Why do I write in this journal? I write here because I want to reach my soul and I hope to reach another soul; perhaps many souls. Communication that comes from one soul and reaches another soul is what my writing is about.
I want to say what few do. I want to express my drive towards some unknowable thing. I want to reach deep into myself and find out what is true and unchanging. I want to reach the real me.
Yet, the real me frightens me and sometimes I have to back away from her. She is such a greedy, demanding slut. She wants what she wants and she wants it when she wants it. She is no submissive. She demands. Give me. Give me. Give me. That is her mantra.
So I try to back away from her. I try not to give her air. I try to smother her with talk of good submissive qualities; to care about the other.
No matter what I do that harlot rises up. Fuck me. Love me. Pay attention to me. Brush my hair.
“You are meant to say please,” I tell her. She looks at me like a little girl caught out and you can see her brain working. The clever bitch knows how to work people and in her sweetest little girl voice she says, “Pleeeeeze brush my hair.”
There’s no stopping her. There is no keeping her locked up. She beguiles. She bewitches. She demands. She pleads. She does whatever she needs to do to get what she wants. The submissive part of her personality is a bit of a hoax. She is no submissive that one. She is just a greedy, selfish, brazen whore.
Wow you are so me!! This epitomizes the war within, the reason I cave when I hear his voice. He brings that submissive to life. His absence brings out the greedy whore!
ReplyDeleteGood. You are on a roll. This goes nicely with your recent posts.
ReplyDeleteI am still reading, but I don't have much chance to write. I'll catch up when poss.
PL
Mindset: She lives. She breathes. She won't be held down. And, the more you try to lock her away, the more savage and primal she behaves when she does get to the surface.
ReplyDeletePL: Oh, am I? That is good to read. I am glad you are still reading when you get a chance. It makes no sense to me why life has to be so busy, really. I am in the same situation and the merry go round won't stop.