I had a coffee out with my daughter this afternoon and she told me of her troubles with her boyfriend; that now that her departure overseas for an extended period is imminent, he has withdrawn from her, barely able to speak to her. We sat there trying to analyze the fellow. Was he too attached to her and shattered by her imminent departure to be able to speak to his girl now that she was almost (temporarily) out of his life? Was he hurt? What the hell was the boy thinking to act in such a childish way as to not talk to her??!!
She told me she heard my husband and I talking last night in that passionate way we do, and that it was so different; that we just said everything that was on our minds. We are still intently passionate about one another and a fight does not seem to do us any real harm. We talk through what is on our minds and clear the air. He thinks that is entirely healthy and he tells me that all women like me need me a "safety valve", where the steam can find its way out. Certainly, he makes use of his safety valve regularly and it is a rare day when I don't know exactly what is on his mind!
It was interesting to talk to him in bed this morning. He told me that he read my tumbler site for ages last night and that he learned something; that I am a very kinky girl, with a particularly dirty (but in a nice way) mind. He said that what I was doing, exploring my submissive and kinky side was right for me; that being dominated was right for me, and that I should never even think of giving up. He told me that I "thrive on the stick" (!!) and being lead. And, I don't disagree with any of that.
I am learning things about myself all the time; even now. I am becoming a better person and a happier and more enriched person. I think there is still work to be done in working out how to be that submissive and kinky person that I want to be, yet be able to express all my emotions in a satisfactory way. I want to express my submissive nature right throughout the day and every day, but still have the opportunity to share what is on my mind in a way that is pleasing and acceptable and allows me to feel that my thoughts are recognized and considered.
As it was pointed out to me today, if the pilot dies, I won't jump into the seat to fly the plane. I am not the person best equipped to fly the plane, or even drive my own life. I like very much having an owner and living 'an owned life'. However, I do need to sometimes express my less positive emotions and I need to know that that is okay.
As my daughter is trying to explain to her boyfriend, she would rather hear what is on his mind, whatever it is, than endure his silence. Silence may work in the short term, but as my dear friend pointed out to me this morning, "the more you ignore the universe, the louder it gets until it gets your attention". Every girl should have such a wise and good friend!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I think it is good for children to see their parents working out problems and you have obviously been a good example. I hope your daughter's boyfriend gives her a chance to use the skills she has learned from you. Silence is not fair.
ReplyDeleteSerenity: I think she is gifted with people, and very mature for her years (and that is not just her mother talking!). I've watched her modify herself to accommodate him, and shown extraordinary patience as she guides him out of himself and to express with words what he is feeling. She finds the silences baffling, but keeps assuring me that in all other ways, he's wonderful. She tells me "there are a lot of jerks out there and he's not a jerk".
ReplyDeleteVesta,
ReplyDeleteThere certainly is a significant difference between someone who listens and one who is silent and the silent ones often baffle me and definitely pull every ounce of patience from me.
I do hope your daughter learns what she desires and that her boyfriend finally finds the courage and calm to vocally express himself.
My mother and father never held back on passion whether that be tense or playful and I appreciate to this day that I saw them "fight" only to watch them make up from it as well. It showed balance and balance is exceptionally important to me.
The quiet volcano will erupt and most often cause devastation. I often think the same of people. Silence is not always golden.
~a
goodgirl: Yes. There are times when I need to be silent and gather my thoughts. It pays for me to do that. But, the kind of long running silence where you can't solve the problem because you are not even sure what the problem *is*, is more than frustrating!
ReplyDeleteShe is working on trying to get him to express himself and I take my hat off to her. Frankly, I am not entirely sure how much you can change someone, but on the other hand, I've changed a lot, so it is entirely possible. Thank you for your kind words.