In my reading I came across the following:
"...in a woman, the shadow can be the embodiment of her anger and righteous indignation, that are so often seen as unbecoming a lady in this patriarchal society. Unfortunately for a woman, anger and righteous indignation are also the feelings from which empowerment and healthy self-preservation are derived. When demoted to the position of shadow, these feelings become the enemy within, where they rule from the unconscious through fear, neurosis and self-destructive behavior. These lead to alienation and self-loathing.
In a man, the shadow can be the embodiment of his sensitivity and humility, which are often viewed as weaknesses among men in this patriarchal society. Unfortunately for a man, sensitivity and humility are also the qualities required for him to establish and maintain intimacy and connectedness with another human being. When designated to the dungeons of the unconscious as shadow prisoners, these feelings become insecurity and false pride that rule the conscious mind through fear, neurosis and aggressive behavior. These lead to isolation and depression."
I present the comments to you for consideration. I will only say that they resonated with me and made me question the value of containing my responses. Naturally, being polite, acting respectfully and expressing ourselves in ways that encourage similar responses in others is a good way.
However, there is a place for anger; a place for people to express their true and raw emotion. In the same way, no man should feel he needs to hide the sensitive and humble side of himself. How else can he express to a woman that he is hurt or feeling vulnerable?
These sorts of gender stereotypes are not helpful. Anyway, I believe in a good odd 'dust up'. Nothing clears the air better than people getting it all out on the table and sorting through the erroneous assumptions and figuring out what is causing the misinterpretations. That is entirely healthy. We really can't afford to take ourselves so seriously.
"...in a woman, the shadow can be the embodiment of her anger and righteous indignation, that are so often seen as unbecoming a lady in this patriarchal society. Unfortunately for a woman, anger and righteous indignation are also the feelings from which empowerment and healthy self-preservation are derived. When demoted to the position of shadow, these feelings become the enemy within, where they rule from the unconscious through fear, neurosis and self-destructive behavior. These lead to alienation and self-loathing.
In a man, the shadow can be the embodiment of his sensitivity and humility, which are often viewed as weaknesses among men in this patriarchal society. Unfortunately for a man, sensitivity and humility are also the qualities required for him to establish and maintain intimacy and connectedness with another human being. When designated to the dungeons of the unconscious as shadow prisoners, these feelings become insecurity and false pride that rule the conscious mind through fear, neurosis and aggressive behavior. These lead to isolation and depression."
I present the comments to you for consideration. I will only say that they resonated with me and made me question the value of containing my responses. Naturally, being polite, acting respectfully and expressing ourselves in ways that encourage similar responses in others is a good way.
However, there is a place for anger; a place for people to express their true and raw emotion. In the same way, no man should feel he needs to hide the sensitive and humble side of himself. How else can he express to a woman that he is hurt or feeling vulnerable?
These sorts of gender stereotypes are not helpful. Anyway, I believe in a good odd 'dust up'. Nothing clears the air better than people getting it all out on the table and sorting through the erroneous assumptions and figuring out what is causing the misinterpretations. That is entirely healthy. We really can't afford to take ourselves so seriously.
Vesta,
ReplyDeleteI was often told as a child that I was stubborn and my outbursts, otherwise known as "snits" were unacceptable. Granted as a child I am certain much of my anger stemmed from not getting my own way; however, looking back I very much believe there were times, regardless of age, where my anger was my voice and absolutely necessary for my personal growth.
There is a time and place for anger as well as humility and I do not consider such emotions gender specific. Every human should be permitted to feel. We simply have to keep in mind cause and effect to what we put out into the world.
~a
goodgirl: I imagine that to be the case; that your anger was in fact necessary at the time. If you had held yourself in check entirely it probably would have done considerable psychological damage. You have such extraordinary ability to explore in BDSM; to allow yourself to be controlled in so many ways now, I have to think this relates to you expressing yourself so vehemently at earlier times.
ReplyDeleteIndeed, emotions are not gender specific or specific to our roles in BDSM. We will all feel anger at times and we are all vulnerable. I feel more strongly every day that the conversation has to get "real". We need to talk about things as they are and not as if we were talking about fantasy. It's fine to 'play' with people being perfect and having perfect behaviour within their role, but that's not life. We need to express ourselves, at least sometimes, taking into account that hurtful comments do tend to hang out there in the air causing harm. Even when angry, words should be under our control. It is interesting that I am rarely ever angry any more. I think all the training really worked on that score. In a way, it makes the anger even more palpable because it takes so long and so much for me to feel that emotion now. Yet, it remains under my control.