I am currently reading book reviews and I came across these lines about a protagonist in a novel -
"...a girl who permits herself no extremes of temperament, who accords herself no right to self-assertion - Toibin exercises sustained subtlety and touching respect."
It struck me that I have been that girl. I've attempted to have no extremes of temperament. Fearful of upsetting the other, I've held onto my emotions and attempted to express my feelings when I could, if the opportunity ever came up.
I've accepted my fate, just as did Eilis. There was no dash from the harbor for her; no refusal to go where she was told. She got on that boat and she did her best to live life in a new country.
She does well, ultimately. She makes roots in a new life in America only to learn that life demands she return 'home' to Ireland. But,where is 'home' now?
Eilis returned to Tony in Brooklyn. I course she did. Women go where their man doth go. If Tony's life was in Brooklyn then so her life was in Brooklyn. It was what led me to the United State myself.
It is the natural instinct of (most) women to find a man; her lover; her protector; that person who will take care of her. Romance books are all about that fact and there must surely be a reason why this genre is the most popular of all genres. Women read about what they truly want, no matter their life choices.
A woman can do a great deal for her man; fulfil his needs and wants; be his slutty fuck toy. However, she must always feel that he respects her. Without respect and warmth, she begins to lose self-respect and ultimately if her man will not be the one to save her, she must save herself.
His limits are so much more important than her limits. He must always keep her emotionally safe; ensure her that what she does is appreciated and that she never needs to feel foolish when she surrenders to him. This is his role in the arrangement; his duty; his responsibility - to keep her whole; to ensure there is no emotional harm.
"...a girl who permits herself no extremes of temperament, who accords herself no right to self-assertion - Toibin exercises sustained subtlety and touching respect."
It struck me that I have been that girl. I've attempted to have no extremes of temperament. Fearful of upsetting the other, I've held onto my emotions and attempted to express my feelings when I could, if the opportunity ever came up.
I've accepted my fate, just as did Eilis. There was no dash from the harbor for her; no refusal to go where she was told. She got on that boat and she did her best to live life in a new country.
She does well, ultimately. She makes roots in a new life in America only to learn that life demands she return 'home' to Ireland. But,where is 'home' now?
Eilis returned to Tony in Brooklyn. I course she did. Women go where their man doth go. If Tony's life was in Brooklyn then so her life was in Brooklyn. It was what led me to the United State myself.
It is the natural instinct of (most) women to find a man; her lover; her protector; that person who will take care of her. Romance books are all about that fact and there must surely be a reason why this genre is the most popular of all genres. Women read about what they truly want, no matter their life choices.
A woman can do a great deal for her man; fulfil his needs and wants; be his slutty fuck toy. However, she must always feel that he respects her. Without respect and warmth, she begins to lose self-respect and ultimately if her man will not be the one to save her, she must save herself.
His limits are so much more important than her limits. He must always keep her emotionally safe; ensure her that what she does is appreciated and that she never needs to feel foolish when she surrenders to him. This is his role in the arrangement; his duty; his responsibility - to keep her whole; to ensure there is no emotional harm.
Vesta,
ReplyDeleteThe final paragraph sums it all up nicely...and, of course your right. So much so, reading this gave mouse chills.
Hugs,
mouse
I very much agree with this sentiment, Vesta. One of the roles of the Dominant (whether male or female) is to build up their partner, to help them to fly. This is the exact opposite of the perception of the "normal" world, who imagine that the Dominant operates by tearing their partner down.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing!
Surrender is a beautiful gift, but as with most gifts, it doesn't end just with the act of giving. Gifts of all kinds must be cherished and admired and respected to be meaningful, and that's so very much so with submission.
ReplyDeleteYes a lot of responsibility ultimately ends up on the shoulders of the dominant, rightfully so, as we dominants get so very very much from submissives that sustains our own needs and desires . . .
Your last two paragraphs really resonated with me.
ReplyDeleteEmphasis if often placed on the subs limits, when, since the Dominant is in control, it's really more about his limits.
I enjoy your style of writing. Very thoughtful.
well said and so very true, the whole conversation on limits should be so much more about Dominants.
ReplyDeletemouse: As a woman who was not treated well in the past, I am sure this post was challenging to read. You were let down. The dominant/top's limits must always take into account the well being of his charge. I think submissive women have the right to expect that sort of care.
ReplyDeleteJake: Agreed. Helping them "to fly" is the goal. If that is not happening that's a warning sign that something has gone wrong. In the "normal" world there is a good deal of concern that what the Dominant does could be abuse. I saw that in the research I did for my journalism subject and it abounds in my newspapers at the moment. They refer to it as "power games" that ultimately leaves the person in less power (usually a woman) confused, disoriented and feeling helpless.
lil: Thank you for the compliment. The dominant is the person in charge; the leader of the tenor of the relationship. I am not for a moment saying that it is a light responsibility but if taken on, it needs to be seen through at all turns.
Sir J: I always enjoy hearing from you and I had no doubt you would agree. I only wish there were more Dominants writing because I really do think the conversation needs to be more about the dominant role overall.