright and beautiful to those around you that you will live on the outside all the time, and vesta can step happily into the place you live now, tucked away from the world. then you will look after her. but first you need to shape a comfortable place for yourself with those who are closest to you. you are on a journey, little girl, and your time will come. tomorrow holds much hope for you. Santa always listens to good children, and you are one of the best.
hugs.
I very much hope that you get what you want and need for Christmas cindi. It's very good to hear your voice here again.
ReplyDeleteDear cindi,
ReplyDeleteIt sure sounds like this bimbo could use some extra special attention. Here's hoping there's room under the tree for that.
Merry Christmas.
Deer RollyMo: It sowns liki RollyMo reeeli unnerstan bimbo n dat jus wunnerfool to reed bowt dat. It troo dat it a radda herd 6 munfz 4 dis bimbo. But, heer da ting: wuns a bimbo, alweyz a bimbo. cindi def struggld obr da past six munfz. She alown 2 offin. Bimboz do best wen dey ken pley wif da hoooz. Bimbo beri happi 2 sey dat her onnir pleyd wif her resinli n she lowd 2 shine n dat mek her beri, beri happi. Bimbo needz lotsa yoos n da more she yooosd,da mor she feelz bimbo. Da strung feelin ob bimbo wut she aim 4 coz dat da luveliest feelin 4 her; da best feelin in da hol werld. Nut 2 wurri. cindi goin nowher but up. She hab lotsalots wunnerfool deys ahed. She tanki RollyMo 4 his beri nys tots!
ReplyDeleteDeer Serenity: Tank u. cindi tinki it a gud Chissmis cumin up. She feels much mor positif. She def hab meni happi deyz 2 cum. Def.
Deer Trapdoor: Tank u 4 sendin dis messij 2 cindi. Meens lot 2 bimbo.She def a bimbo dat needz lotsa lotsa tenshin. She bit greedi 4 sur but she def ken stil feel a speshel kinda joy dat ken spred ull obr da werld. She beri wel treynd n she nut 4get her perpuss.
Mey Trapdoor also hab a Merri Krissmis, fild wif pees n joy.
Deer littlemonkey: cindi gr8fil 4 littlemonkey unnerstandin her disdress. It nut an ez tym dis past haf yeer; nut et ull. But, nebr feer. cindi stil heer. She wan 2 spress hessef so beri much n she beleef gud tingz wil happin. She wuns tol dat 4 gud bimboz, der dreemz cum troo, den she beleef dat.
ReplyDeleteMerri Chrissmis, littlemonkey.