It is a few years now since I was introduced to the notion that there was, perhaps, a dolly inside the girl; inside me. The notion immediately excited me, although I didn't necessarily understand exactly what that meant. But, I gravitated to it immediately and with the emergence and expression of each little new aspect of the doll, as I grew closer and closer to the feelings of the doll, I became happier. I have learned that there really isn't any aspect of embracing the doll into my life that I don't love. It makes me softer, more patient and understanding, more alive and very definitely, much more happy to feel my 'dollness' ever present in my life.
One aspect of the doll that I hadn't quite understood in a full and encompassing way until recently was that the doll is really always switched on, under the right regime. I'd understood that she understands that she was always to be ready for use, bur I hadn't fully understood that she may always be switched on herself (itself?); that she isn't necessarily ever in 'girl' mode; that the doll has to learn and understand that she (it?) has no choice but to accept the state of arousal 24/7 and to learn to work with that arousal; to work through it and to sleep through it; not at all an easy thing but a required thing and something that the doll eventually accepts as her way of life. I've learned that you can't fight it; you have to simply 'let go'.
The girl has to do real life girl things and there is no getting around that. But, the doll may be ever present in the girl's life and the mind of the girl may be aware of the doll inside her; aware of her sexuality, of her desire for control, of her acquiescence and of her constant readiness in mind and body to be taken.
I've been working away at incorporating this mindset into my life, at pushing the boundaries of my mind and my body and I find it a profoundly uplifting experience; one that makes my spirits soar. The more confined the doll feels, the more this woman floats. I think it must be that accepting myself for who I am has sustained me and allowed me to reach deep into my subconscious and embrace myself for all that I am. I have certainly never experienced such a coming together of my mind, body and spirit in any other way.
A friend yesterday told me of her sense of a lack of purpose in life at this time now that she is not working. I was sympathetic, of course, but the doll knows her purpose without a shadow of a doubt. Feeling myself and being able to express that entity, finding the deep sense of relaxation that that knowledge brings to my life is a priceless gift that I will always cherish.
I've no way of knowing how many dolls there are out there. I've come across only a handful of other examples in my life of this incredibly happy place for a woman in complete surrender; this deep deep need for use and for control. No doubt there are many others out there and yet it's clear I'm in a category all of my own with this web journal. I don't fit at all neatly into any category out there; not the spanking community, or DD or HoH. I've plenty of readers still and maybe they too are looking for a way into their doll, or perhaps they are doll makers who have a doll or want a doll.
The word 'objectification' doesn't terrify them or make them squirm for they know already, consciously or subconsciously, that this is how they want to feel too. One or two of these people have corresponded with me over time and it is always brilliant to read how two slightly odd (I know I am slightly odd!) people have come together to make a perfect fit. It always delights me. Dreams really can come true, if you are open to them.
One aspect of the doll that I hadn't quite understood in a full and encompassing way until recently was that the doll is really always switched on, under the right regime. I'd understood that she understands that she was always to be ready for use, bur I hadn't fully understood that she may always be switched on herself (itself?); that she isn't necessarily ever in 'girl' mode; that the doll has to learn and understand that she (it?) has no choice but to accept the state of arousal 24/7 and to learn to work with that arousal; to work through it and to sleep through it; not at all an easy thing but a required thing and something that the doll eventually accepts as her way of life. I've learned that you can't fight it; you have to simply 'let go'.
The girl has to do real life girl things and there is no getting around that. But, the doll may be ever present in the girl's life and the mind of the girl may be aware of the doll inside her; aware of her sexuality, of her desire for control, of her acquiescence and of her constant readiness in mind and body to be taken.
I've been working away at incorporating this mindset into my life, at pushing the boundaries of my mind and my body and I find it a profoundly uplifting experience; one that makes my spirits soar. The more confined the doll feels, the more this woman floats. I think it must be that accepting myself for who I am has sustained me and allowed me to reach deep into my subconscious and embrace myself for all that I am. I have certainly never experienced such a coming together of my mind, body and spirit in any other way.
A friend yesterday told me of her sense of a lack of purpose in life at this time now that she is not working. I was sympathetic, of course, but the doll knows her purpose without a shadow of a doubt. Feeling myself and being able to express that entity, finding the deep sense of relaxation that that knowledge brings to my life is a priceless gift that I will always cherish.
I've no way of knowing how many dolls there are out there. I've come across only a handful of other examples in my life of this incredibly happy place for a woman in complete surrender; this deep deep need for use and for control. No doubt there are many others out there and yet it's clear I'm in a category all of my own with this web journal. I don't fit at all neatly into any category out there; not the spanking community, or DD or HoH. I've plenty of readers still and maybe they too are looking for a way into their doll, or perhaps they are doll makers who have a doll or want a doll.
The word 'objectification' doesn't terrify them or make them squirm for they know already, consciously or subconsciously, that this is how they want to feel too. One or two of these people have corresponded with me over time and it is always brilliant to read how two slightly odd (I know I am slightly odd!) people have come together to make a perfect fit. It always delights me. Dreams really can come true, if you are open to them.
Amen to dreams coming true !
ReplyDeleteNancy: I thought you might relate to that line.
ReplyDeleteAmen to being odd! It would be a terribly dull world if we were all 'normal', whatever that means. The desire for objectification is a mindset that I find bold, admirable, fascinating and very arousing. The idea that a woman would wish to reject her humanity to be treated as a 'thing', existing entirely for the pleasure of her owner and with no opinion, no thought and no desire for normal human interaction is truly running counter to societal norms and practices. That someone would wish to give those elements of humanity up in order to be 'whole' is, frankly, perverse and yet here we are fully embracing that notion and you have my wholehearted support. Very few people have the courage or self awareness to take that step off the well trodden path and find a life that has true meaning. Self actualization in all its forms is the highest of human goals and it would be entirely wrong for anyone with the power to grant these wishes to hold back on delivering you to your perfect state of being. And having determined that this dollness is where you feel most complete, I believe your future happiness and the extent to which you find inner peace will hinge on your ability to find and motivate others who can support you in getting there and staying there.
ReplyDeleteYou say that your particular desire doesn't fit with HoH or DD but I would argue that without the environment that these lifestyles generate it would be difficult to find self-actualization as your ideal doll. Would you agree?
It is very uplifting to read you blogging in this way. My deepest congratulations for having grasped what you are really all about.
rollymo: Your comments are so kind and supportive. I have found great release in my experiences of objectification. There is no doubt about that. I enjoy being pushed in that sphere and there are certainly times when I am totally uplifted by becoming more and more object-like. At the same time, I'm a rather complex person (as if you didn't know that by now!) and as your comment came through I was sitting here struggling with writing my first 'logline' for a screen script, completely immersed in that task and using every last bit of brain power available to me this evening. Like most people, I do search for some balance in my life between achieving and complete relaxation. When I am loaded down with a full schedule of events for the week and a myriad of tasks to achieve that require my intellectual and functioning brain to be in use, it can have me yearning for complete surrender. I certainly aim to remain in that 'doll' state over periods of time, for as long as I can really. But, I have a full life and one that demands my attention and organizational skills. The doll state is sweet release and a welcome respite from my over-thinking brain. I remain hopeful it can be a more regular part of my life and my everyday.
ReplyDelete