So, there I was at the Club having my freshly squeezed juice sitting amongst about eight other women. They were getting loud which is never a good sign for me. I like women very much but when they get together it can be like a gaggle of geese and I can easily just switch them off and think my own thoughts instead.
I was aware of this happening and willed myself to partake in the conversation. Perhaps, if I listened closely to the conversation and tried to drown out the overall noise being created, it would be better. So, one girl had just come back from what sounded like a lovely cruise up around the coast of The Kimberleys. Good on her. She's going through a divorce and she needs a lift. One girl is the past Headmistress of a private girls' school and she was talking about decorative arts; some lecture series she attends.
They wanted to know if I was attending certain events this weekend and we talked about that for a while. There was some mention about a book that I am actually meant to be reading..how the pilates class had gone...
It was all fine except for the fact that today I felt so terribly disengaged from them and their chit chat. My head was swimming with submissive thoughts; going down dark lanes and highways of my mind; desirous of flirting with the unimaginable - long term chastity combined with arousal; bondage; discipline; challenge. I may have looked like a free bird but if they'd taken off the top of my head and rummaged about inside they would have seen that it was all lascivious thought; nothing to do with frocks or decorative arts; nothing the least bit acceptable or proper for a woman of my age, stage or place.
I was aware of this happening and willed myself to partake in the conversation. Perhaps, if I listened closely to the conversation and tried to drown out the overall noise being created, it would be better. So, one girl had just come back from what sounded like a lovely cruise up around the coast of The Kimberleys. Good on her. She's going through a divorce and she needs a lift. One girl is the past Headmistress of a private girls' school and she was talking about decorative arts; some lecture series she attends.
They wanted to know if I was attending certain events this weekend and we talked about that for a while. There was some mention about a book that I am actually meant to be reading..how the pilates class had gone...
It was all fine except for the fact that today I felt so terribly disengaged from them and their chit chat. My head was swimming with submissive thoughts; going down dark lanes and highways of my mind; desirous of flirting with the unimaginable - long term chastity combined with arousal; bondage; discipline; challenge. I may have looked like a free bird but if they'd taken off the top of my head and rummaged about inside they would have seen that it was all lascivious thought; nothing to do with frocks or decorative arts; nothing the least bit acceptable or proper for a woman of my age, stage or place.
Hi, I just found your blog and I can't wait to go back and read your past posts. Reading this one felt as though you very clearly summed up what I feel a lot of the time! I am guessing you can relate to my feelings of having something SO BIG that touches every part of your being, but not being able to share that SOMETHING with anyone not sitting behind a key board. . ~Liz
ReplyDeleteHmmm sounds like the male mind at work... this is one of the few areas where we can claim to be great multi-taskers: going about normal life while thinking constantly about sex :)
ReplyDeleteI wonder if they too were disengaged from their own thoughts? Perhaps they would much rather have been talking about the kind of things that were going on in your mind. Or their own slants on that kind of subject at least...
ReplyDeleteLiz: That's true. I can't share my thoughts, except in the most trifling of ways with anyone not sitting in front of a computer, though I'm fortunate to have met some very nice people sitting in front of their computer. I've been remarkably fortunate in that way and those people have taught me a lot. Those friendships have meant a great deal. But, in real life, no, I really do have to keep my thoughts to myself.
ReplyDeleterollymo: Yes, I can see thoughts on male faces. Women tend to be harder to read. I'd like to think I am impossible to read.
Malcolm: I like that thought. It's entirely possible.